David Lean - My Truth It was always in the public interest. Barry Bennell
Thankyou to everyone who is about to take the time to read My Truth. Barry Bennell is the biggest paedophile in British Sport, and this story needs to be told. It’s a very frank, detailed and honest account of what happened and my feelings throughout. I would never wish to trigger or upset anyone in any way, so please take good self care while reading and afterwards. The feeling of knowing this monster may have sexually abused a hundred more boys after myself, is something I have to live with every day. I hope you find it interesting. Please share it and use it to educate others!
Regards
David
I first I heard of David’s story while I was researching another CSA article I as writing. When I contacted David I was amazed at his strength and courage, but also by his generosity and his willingness to share his story, despite the pain and suffering it undoubtedly caused him to live through it all again. He is relentless in his quest to inform, help and protect others, working tirelessly on projects such as his purple events. It is an absolute honour to be given the opportunity to work with David in bringing you his story.
Jason Holyhead.
My earliest memories are always of me playing football and I’m told that from being a very young boy I was a good little player. I was very lucky having 2 very active older brothers who would chase me around and play all sorts of different sports with me since I could walk. I was born on August 30th 1967, so maybe even from then !
My older brothers took (or were given) the nickname Leano, so from as young as I can remember I was known by many as Little Leano, then just Leano as I grew up, then somehow around 16 years of age, lots of lads on the football field started calling me Leany. No matter what I was known as growing up in Lytham St.Annes in the ‘70s and ‘80s, we were a well-known family in the area, probably because all of us lads were sporting, plus there were 4 of us, and my parents had been living in Lytham St.Annes since before they got married.
I had always played football and for as long as I can remember it was all I had ever wanted to be!
A professional footballer! I used to dream about singing the National Anthem stood on Wembley, getting ready to play in a big Final or for England or both. It was my biggest wish, probably still is, although I am a little old now!
At Primary school I was improving daily and quickly established my place in the top local junior team and also in my school team, Sydney Street – as it was known.
I looked forward to every single training session and every match, like it was my first!
I loved football and everything about it. It gave me a feeling nothing else did, it’s hard to explain but I loved it.
Along with many others in those days, I used to pretend I was a Top football star, and copy their every move, while providing my own commentary. “Lean goes past one, past two, shoots and scores ! What a great goal by the youngster!”
In those days the only thing that came close to dragging me away from friends and the football pitch was my annual family holiday!
I loved my family holiday.
Family holidays to Butlins came around once a year, every year and I have so many wonderful memories of these holidays.
In May 1979 we were packed and ready to head off for our family break at the Butlin’s holiday camp in North Wales. My family consisted of my mum and dad (Margaret and Martin), along with myself and three brothers, two which were older than me, Steve and Graham and then my younger brother Ric or Richard. I was just 11 at the time we set off to Butlin’s and coming to the end of my first year at Lytham St.Annes High School.
On this trip to Butlins though my eldest brother Stephen didn’t come as he had probably moved on to greater things with lad’s holidays, as he was now around 18 years of age. I used to love hearing his stories when he returned from his holidays abroad.
So my parents, Graham (No 2 son), myself and Richard [youngest] crammed into the car for our self-catering break. The car was rammed and we sat with our feet up and on top of the boxes of food and drinks that were to help keep a family of five going for 7 days away self-catering holiday at Butlin’s in a small town called Pwllheli. The car roof rack was also on top for its annual visit to our car for holidays only!
My family life growing up was brilliant. We were so loved and such a close family.
At that stage, all I knew was that my Dad went to work all day working with fridges, and Mum worked part time, in shops or with disabled adults needing support, but she also did all the cooking and cleaning after us 5 guys, so she was very busy all of the time.
Things were very different in 1979. When I was not at school we were out on the park playing football or another type of sport, or I was at my local YMCA playing table tennis/badminton more football or the like…
I was so excited as I loved being away, as any boy did but also I would have a chance to play football all week under the influence of a different football coach and try and win a trophy for the “Boy of The Week”
Butlin’s made a huge thing of this at the time, it was sponsored by the Daily Express. Professional footballers used to visit the camps for a day and help run a session too. Butlins sold holidays on this alone , I have no doubt.
My claim to fame at this stage of my life was that my primary school teacher had said to my parents at parents evening that, My effort and behaviour were great BUT… unfortunately my brains were in my feet!!
When I was told later that same evening as I was sat down by my parents I was buzzing ! What better compliment? My parents however thought a little differently about the comment, although secretly I think my dad also loved it!
My mum however……. but never mind, I thought it was great!
I was always a good kid though, well raised and always kept out of trouble and tried my best in class. I think I was just naturally thick !
My dad always used to say it was because I was the youngest in the year, maybe true; thanks Dad !
I was already having a tremendous holiday, on the fairground, roller skating, shows and the cinema all playing a part, when the first football session came around and I arrived early with my dad to watch my younger brother Ric in his session which was directly before mine.
I was a talented footballer having already represented my Blackpool Town Team, I had also represented my school, as well as a top local club – the YMCA and had also attracted interest from Blackpool Football Club at just 11 years old. This seems old now – being 11, as kids are picked up now and watched by clubs from around 5 years old! But in 1979, to be attracting a football club’s interest at 11 years of age was a big thing! Blackpool had selected local top players and we trained one night a week even back then, it was a great achievement as no other boys from my YMCA team at the time had been chosen for the sessions.
Within seconds of arriving at the huge field at Butlin’s I came across this very passionate, enthusiastic and energetic coach who was buzzing around showing off the most amazing skill set of tricks with a ball I had ever seen. He could flick the ball over his head , do keep ups on his shoulders etc, and did this amazing skill which he called the magnificent seven, which involved taking the ball around his body touching 7 different body parts, including both shoulders! He looked the part, had the latest football kits on and was physically fit in stature. A real man’s man! With a great tan too! I had to double take as I thought it was Kevin Keegan at first.
I couldn’t wait for my sessions to start!!
The little ones session ended soon after and it was time for my session to start which was for 10-14 year olds, so by now some bigger boys had arrived. However it was clear within maybe just 15 minutes that the coach had taken a real shine to me, and by the end of just the 2nd session he was telling me and my dad about a junior team that he ran, that had links directly to a top professional club, and that he wanted me to go and play for them and that I was a future star.
I was so happy, in fact I was buzzing!!
The coach’s name was Barry Bennell.
But just Barry to me!
The sessions were fantastic and he joined in so much to show his skills. I loved every second of them. During the last few days of my holiday he praised me more and more and even gave me a new football shirt. Presents like this for me were only given at Christmas or birthdays, so I was absolutely buzzing.
I was however surrounded by older and bigger, and if I’m honest, better boys so I did not win the Boy of the week award at Butlins, which gave you a chance to compete for the Boy of the Year. However, I had gone one better; I was told that I was a future star, and was being asked to play for a junior team with links to a professional club, Manchester City and the coach Barry, even took my home address to contact me to play for his team!
From the moment I arrived home I started to practice my skills, and do everything I had been asked to work on over the Summer to improve my game, but more importantly before we left Butlins I had managed to pester my parents enough to persuade them to take us back the first week in September that same year, two holidays in one year, unknown !!
I had now become obsessed with Barry if I’m honest, but I was not alone in my feelings, my dad was too.
My dad knew he had the links and if I’m honest, it was both of our dreams to see me playing professionally, not just mine. My dad was never a pushy parent though, I would never want to give that impression, but he wanted my dream just as much as I did.
This football coach had worked his charm (now better known as grooming) all over my dad along with myself, and as any good parent, my dad just wanted what was best for his son.
I received my first letter from Barry shortly after returning home, and then we wrote to each other all summer, backwards and forwards, at least twice each every month. My letters were addressed at that stage to Barry Bennell, football coach, and sent to Butlins Holiday Camp in North Wales, directly.
I couldn’t wait to get back to Butlin’s Holiday camp and train again. My skills had improved over the Summer, I worked very hard and I was ready to impress Barry, it was all I wanted to do.
Car packed, roof rack on, feet up on food and drinks again, and off we went. Just the 5 of us, Steve again stayed at home. I think he liked having the house to himself too!
I was so excited.
The first week in September 1979 and we were off on our 2nd holiday of the year!! That just never happened!
I had just turned 12 years old, days earlier and was ready to excel in doing what I loved for Barry.
He was very excited to see me, and if it’s possible lavished me with even more praise, gave me another football top, used me for all the drills demonstrations and made me feel so special in front of the other boys.
All week this continued and I knew I was going to win Boy of the week, as not as many older boys were attending the sessions this time and I had improved too.
On the Friday morning straight after the final session he told me that I had won Boy of the week privately, which meant, I had won a Huge trophy, my photograph with Barry in the paper (my first ever). I had also won a free weeks holiday to try and win the boy of the year again at Butlins and best of all, my hero had just voted me Boy of the week. The Manchester City dream was very much alive too!!
When I came back home, Barry kept in touch with me, asking for me to travel to his home and to play for his feeder junior football team. He had the links to a top club that could make my dreams come true.
For one reason or another though, the trip never happened – with me playing school football, an honour and almost compulsory in 1979/80, and for my Junior side YMCA all season, as well as for Blackpool school boys and a Blackpool representative team – it just never happened, until sometime early in 1980 he wrote suggesting I could attend a full day soccer skills course in Macclesfield in the Easter school holidays in April that year.
By this stage he had been writing to me since I first met him in May the previous year.
Everything was always done professionally by him. Letters were polite and always showed a huge interest in my football, and asking me if I was training hard and working on my skills. Always signed with, Yours in Sport, NOT, yours faithfully, or yours sincerely, I loved the way he did this. Nobody signed letters off like this, except Barry.
This was brilliant and everything I wanted, I couldn’t wait for the course.
A few days before, he even phoned my house to confirm everything with my dad, who had got to know him fairly well after spending 2 weeks now talking to him at every opportunity, while he stood watching me train.
He spoke to my dad and confirmed arrangements and directions. This was 1980, no computers or mobile phones, no AA route finder! Due to the distance and the course being run for a full day and his property being around 90 minutes’ drive away, it made sense to travel up after my dad finished work Thursday tea time, and collect me Saturday morning in his own leisure time, as the course was a full day and started early on the Friday morning. Barry advised my dad to not rush and get me after work on a busy Friday evening, as he would have done that on the Thursday evening when dropping me off, so it was the sensible thing to do, get there the night before and collect me on the Saturday morning.
So the day came and I was so excited I couldn’t get there quick enough. I didn’t sleep much the night before.
Two nights at my hero’s house!
Two nights away from home!!
I loved learning soccer skills and the thought of attending a brilliant course!!
None of my friends had ever attended this course. Nobody even ran full day football courses around Blackpool in 1980.
Barry could start the process to make my dream of being a professional footballer come true!
My parents thought the world of him too, he had been the football coach at Butlins, so my parents had the utmost respect and trust for him!
All my Christmases had come at once!
Except I was the present, gift wrapped and delivered!
We arrived around mid-evening, I think. A few words were exchanged between Barry and my dad, then I was shown into the property and directed up some stairs to the first floor.
Barry’s 11 months of hard work, handwritten letters (2 or 3 a month), building a relationship with my dad and myself, the City dream being dangled, had finally paid off! He had a physically fit, young and promising footballer, all alone for two nights at his property, alongside this, whose parents had full trust and respect for him and he just knew it.
The property, which I now believe to have been a first floor staff flat, at Taxal Edge Children’s home, consisted of a kitchen/dining room, a front room or lounge with a bed behind the door?
There was another proper bedroom, and a bathroom.
Within seconds of me arriving though, it became sort of strange – he never seemed to leave me alone, he spent hours that evening, giving me his full attention never leaving me alone for more than a few seconds. Always touching me in some way or other.
As I have previously mentioned during interviews, I have two older brothers so it was the sort of stuff I would do with them, play fighting, wrestling, pinning me down and tickling me etc. He also played a fun whip game with wrapped up tea towels, sort of flicking each other on the bum etc while we were washing and tidying up.
After we had eaten, we sort of cuddled up watching TV for what seemed a few hours, while we talked. Everything was close attention; he even on 3-4 occasions when pinning me down rubbed his facial bristle on my cheeks, which was sort of weird, I had never had this done to me by my brothers. And all the time he was telling me what a good player I was and talking about the course and his links to Manchester City, and that I had great potential.
I told the police it felt like he was obsessed with me.
Everything was brilliant though, and I was having a great time, until I came back from the bathroom after going to get my PJs on as it was now bedtime. It was already very late for me.
I jumped into my bed for the first of two nights, which was in the lounge behind the door. He was still sat on the couch in the same room, and remained there for a few minutes chatting, and then he left the room. The big light (I’m from the North of England) was on, as was the TV. Just a few minutes later he bounded into the room turning the light off as he entered, and literally jumped into my bed!
At first he just laid there on his side, talking to me, which went on for some time. I was tired now, this was a very late night for me already. After a while he began this tickling game which involved him tickling the underside to my forearm to the inner side of my elbow, he couldn’t go beyond as my P.J. top sleeve would roll no further up my arm. This again went on for a while, till he asked me to remove my top. He also had no top on from entering the bed, just some bottoms. The tickling game progressed very slowly indeed covering all aspects of the top half of my body around my nipples, neck, and waist as well as all over my back, as after a while he asked me to turn over. He also started asking me to close my eyes while he drew numbers and words on my body with his finger on both front and back, and I had to guess what they were etc. Again, this went on for some time. This then progressed, as I was instructed to do the same to him.
After doing this over and over for some time, we then progressed by him then telling me to mirror his tickling to follow him with my hand on him. So following where his hand went on my body I had to do the same to his body. This straight away started low down in the stomach area with us tickling each other around the belly button.
Again this progressed slowly, eventually to below our P.J.s trousers, slowly at first then returning back above my bottoms, then ultimately going below again and staying below playing with each other. I kept pulling away over and over but he would start the process again, slowly and eventually we would end up below trousers again.
He would be reassuring me it was OK, eventually staying in this area for what seemed a very long time, I was asked to copy/mirror him all the time, eventually carrying out mutual masturbation.
I eventually after moving my hand away for the 5th/6th/7th time, got the reaction I was after, it stopped, although I never said a word. He began just ticking my torso and almost whispering in my ear, again for some time and this is the last I remember as I fell asleep.
This still haunts me to this day. Did anything else happen after? Did he continue to play with me, did he do or try anything else? I will never know! It’s one of the hardest things I have had to try and deal with over the years, I just hope nothing did! How and why did I have to fall asleep?
I woke sometime in the night, and he was in the bed asleep, then in the morning I awoke to find myself alone in bed and minutes later he came buzzing into the room, acting his normal, enthusiastic, happy self. Everything was back to normal. Well it was for him!
But I was lost, scared and unsure of what the next 24 hours had in store for me. I was 90 minutes in a car away from home, no phone, and no social media back then, and all alone!
Soon after breakfast we set off to the football course at Macclesfield College, which both my now abuser and another coach led. I was back doing what I loved, and if I’m honest, forgot what had happened the night before and as the day went on, the praise towards myself from him and his football coach friend, Tony grew.
Tony knew I stayed at Barry’s house, as he made comment on our arrival as Barry and I had all arrived early to set up.
Tony had arrived to prepare and they both seemed close and good friends, but between them they made my worries all go away to the extent I was happy to be around him again.
Even after I had finished the skills course, and we got some food, I felt great. The course had gone well and I felt fine. Barry was telling me how much I had improved and how well I had done, and that I should have no problem getting into his team and when could I make the trip over again? I was still good enough to play for his team, the City dream was still very much alive.
It was only after we had arrived back at his flat and the door closed that I began to start to worry again!
It suddenly dawned on me that I had another night there, and was alone again. This feeling has never left me if I’m honest.
How a child deals with that feeling, knowing they are about to be abused, knowing it’s coming and can feel they can do nothing about it, is such an upsetting feeling for me now.
Is it any wonder the effects on children’s mental health follows them for the rest of their life after a prolonged or any period of sexual abuse.
The evening followed a very similar pattern to the night before, except there was massage involved on the second night, to my thighs, calves and feet, just him to me at first then me to him, then both together as we sat facing each other on the couch, our backs against the two couch arms. He was praising me the whole time, and being so friendly I felt so loved by him. I believed everything he said about me being a star of the future!
This time after I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed, I was frightened – no it was far worse than that, I was terrified, and for whatever reason I just knew it was about to happen again, so it took me a long time to even leave the bathroom. I just hoped I was wrong. He had been so nice all day, surely it wasn’t going to happen again – I tried to convince myself. I left the bathroom.
On leaving the bathroom I entered the front room/bedroom to find the big light already out and just the light from the TV lighting up the room. As I went behind the door to get into bed, Barry was already in it!
I was asked to remove my top and get into bed.
Other than being on opposite sides of the bed to each other this time, the abuse developed much quicker this time, he seemed very keen to speed the process up, we progressed through the tickling and games, and although I rejected his advances in my body actions, by turning away on numerous occasions, when I turned the opposite way, I could feel him hard and pressing against my bottom, over the top of my P.J. bottoms. Eventually, after some time, it ended up with us tickling and playing with each other again, which led to mutual masturbation for a second evening, again for a prolonged period of time. I kept stopping and again it started. This happened on many occasions, it stopped then just started yet again, then when I finally turned away he continued on himself pressing against my behind on occasions as he pleasured himself. I could feel the movement and the sound, again something that has never left me.
The following morning, I awoke and had breakfast and then basically felt that I spent (what seemed like) hours, stood at the window, looking out ,praying for my dad to arrive any time soon! Barry again was acting completely like his normal self, never mentioning the night before, but he was spending a lot of time going over how he could help me get on the football ladder and praising me, reminding me about his City feeder team.
Finally, Dad arrived in the small car park which was down a short way away from the property. I had never been so pleased to see someone in my life and I grabbed my bag, basically said bye and ran out to meet my dad, before he could get out of his car fully and walk up the path. I wanted to go home not go back inside, so although my dad wanted to speak to Barry, I think they managed a brief wave to each other and we were off. I was safe!
Later, when interviewed by the police in 2013, my dad stated that when he collected me from the house, as we were driving off , he had said he had asked me if I was OK and if I had enjoyed myself?
I don’t remember saying these words to my dad even to this day, but I am told I said “Barry tried to get into bed with me dad, but I wouldn’t let him dad !! So he slept on the floor!”
It was my cry for help probably, I have been told since by a Counsellor, which went unheard. My dad told police that after it first came out about Bennell in 1997, he had wanted to ask me about my comments from April 1980 but was scared of hearing the answer. My dad had wondered for years had I been abused? He just never knew and he never asked, how could he? I wish he had. But I never, ever blamed my parents.
But I was safe now with my dad in the car. I would be home soon, then rip up Barry’s letters to me and never write back again. He had never been to my house before and I lived 90 minutes away in a car. I would never see him again. I was safe!
When we got home I ran upstairs and got all my letters, ran out the back of my house, down the alley and ripped them up, then went into my local YMCA, just 100 yards further up the alley and threw them all in the bin. I kept my trophies, my photograph and certificates, as I was so proud of these, but the letters; as he was no longer my hero, they had to go and there would be no more writing!! Who needed letters?
I was lost, alone and very confused. My Grandad had recently died too (my mums dad), several days earlier I think, and my mum was a bit of a mess. Maybe this is why my changed behaviour was not noticed at home. My mum was grieving badly at the loss of her dad, while my dad was trying to be supportive towards her.
I spent a lot of time alone over the next few months, upstairs in my bedroom.
I started having some strange thoughts during this period too, was I now gay? I wasn’t even sure what being gay was, but I knew it was two men kissing at that stage, so I must be gay right? But we hadn’t actually kissed. What had we actually done?
I had no idea what a sex offender or paedophile was. I didn’t understand what had happened to me, I had never heard of sexual abuse. I was 12 back in 1980, but probably only as educated and street-wise now, with the internet and social media etc, as an average 8 year old is, in relation to anything around abuse, basically completely naïve, I was lost and alone!
I had never played with myself before.In fact, before I stayed at his house, I think the only time I had ever touched myself, was to clean it in the bath, yet now I was spending time exploring my own body at just 12 years old. I was going upstairs most evenings to be alone to masturbate. This only made me think though that I must have also enjoyed my abuse too, did I ? I was doing it to myself now! It felt nice, so I must have enjoyed it right?
Just a few weeks after I arrived back home from his flat, I came home from school one day to find my mum sat in the front room of the house, the best room, the room which was just for when we had guests. I expected to find a relative in the room with her, or one of mums friends. As I walked in the house my mum said, “is that you David?” In a very excited tone, “come and see who is here to see you!”
Excited, I bounded into the room to find my now abuser sat on the couch to my right, directly in front of the window, and yet sat with an attractive looking lady of similar age. This confused me even more. He was gay right? So why was he with a lady? I didn’t understand gay, I just knew it was that men liked men, wasn’t it? But after what had happened and what I had done, I was now gay, wasn’t I?
After entering the room, I sat on the floor by my mum, very unlike me, and never left her side. We spoke for 10-15 minutes about me and football, then the words came from my mum that would horrify me for many, many years.
Mum said “why don’t you take Barry upstairs and show him all your trophies and medals.” Oh my god, no way out of this… But why wouldn’t my mum suggest this? It was a very normal thing to say, I was and am still to this day, very proud of my collection, and she knew it would normally make me very happy. I was just 12 years of age after all. In fact, normally I didn’t need mum, or anyone else for that matter to ask for me, visitors were normally dragged upstairs by me on their arrival.
The plan which came to me very quickly, was to get upstairs, show them to him, and get back down as fast as possible! A great plan, well I thought so.
My plan was all going fine, until I went to leave my bedroom and head back downstairs. He stood in the doorway of my room and in, not an aggressive manner just looked at me and said…
“Don’t worry I won’t tell your mum what you did to me.”
I sort of brushed past him as I shot back downstairs as fast as I could, to get back with my mum.
All the time thinking, What had he just said…….?
What I did to him?
Would I now get into trouble?
What did I do?
It was his fault right?
He made me, didn’t he?
I didn’t have any choice did I?
Who would believe me?
He was a respected coach? He worked for Butlins!
My parents thought the world of him!
He was a coach for a professional football club!
Was it my fault ?
Please don’t tell my mum, I thought, as I re-entered the room and sat back on the floor next to my Mum.
Just minutes after we got back downstairs they both left.
His excuse for coming was to drop off my badge and certificate from the Skills Award course, which I had passed. My Silver Coca Cola silver skills award, a course endorsed by the FA – which he told me at his house he would post to me.
So why come to my house? To ensure I was OK?
To help ensure I stayed silent?
To show me he could find me anytime he wanted?
To show me that my parents thought the World of him?
Maybe he was worried, as he did not have the same control over me week to week, as it turns out he had with almost all the other Survivors as I later found out.
But I didn’t need to impress him anymore to stay in any team, I had never actually played for his team, and I was already at Blackpool FC.
I didn’t need him anymore, although he was my hero until I stayed with him. I thought the absolute world of him, he was cool, so good at football skills, gave me so much praise and confidence, I was so confused.
As my mum came back inside the house, after she had seen them both out, and while I was stood near to the bottom of the stairs, she asked me was I ok?
I didn’t seem happy to see Barry? Did anything happen at his house when I stayed? I said no mum, and ran upstairs, quickly.
Days became weeks, weeks became months, and each day seemed to get a little easier, but it was months before I was easy about coming in from school again. The first few months were terrifying, I had honestly convinced myself he would come back!
He did write again, very soon after he visited my house. I ignored his letter, ripped it up, and again put it in the bin at the YMCA.
I hoped I would never see him again, although it took a long time before I believed this fully, many months in fact.
These few months were very difficult for me and trust me when i say you never forget that feeling of worry as a child. Or as an adult!
I continued to spend time alone in my room when I wasn’t playing football or at school etc..
As time went by, life seemed to continue, with the exception of my mixed emotions and my lack of trust in many people; well basically men, as well as feeling unsure about who I was.
I spent several years hanging around with younger boys, some 2 or 3 years younger than me,as my own school friends and I started approaching 13 then 14 years of age, as boys my age were starting to get girlfriends, and if I’m honest, I felt a little lost. I had all the feelings and was attracted to girls, but was embarrassed and had no one to talk too and wondered still, as I had got aroused myself during my abuse and by what happened that must mean I was gay, right? I must have enjoyed it, right? Did I enjoy it? I started doing it to myself on my return home so I must have enjoyed it?
It was a difficult period for me, having to deal with it alone.
As time went by, I stored it away in the back of my head. I still had trust issues, but tried to move on. I still had all the nightmares and flashbacks, but started to live a sort of normal life, or what was now normal to me.
I kept reliving it over and over in my head, every single day, many times each day! I wanted to tell someone, but how? Who? Nobody would believe me, would they?
I was sexually abused twice over two evenings, yet this has without doubt had a massive impact on my whole life. I can only try and imagine what the effects of long term sexual abuse are on a Child’s mental health.
As I grew older, I would have more good days than bad, but I did have bad! It is difficult to stop thinking about things when so many things remind you of him. Just the words Manchester City or Macclesfield, or watching someone practising football Skills and tricks with a ball, especially on their shoulders, or even me practising this, always reminded me of him, or just the mention of American Soccer teams, as he had given me one of their shirts while I was on holiday at Butlins. Everything takes you back, makes you think. It is now over 40 years ago, yet I can still take myself back to the room.
As I became an adult, certain aspects of foreplay and tickling with my girlfriends, as well as conversations around Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) were always very difficult.
I attended a Childcare Course with work in my early 20’s, which had a subject area covering Sexual Abuse. I found this incredibly difficult for me, but I had to cope alone. The rest of the class had no idea how hard that session was for me to sit through.
Also, teaching children how to play football, something I did for over 30 years after I left school (in fact I’ve done a little in my new job too), always reminded me of him, although people until I disclosed, had no idea of the bad memories it brings back to me, and always has to this day. It has had a huge impact on my life and continues to do so.
Although I have loved every second of coaching children how to play football, to let them enjoy and progress in the game we all love, I have however had many occasions when I have had flashbacks/triggers while actually coaching!
It probably doesn’t help that I always tried to coach the way he coached me. Buzzing around showing loads of passion and enthusiasm, I even do keep ups on my shoulders that he taught me! To this day, I am very good at them. I just want children to enjoy the game we all love and be safe. I did my best to make this happen. To have the good side without the bad!
I did eventually go on to spend three seasons at Preston North End and captained the Youth and A team, as well as the Reserves on occasion and ended up playing over 50 games in the reserves during this period. In those days most of the games were played on the actual first team pitch, so I have played on around 30 professional football pitches, many of which sadly are no longer around, as modern stadiums have replaced them.
These are still to this day, three of the best years of my life. I loved every single minute of almost achieving my dream. Which was always to play first team football.
A fan letter (the only one I ever received), from a lady when I played away at Notts County (then in the football league) is still my most precious item. Signing autographs and feeling like a professional footballer was the best feeling in the World.
Previously, I had spent my last 2 years while at school with Burnley FC, but just weeks before I left school they informed dad and myself that I wasn’t going to get the 2 year YTS they had verbally already offered me. I was heartbroken. I had managed to even get a game for their reserves before I left school too, at just 15 years of age.
I left school at the end of May 1983, and started work at Fylde Coast YMCA on July 4th 1983. To this day, that’s the only period of my life when I have not been on a payroll, working, around 6 weeks in total, I am very proud of this, almost 37 years of non-stop employment working within the local Community, where I was born and raised.
The YMCA was the place I had spent most of my life growing up, and where I certainly had strong connections. At this time my brother Graham was already working there too. I would teach children sports, run holiday clubs, run youth groups, organise and run discos, work in the café and on reception; what a brilliant job, and I loved every second of it. All my friends used the facilities too.
Around the middle of September, I was spotted playing for a men’s Saturday team by a Preston North End scout, I had just turned 16 and was taken in for trials and then joined them from the end of October 1983.
I also still worked at the YMCA most evenings from 3pm-7pm, as well one day during the week and also some hours at the Weekend on a Saturday evening. I also worked at the YMCA full time for the 2 months Summer break from football too. Things were very different back then.
The dream never went any further though after Preston. Although I spent time in non-league, I played mainly at a comfortable level for me, in the West Lancashire League after that for several different teams, as my work at the YMCA was difficult to manage around Saturday football, as the travel time was difficult, so I generally played my football across the North West of England only. Maybe I should have hung around at North End for another year, as they had offered me guaranteed Reserve team football again for another season on non-contract forms in ‘86/’87, but I walked away as I needed to dedicate myself to the YMCA and my career.
After 3 seasons, my time at North End was done.
I continued to work at the YMCA from July 4th 1983 until the end of November 2018, serving the local sports and Community of Fylde Borough for over 35 years. In late 2018, I even won the award for Lifetime Achievement from the Borough I grew up in, which I am also extremely proud of.
Keeping the abuse I had suffered well secure at the back of my head was OK most of the time, but in or around 1997 I caught sight of a programme on TV that would blow my mind, a programme that was highlighting a football coach who had been convicted of Sexual Abuse offences abroad in America and then to boys in England too, he faced new charges in this Country.
It was the same man. Bennell had abused other boys!
By this stage in my life (I was now 30), I was obviously fully aware what Sexual Abuse was, but had no idea of the huge scale of sexual abuse. I never thought there would be others until that day. I had just never given thought to it that way. I was special, he told me, wasn’t I?
This was mind-blowing;
But now there were others!
But how many others, as nobody was aware of me.
How many more ME’s were their?
This flagged everything up for me, yet again. Another very difficult period of my life.
A day or so after the programme, I went to collect my young son, Daniel from my mum’s house, and could not believe it when mum asked me if I had seen the programme?
I sort of tried to get off the subject, but mum asked me again, for a final time, after she had also asked me all those years ago, after Barry had left my house in 1980. Did anything happen to me when I stayed at his house, I said no again.
Then she said the words that would ultimately keep me quiet for many more years to come. As I had been struggling with everything over the last day or so, I felt ready to disclose. I felt strong and knew there were now other boys who were sexually abused by this Monster. I was ready to tell everyone, including police.
I also knew now there would be many more boys.
It would be so hard to tell though. Embarrassing and would I be believed, and once you tell all your family and friends, your girlfriend or wife, even your own children, there is no going back!
I knew now that we could be talking 100’s of Victims, this man coached for like 20 years. I knew he had been obsessed with me in that house all those years earlier, he never left me alone.
Mum’s reply after I answered her NO was clear, “Thank god, as I am not sure how or if I could have coped if it had!”
As I put my son in my car outside her house, I made up my mind that I would now never disclose until after my mum had passed away. His punishment for his offences towards myself would have to wait, and that could and hopefully would be many years away. It hurt, but I wanted to protect my mum.
I had managed to wait this long, I would just have to wait even longer.
For many years after that day, it ate away at me, and as I grew older and wiser it hurt so much to stay silent, but I continued to keep my Secret Promise to my mum.
Life went on and I had many good days, but also some bad. My career at the YMCA was going well, and life was ok.
I now had two fantastic children, who I loved and cared for so much. My daughter had joined the family now in April 1998, with my son, being 2 years and 3 months older to the day.
Some of the hardest times have been around my own children, as I was fairly obsessed with looking after them, to keep them safe when they were little, without obviously anyone knowing. This all came to a head however, when the children were 12 and 10 and my marriage broke down with their mum.
Later a man started living with my children.
It was at this stage I almost lost the plot. That period of my life was so difficult, as I had gone from being a dedicated dad, to not seeing my children for days on end, knowing they were sleeping in the same house as a man I didn’t know anything about. My son was the same age as me when I was abused, he was just 12 , and I was struggling to function.
Hopefully now, everyone understands why I was losing my mind. Although not officially diagnosed by a doctor, I believe during this period I had a breakdown. I could not sleep or concentrate on anything for at least a year, maybe as long as 18 months. I was a zombie walking. I did have depression for which I was treated.
Several years later, In around June 2012, my mum called her sons to her house and dropped the bombshell that she had been diagnosed with Cancer, which we had all suspected for some time, as tests had been going on for what seemed a very long time, and this was eventually changed / upgraded to terminal cancer just several months later in September that same year.
At this horrifying stage of my life, with this horrendous news having just been dropped on us, all I was starting to think about was disclosure, how, where and when?
I was devastated. I had grown so close to my mum over the last 10 years or so, yet all I could think of was disclosure. It haunts me now, although I hid it as well as I could at the time. I had waited for justice for over 32 years at that time.
I spent at least an hour a day with my mum from September 2012 until January 20th 2013, when she sadly finally passed away, surrounded by her whole family at home. My mum and dad had split up when I was 18. Her passing was a very difficult time for my 3 brothers and I, as well as my own children who loved Grandma very much. My mum was very much like their second mum.
Yet all the time I was watching her waste away through this horrible and cruel disease, I was looking for photos, my trophies, certificates, anything from Butlins, anything that linked me to Bennell; Evidence which would eventually help get him convicted.
How wrong is that? I feel terrible even now writing this, as I was watching my mum die each day, hiding this secret promise that I made to myself, that I would never disclose while she was alive.
At the funeral service, I even read a long sort of poem that I had written. It included a line in the middle which said, “I promised I would keep it secret mum, but it’s almost my time”.
I did get asked about this at the wake but ignored the questions mainly, or just answered saying maybe one day I will tell you all. It was mine and mums secret to keep. My son was concerned but went along with my reply.
Just 5 days after the funeral on Monday February 4th 2013, I walked into Macclesfield police station alone. Why Macclesfield when I was living in Lytham at the time of disclosure? Simply, I didn’t want to walk into a police station close to home, so where else should I go? So I went to where it happened. By chance, that was a good thing to have done, as the County it happened in could now carry out the investigation. This is helpful although I had no idea about that at the time.
After parking, I set off trying to find the police station on foot, two or three times I almost went and got back in the car, but I was determined to do this, so in the end I had to ask where the station was, as I couldn’t find it. It turns out I was very close, but now as I approached, I took a few deep breaths, walked up to the counter and stated that I would like to report a case of Non recent Childhood Sex Abuse.
My heart was bouncing! I had never felt anything like the way I felt at that time, but I was ready.
I had told Teresa who had now become my fiancée, that after my mum’s funeral, as we both had a week off work, that I needed the Monday to go somewhere and do something, I couldn’t tell her what it was now, but I would tell her as soon as I got back.
Teresa was obviously worried, but agreed.
In the police station, after I spoke to the man on the front desk, I was taken to an interview room and told to wait while he contacted a trained officer.
Two lady officers walked in, around maybe 20/30 minutes later.
I had no idea what to expect or how hard it would hit me, but Alison from the police was great. She asked me for brief details initially, and what information I could provide about my abuser.
This was incredibly difficult – as I am sure you can imagine reading this, I gave little detail of the abuse that day however, just enough that they understood what had happened.
They took copies of my photos and certificates that I had taken with me, as evidence.
They told me they would start to look at the case and keep in touch with me. Alison also told me they would want to videotape my full interview and this would be done soon. I mentioned I was off work that week, so it took place just 2 days later in the end.
It was however in my naïve eyes, very simple now;
Go and arrest him!!
Oh! how naïve was I back then!
I can honestly say that I had zero experience of the criminal justice system, and just how badly it can treat people. The effects of poor treatment from all those professionals has affected me badly, for almost 7 years now. I know it has also affected 100’s of other Survivors across the UK, I have spoken to since.
The Public Interest test that the CPS uses to determine whether a case should go to court, was never mentioned on that trip to the station that followed on the Wednesday, just two days later, when I did my taped video evidence – where I had to go into full detail for the very first time ever with anyone.
As I left the police station, on Monday February 4th 2013, after disclosing my abuse for the first time, I got back to my car, which I had parked in the multi-story car park close by, and finally just fell apart.
Sobbing all alone for around 30 minutes – it was probably less – but honestly felt much longer. To this day I have never felt a feeling like it.
I was certainly hit by a wall of emotion.
I drove home with tears in my eyes still, and the next part was going to be equally as hard, if not harder. I would be telling my fiancée, a loved one for the first time,my secret. It was now dawning on me what was in store for the next few weeks, as surely this would all be over very quickly; Bennell had been previously convicted for the Sexual Abuse to boys twice before in America and in England, and in total to 7 other boys, or so I thought at the time, it was 7 anyway. One in America and six in England.
I arrived home and text Teresa, who was still a short time away from home. It was incredibly hard but I somehow managed to tell Teresa shortly after she arrived home. She has since told me that it was a million miles away from what she thought I had been doing. She felt I might have gone around and spent some time at some of my other family members graves, after just losing my mum.
We spent a very emotional evening together, and it wasn’t until after I told her, that I started to think what if she leaves me?
It had never even entered my head until then. She was brilliant with me though, very strong and supportive, although we had a good cry together. Teresa by now had qualified as a Mental Health nurse, and was working at times with offenders of Childhood Sexual Abuse.
Sex Offenders !
I had found this very hard but until this day had said nothing at all. I just never wanted to talk about Teresa’s work, now she understood why. Teresa changed her employment not long after, but stayed working within Mental Health services at that time.
Her experience though, and her support were much needed! I didn’t go into much detail, she didn’t need to know everything did she, so I kept the abuse brief.
Teresa is very close to her sister and has 3 children (all now adults) of her own, from a previous marriage, and the one thing I asked at that stage was that she told no one.
So much to ask I know, but at that stage I was keeping it a secret until I saw where it was all going.
I honestly thought at the time that it would just be for a few weeks.
This was hard for her, as I now know she wanted to talk to someone other than me, and I wouldn’t let her, for which I am sorry, as in the end it went on for months and months, before I allowed her to tell her parents and sister. I am so sorry for this, even to this day. I left her alone like I had been for all those years without anyone to talk to. How could I do that? I just didn’t want anyone to know at that stage. I just thought if she needed to talk, she could talk to me. Everyone needs someone, I was wrong, I know that I just wasn’t thinking right!
On the Wednesday, just 48 hours after I had travelled to Macclesfield to disclose, we travelled back to Macclesfield together; Teresa by my side, for me to do my taped interview, which is when I think I found out about the two tests that must be met for prosecution from the CPS.
Evidence was always going to be hard, as it was so long ago, but I had things that proved I had met Barry Bennell and attended the course in Macclesfield, and stayed at Butlin’s twice on holiday.
Also, it would have been impossible for me to even know about the small one-day football skills course in Macclesfield in April 1980, had we not kept in touch with Barry – writing backwards and forwards over those 11 months too, as there was no social media in those days, to inform us about a 1 day soccer course in Macclesfield.
In 1980, Macclesfield was for me like the other side of the World.
I also had my own, very detailed personal memories of the Abuse and I did think at that stage my dad would surely remember taking me to his house in 1980, and be a witness, although I wasn’t certain.
But the 2nd CPS test, which was public interest, was a given; surely. I never gave it a second thought.
How could it not be in the public interest to send back to prison, a what would be then, a 3 time convicted Child Sex Offender? Of course it would be in the public interest, no problem!
How wrong would I be? I would later found out!
The next few weeks, which turned into months, were quiet; just some emails going backwards and forwards with the police and the occasional call. The way I saw it was, there was only my dad and Bennell to interview, once I had done my taped interview, so it would be over in days or a few weeks surely?
The police as it turned out, had no idea who Bennell was when I disclosed, even though Bennell had been on TV years before from his previous cases and had been convicted in the same area years before too.
To be fair, all this had happened before the officers I was dealing with would have even joined the police, so how would they know him.
When the police eventually travelled down South, to where Bennell now lived to interview him, Bennell denied everything, it was him in the photographs with me, he agreed that, but said that he didn’t know me at all. He said he had coached lots of kids, 1000’s. He did admit that it was his M.O. to sexually abuse boys around the age of 12, good young footballer’s etc but that was it. He would not admit to anything else!
When I was informed of this, it made me so angry. I was fuming, how dare he!!!
I was already going out of my mind, but it wound me up so much the night I was informed. To this day, it still gets to me! It just made me more determined to prove him a liar, to get him to court and then into prison.
It turns out (as I later discovered) that you can deny all charges and plead Not Guilty all the way through a case, put Survivors through Hell, then plead guilty at the very start of the trial and get a pat on the back and be thanked for pleading guilty at that stage, and still get time off your sentence!
What about over 2 years of lying, and the Hell that survivors go through to get to Court?
The British Justice system… At that stage, in my opinion, you should not get a reduced sentence, if you plead guilty on the day of the trial!
Give Offenders a strict deadline, say 3 months before the start of Court as a last chance to plead to get a reduced sentence. This would often speed up cases, and save Survivors from going through so much pain.
Still allow Offenders to plead guilty on the day, if they wish but at this stage, do not offer them any sentence reduction. Why should they get the reward of a shorter sentence for a plea on the day?
Just a few weeks after I disclosed, my dad was interviewed. He told me afterwards, that when the Lady PC from Blackpool police walked in to his house and asked if he was Martin Lean and did he have a son called David? – for a few seconds he thought he was about to be told I was dead! Although to be fair though other than that, my dad said she was very kind and I thank her for that.
My dad was by that stage a frail old man, although his brain and memory were great and still very active. His brain in fact, was the only thing working well at that time, if I’m Honest!
I never wanted to disclose while my dad was alive either. I knew it would break his heart too, but I knew he would remember taking me to his house, and me staying over while I attended the course, which he very clearly did as it turned out. Thankfully!
He also told police on interview that after it came out about my abuser in 1997/98, that it often made him wonder about my comments, when I got into his car as he collected me from his house in 1980. My dad told me later he thought something had happened , but was scared to ask.
My dad also told me to talk to my three brothers, and my Step dad, as my dad said he wanted to be able to talk freely about it with my brothers – his 3 other sons.
My dad was very upset and blamed himself. I told him on many occasions before he passed away, that it was never his fault, never! The last time was during our very last conversation, alone together, a day or so before he passed away. My dad apologising on his deathbed. It hurt so much, still does. Was I selfish to disclose while he was still alive? I needed my dad, he was there for me, I will never forget that dad x
I truly believe that too – it was never my parents fault – even today. My abuser was so clever, he groomed me and my parents so well, I never blamed my parents. There was NO education to raise awareness in 1980!
They both loved me very much, and it was never their fault. Child Abusers were in those days, seen as very strange people, who lived alone and they most certainly were not talented young football coaches with girlfriends in their mid 20’s.
I had now disclosed to around 6 or 7 family members and was telling nobody else until I saw where it was heading. That included my two children and all my other family and friends, as well as work colleagues.
My first ever counselling session started around 6 to 8 weeks after my disclosure, and continued for 2 years, on almost a weekly basis.
I am very grateful to the police and Alison for arranging this. I am not sure I could have got through it without Helen, Sarah and Jo as well as Rachel from Drugline in Blackpool, who helped sort everything out for me, and they were all lovely throughout my sessions. I was mixed up and angry and so needed to talk each week, as I was driving everyone else I had disclosed to mad.
It was also a subject nobody was comfortable around who I had disclosed to, and I needed to talk about very sensitive issues with someone too.
Finally, in late May 2013 the file was handed in to the CPS, but the police seemed happy with the evidence. They said my accounts of the abuse were almost exactly the same as previous boys – from the ‘97 case [To clarify I had not spoken to any of the boys from the 1997 cases until 2017, 2 years after my own case was complete].
My case was obviously in the public interest also as all Child Sex abuse cases should be, so I was confident charges would be issued on Bennell.
Then I received the CPS letter, followed up by a call from my police officer. They would ultimately end up changing my life; for what has now been almost 7 years since I walked into a police station, back on February 4th 2013.
My case was being dropped by CPS as it was not seen as in the public interest to prosecute a Child Sex offender, even though they thought I was credible and that I had passed their own evidence test!
It stated that due to his previous convictions for offences that took place around the same time (early 1980’s) as mine, they felt he had served his time. If I had come forward with the others in 1997, my offences may not have added any time to his sentence then!
What?
What about justice?
What about these horrible things he had done to me?
What about the impact on my life ?
How could additional offences to me not add time to a sentence ?
I was in shock, I was angry, I was bitter and I was so upset and emotional. What’s worse, I was about to go away for 2 days with Directors from work that same morning, who were completely unaware of anything and as such, I would be unable to speak to Teresa properly. I was going out of my mind. Those two days were horrendous!
When I got back home I set about with real vigour, questioning and trying to appeal this decision with the CPS, as it was surely wrong! I began the process by looking very carefully at the CPS website, from top to bottom and looking for every key detail to do with public interest.
The police were sorry, but didn’t feel they could help me with my appeal in anyway.
I began sending daily emails to the CPS, asking for the appeals process. I was told in my decision letter I could have a meeting with CPS officials, but that the decision would not be changed. How could this be right? How can such a huge decision be made and have no right to appeal? Why would anyone bother to go to a meeting if the decision will not be changed? I guess 99% wont, which is I guess just how the CPS liked it.
Why would I possibly want to take a day off work, travel to Liverpool, and meet with the people who had now, I felt, ruined my life, if I had no hope of re-opening my case?
When I received my letter there was also a hand-out from the CPS enclosed, which clearly stated that from time to time – for special reason, cases can be reopened.
Well this has to be one, as he is a twice convicted sex offender, and they say I am a credible witness and the evidence test is ok to go forward, so what’s the problem?
But I had nothing to lose and I was very determined and at the end of the day – how could this decision be right?
There was also nothing more certain than the lady who had made this decision for the CPS, would have to sit in front of me and explain her actions to my face, and not behind a letter or a keyboard. She would have to face me!
In the meantime, I was also starting to get responses from the CPS, that were unclear and unprofessional in certain aspects. After a period of time, this got to be such a concern, that I started a complaint against the CPS, with regards to my treatment outside of my decision regarding my case, but about their professionalism in general.
The day had come for my meeting with CPS and Teresa and I travelled down to Liverpool. The meeting would be held in the Liver buildings and run by two Senior Officials and a secretary from the CPS, in July 2013.
The lady who made the decision about my case, was not at the meeting.
Why? I wondered, and still wonder.
I remained professional throughout, and went through what I considered to be a tick box meeting. The two men were very nice, but not interested in what I had to say.
I was told my Offender had been rehabilitated!
I was told he had already served his time!
I was told it would cost around 20-30 thousand pounds for Crown Court!
I was told that there comes a point when regardless of the number of offences, a line must be drawn on sentence.
Finally; so this was about money!
Never mind that they said they believed me!
Never mind that they felt I had passed the evidential test!
Never mind he was a twice convicted Child abuse offender!
Never mind that he had over 20 charges still left on his file from previous cases!
Never mind they thought I was a credible witness!
It was not seen as in the public interest, and would not be reopened!
At the meeting I told the CPS that they needed to open a full investigation into my Offender.
I told them they needed to look, as I believed there would be 100’s more victims/survivors, not just a few!
They again told me NO. They would not reopen my case, but I could appeal to the National Childhood Sexual review panel, which had literally just been established.
It took them over 3 weeks to tell me about this panel, even though we were in daily contact at that stage, and they knew I was going out of my mind.
So I went and looked at every aspect of my case again, and put together a detailed letter explaining all the reasons for my appeal. Most of which, I had already fully explained to the CPS, but they were not interested.
On the CPS’ own website at the time, it stated that, Public interest was almost always met if….
The Victim was 12 years or under at the time, (I was 12 years old when I was sexually abused).
If there was a significant age difference between Offender and Victim, (well he was double my age at the time of my abuse).
If they are in a position of trust, (he was my coach and I was staying at his house).
If it was planned in advance, (he was writing to me for 7 months to get me to his house. I was GROOMED! Altogether it took 11 months to get me to his property from meeting him at Butlin’s in the May of 1979)
Finally, did the Offender have similar convictions ? (yes!)
Every single item of criteria mentioned as in the public interest on the CPS’ own website – I ticked every box! Yet the CPS still dropped my case against Barry Bennell.
I appealed to the panel in July 2013, and the first ever meeting of the new National panel was set for mid-September. My case would be a test case as one of the very first batch.
In the meantime I continued my complaint against the CPS service in general.
I eventually had my complaint looked at by an Independent complaints assessor into my case against the CPS, and my case was upheld. They were made to apologise.
My appeal case was heard by the National panel. You are not allowed to attend the meeting, they just look at the case again, through fresh eyes.
The people on the panel include a very senior member of the Police, and a representative of the CPS, along with 2-3 other key agencies. The wait seemed like years from July to mid September, and then you wait around 10 more days for the outcome letter. I had been through, and continued to go through hell, trying to cope at work was hard; trying to keep my mind in the game at home and with my kids and family was even harder!
Eventually the letter arrived and I just could not believe what it said!
“They could not make their blinking minds up!!!!” – Was my first thought.
This was completely unexpected; it was only ever going to be a yes or no answer surely?
What happens now?, surely not more waiting?
Believe me the public want Child Sex Offenders locked up!!
Public Interest was always met! What was the delay ?
What chance have you got if people don’t agree with this within our Justice System ? Surely sex offenders where the evidence test is met should go to Court!
The Panel wanted to speak to professional agencies, speak to others and look at feedback; then take it to the next meeting of the National Panel in January 2014.
It hurt, it hurt so much!
The worry was so hard for me at this stage! I did often wonder what was there to consider?
Was it ok for a man to do this to a 12 year old boy, and walk free? I was absolutely gutted but had got to the stage where I trusted nobody whatsoever, and particularly the CPS, who had treated me so badly in making the initial decision!
I’m not sure how I got through that Christmas, but I did. Towards the end of January 2014, again around 10 days after the meeting, which was set for mid-January 2014, I received an email from the panel.
I could not bring myself to open the email. I remember it like it was yesterday, even now. Teresa was sat in the room when I broke the silence, as I checked my emails. Teresa had been fantastic the whole time although like me, we both believed now that the case would not be reopened, and we were just awaiting the written confirmation.
I announced to her excitedly that I had received the email then opened it. It took a while for me to begin reading from the top, as I scanned straight to the bottom to get the answer!
I saw the outcome, but didn’t understand it? Yet again?
Then I began to read it out loud to Teresa.
Bla,bla,bla It has been decided that due to NEW guidance being issued that the case has been referred back to the CPS to relook at the case, under the new guidance.
What does this actually mean in English please?
What the same bleeding CPS that dropped it?
New guidance?
What new guidance?
I followed it up when I phoned the next day, and spoke to the panel secretary.
Basically he stated excitedly; that my case had changed the guidance in England – in terms of prosecuting people in cases similar to mine where only a nominal / short sentence or other punishment were maybe available. Effectively he told me, my case had changed the law of the land and could help 1000’s of people in the future.
The panel does not have the power to charge, but in light of the new guidance, the CPS will re-look at the case and as the evidence test was met – they should now charge, but it was down to the CPS dealing with it. The gentleman apologised for the time it had taken. I now fully understand the delay and am so proud to have pushed through this change in the guidance. I have huge respect for the National Panel and what it stands for and has achieved. Giving people a second chance through fresh eyes is so important, they do a brilliant job.
However my case was now going back to the CPS, In whom I had zero trust!
I waited around a month (don’t worry about my health), before I received an email from the CPS, stating that they had instructed Cheshire Police to charge my Offender!!
I had finally done it!!
I would get Bennell to Court.
This was just the start, I always knew it too! When Bennell got to Court, and the press were finally made aware and run a huge story, and the rest would be history, as it was never in doubt that there would be many, many more Victims!
I had already asked the police if I could go to the press and was told it would ruin my case. Then my case got dropped anyway!
It didn’t sink in until a few weeks after though, properly.
Justice was about to be served on a Child Sex Offender! Shouldn’t justice be served on every single person who sexually abuses a child if the evidence test is met?
Although I was very happy, it then started to hit me for the first time, that what if in court, they find him Not Guilty?
How would I cope with that?
Could I cope with that?
But I knew that even if that happened, which I very much believed would never be the case, I was still sure that 100’s more would come forward if it hit the media.
My case getting the guidance changed everything for many more victims coming forward in the future too.
Soon after, he was officially charged. How I wish I had been a fly on the wall that day! He must have known that many more would find the courage to come forward this time – He must have known that this was just the start!
Then it was about waiting for a Crown Court date, as he would go on to plead not guilty all the way along as it turned out.
I know these things can take a while, but it was way over a 12 month wait until the date came through. My dad was getting more unwell day by day, and again I appealed to the Courts and they agreed to move the Trial date at Crown court, 3 months earlier to April 2015 – still a long way off, but now I had something to plan towards. It was much better having a date than not, even if it was so far away.
The wait was so hard the Court system and powers that be, just don’t care. They have no idea how hard it is to carry on everyday life for 12 months, while you wait for your day in Court, that could (and did) end up to be one of the worst days of my life!
Remember during this period only around 7 or 8 people were aware of what was going on in my life.
It had finally arrived.
Tuesday April 7th 2015.
I drove to Chester alone, on the Monday afternoon – the day before court, and stayed overnight at a local hotel, just outside the City Centre. I am much better alone at times like this, and did not want Teresa to go through the Court case. My brother Graham was meeting me first thing Tuesday at the Chester racecourse car park across the road from the Crown Court.
I was fired up, ready to go, nervous of course – but ready for my day in Court, and to finally tell the world what this Monster had done to me!
If he’d had the nerve to plead Not Guilty all the way for the last 2 years I was ready to set the record straight.
And I would look the jury in the eye while doing so.
His Not Guilty pleas had hurt so much!
I had been advised to stay close, but not enter the Crown Court at Chester at all until I was called by Alison, the police officer who had handled my case. I was attending under special measures. I had made it very clear from day one, to everyone involved with the case, that although I wanted to enter Court, I never wanted to see Bennell, Never !
I wanted to give evidence behind a screen. I have issues and flashbacks with my memories and didn’t need to see his new current appearance to stay in my mind for the remainder of my life too. So I would go into the courtroom and give evidence behind a screen, so that I wouldn’t see Bennell.
Graham and I went for a brew, and a walk around. It was a lovely day, so we walked around by the river Dee. I am to this day forever grateful to Graham, for being with me that day. I received the odd text from Alison, they had some delays in Court and then eventually my phone started to ring – it was late afternoon by now.
It was a relief that we were just a few hundred yards away, as we started to walk in the direction of the court, as I answered the phone.
It’s sort of a blur, and I don’t remember much from that call, but I clearly remember the words “He’s pleaded Guilty, it’s over!” Then basically, you can go home!, I will be in touch with the Sentencing date later.
To say I was devastated would be an understatement! I was ready to go. I wanted my day in Court, wanted the press to report on the story, if any press were present that is; but I always knew the longer the case went on, the more the press would gain interest in this monster and my Truth!
I also knew even then, that he would get a pat on the back for a Guilty plea. Even at this late stage, and after the hell I had been through and was still going through, this makes it worse, over two years of pleading NOT guilty, and then he can just decide when he changes his plea and still get a pat on the back, it’s so wrong!
I spent that night at my hotel alone; I had booked the room for a few nights, as I expected to be there for a few days with the trial. I said goodbye to Graham and went back to my hotel and had long telephone conversations with Teresa, my dad and my other brothers. Everyone seemed happy except me, I was far from happy, which may seem strange to some people, as he could have been found not guilty had it gone to trial, but I wanted my day.
Everyone seemed happy except me. I was lost, upset and angry all over again. Little bits of press started to appear online later that evening; this grew to more online sites in local papers over the next 24-48 hrs. Fingers crossed other Survivors would see these. I knew there would be more! I told the police and CPS there will be 100’s, and I Just knew there would be. It just needed to let people see this and the Can of worms would open, it was just going to be a matter of time before the lid blew off this !
I received more information about the Sentencing hearing set for Friday May 8th 2015. Again it would be at Chester Crown Court. I was always unsure previously about reading my personal Victim Statement out in Court, as I was aware how hard it would be, but after being denied my day in Court, I would again under special measures attempt to go into Court to read my statement behind a screen.
I had stated from day one that it was very important to me that I never saw him in the flesh, as I knew it would mess with my head – and leave me long term new memories, that I didn’t need moving forward with my life after the trial .
I had made it crystal clear to everyone, that I never wanted to see this Monster or his current appearance, to give me new Nightmares I had lived my life with the old ones!
Again I drove alone to Chester, and was met by an official of the court at the side door at Chester, as arranged through special measures, and taken to a private room upstairs, as arranged. Eventually, after what seemed like a lifetime, an elderly gentleman came and told me they were ready in Court and to follow him. I took a huge deep breathe and began to follow him down stairs and through passageways, to a large wooden door with some glass in it.
As we approached the door I could see a figure, with the back of his head towards the door, and as the man who had been escorting me opened the door, this person whose head I could see turned our way, it was my Offender!!
It was Bennell. I instantly recognised him, even though I hadn’t seen him for around 35 years.
I was ushered in and told to sit to my left, on a chair near a large door several yards away. I quickly kept my head down and did as I was told to do and sat, head down but watching this figure to my right around 6-8 yards away out of the corner of my eye, if I’m honest I didn’t know what to do. We were alone, how could this have happened ?
I was starting to get angry when within a few minutes the door to my left opened, and a man looked at me as my eyes met his, and said Mr Richard Jones, I said “No! That’s not me!”
He asked me again, Mr Richard Jones, I said again louder that’s not me, I kept my head down !!
At this time I could sense, and then I looked and saw a figure heading my way, eventually standing next to me just a yard to my right, he then stated that he was Richard Jones!
Richard Jones AKA Barry Bennell was the name that this Multi Offending, sex offender had taken after his release from prison in 2004. Trying to create his new life. What about the Survivors? we can’t create a new life as easy can we? Offenders move to new areas and hide amongst the residents they live beside, who have no idea of who they really are, hidden in plain sight .
A short conversation between them took place as I was sat, with them talking over the top of my head and although I tried not to look at them, I did ! He was close enough to touch the whole time.
Within seconds he was gone and led into Court, how could this have happened? The one thing I had stressed from day one – that must not happen, I did not want to see him. I knew the effect it would have, and continues to have on me to this day, I only ever asked for one thing during all this, I never wanted to see him ! Never !
I fell apart! I was very angry, upset and emotional!!
How could this happen, how could they get it so wrong?
I had spelt it out loud and clear from day one!!
I never wanted to see him! I began to cry. I was alone for only another minute when the door opened again, and the same man appeared and asked me to follow him into Court.
I was angry but tried to remain professional. I told him, “I can’t go in now, I’m a mess!! I was never supposed to see him!!” But he was heartless, and just told me I needed to follow him in, now! I was trying to calm down and get ready for what would be the hardest thing I had ever done. The man had no idea how it affected me and not a care in the World, just doing his job and getting Court started, just ticking his box ! I was just a reference number to him!
As I felt I had been all the way along, no care was shown my way, except from by police officer Alison, who had been supportive – until the CPS dropped the case anyway, then things seemed to change from her too.
Nobody cares for Survivors, the process we go through, the time we wait , the disgraceful decisions, the impact it had on me or my family, the fact that I was trying to carry on working, and with my life, it had been so hard already.
I took a few seconds and I stood up ready to enter Court just as I got to the door I asked “The screens are up though in Court, as I had requested them aren’t they?”
To which I was almost man-handled out of the door, and the door closed again! I could hear commotions within Court, and my offender was told that he had to be led out of another door and out of Court as I had to walk from my door, to where the screens start, around 10-15 yards away. They had failed to erect the screens in Court too. If I had just walked in I would have been able to see him again, it was just unbelievable, but it actually happened.
I was then asked to go back in. How on earth could I be expected to deal with this and then carry on as normal? Nobody gave a stuff, nobody gave me any time! Nobody even asked if I was ok. I just had to get on with it!
With everything that had gone on, and then reading out my 5-6 page statement, I was very emotional and much of what the judge said is still a blur still to this day.
I do remember though, very early on in his Sentencing summing up, hearing the Judge state, “you will be getting a Custodial sentence today , you will be going to Prison!”
I had no idea who was in the Courtroom; I was whisked in behind the screen and spent most of the time looking at the judge.
It seemed to happen very quickly and before I knew it, he was talking about the actual sentence. I listened to how he was to have time knocked off his sentence for a guilty plea, as expected!
What a bad joke this is, to allow a Monster time off his sentence, when he had pleaded innocent for over 2 years, and along the way had denied even knowing who I was, is nothing short of a scandal. It didn’t stop me from going through anything either – his guilty plea; I wanted to go into Court, I wanted my day in Court!! Again it just saved time and money! Never mind what effect it had on me.
He was eventually handed a 2 year sentence and told he must serve a minimum of just one year in prison; this had started with the judge mentioning 4 years but soon became two years. 12 months of which was knocked off for that guilty plea, 25% of his possible sentence.
How do they work out sentences ?
I am now sure that it’s how the judge feels on the day, but Bennell was going to go to prison, there was always a huge possibility that he wouldn’t! It was such a great result, even though I knew he would be out in 12 months probably.
In fact Bennell started making strange noises behind the screen and his barrister stated he had not brought his feeding tube? Why not I thought? Did he think a guilty plea on the day would keep him out of prison, what a shame !!
Unlucky. He was lucky it was just 12 months behind bars in my opinion.
Barry Bennell aka Richard Jones was then taken down after some moaning about not having his feeding tube with him again! Then someone appeared and told me I could leave court now, it all happened very quickly.
The next thing I remember was getting a hug from Alison from the police and walking out of court, back to the same passageway I came from. I started to tell Alison what had happened but she seemed to just want to talk about if I was happy, and would I be ok? I was sort of happy but lost in my feelings.
How is just 12 months behind bars for him ever going to make me happy? It was such a short sentence but at the end of the day after what I had been through, the case being dropped and having to fight so hard and then what had just happened outside Court, at least he was going to prison, surely the press must have been in Court?
Please tell me the press were in Court? I asked Alison if she knew? She replied that yes there was definitely a journalist in Court!
I knew with more press, would come more survivors, I never doubted it for a minute! Over the next 7 days lots of local press came out about the case, online and in local papers, I was sure this would be enough to encourage others forward.
As it turns out I am now fully aware that both Andy Woodward and the first new Survivor to come forward to start the 2018 case had both seen these press releases and both did what they did on the back of this conviction for his offences to me. Without my conviction of Bennell, none of this would have started.
I wrote a complaint Chester Court as soon as I had got home and after their internal investigation, I was informed that, rules of escorting Victims under special measures was reviewed and had changed on the back of what happened to me. I also received an apology. Hopefully it would never happen to anyone else again.
No apology was ever going to be enough though, as now I see his current look everyday but nobody cares, it should never have happened but that’s my feelings with so much of my case; I had gone through so much – I was tired and frustrated of the fight and by this stage needed a break.
Around 5-6 weeks after the trial we went on our planned break, just Teresa and I, for 2 weeks away to Tunisia, to the beautiful resort of Port El Kantaoui, to relax and recover from the last 2 years and 3 months of hell, and to show my appreciation for all Teresa’s support and love.
We flew out on June 17th 2015 and were having a brilliant holiday when it happened, and being so close to the terrorist beach attack was very scary indeed. We were just 800 yards further down the beach and although safe and well, we heard the emergency services and had a military helicopter right above our hotel and witnessed the after events starting to unfold.
We were informed as we had just gone up to our room – to stay in it, as it was believed that the offenders at that time had not been caught. It did however put an end to our wonderful peaceful holiday, but it certainly took my mind away from Court and the other concerns I had at that time, which I couldn’t get out of my head until then, even though we were on holiday in a beautiful Country in the sun. What happened to those on holiday was horrendous and my thoughts will be with them till the day I die. Teresa and I were blessed that day.
I sat and checked my emails every day, after we got back and kept checking google and the papers for some sort of updates about possible Survivors coming forward – as surely there must be some, I always knew there would be.
Around 11 months after his conviction in April 2016, I could not believe that nobody else had come forward, surely police would contact me if they did, surely the press would be involved if they did, I had just about given up and if I’m honest, I could not believe that nobody else had come forward, when I emailed the police to ask about Bennell’s release date from prison.
I’m not sure why, but I just needed to know the date this Monster was going to be released, so I thought I would ask the obvious question for me to Alison. As it turns out I should have been informed by witness services about his release date and about him eventually being put back in prison in November 2018, as he was still on license for his offences to me after the scandal broke. I later received another apology from an area of the Criminal Justice system
Has nobody else come forward Alison? I also asked.
I waited a while for the reply and could not believe my eyes when the reply came. Although I had always expected more to come forward, I was blaming the lack of press interest for nobody else actually coming forward. When the reply came back I was shocked.
I could not believe that Alison said she had no idea when he was being released, BUT if he is, it won’t be for long as two more Survivors had come forward!! RESULT!
Oh my God! Incredibly, I was not informed, I suppose I had no right to be, but I had been going out of my mind. It now turns out that the first Survivor went to police just 4 months after Bennell was convicted for his offences to me, he told the police everything in September 2015.
I received this email in April 2016, some 7 months prior to the story breaking in the media about abuse within football in November 2016, others had already gone to the police and reported abuse by Bennell after seeing his conviction for me.
Sadly, my dad had also passed away just 7 months after Bennell was convicted so he never saw just how far his evidence helped so many. My dad has helped 100’s, as I know without him my conviction of Bennell would never have happened, and as such this would not have started.
No further details were provided in the police email to me, so for me it was just a waiting game. I knew the press would grab it this time, they had to!
Bennell would finally get what was coming to him, and if two more had come forward on the back of this small amount of local press, imagine what would happen when the National papers get hold of the story – which they eventually did in November 2016.
So I waited and I waited, yet nothing. I couldn’t understand what was going on. Then I remembered my own case, and how slow things were moving so I just had to try and stay calm, it would happen it – was just a slow process Dave, I kept reminding myself!
Then on Thursday 17th November 2016, I was asked to attend a two day work conference in Manchester and was at my Networking evening (basically in the pub) after the first day, when my phone started to ring, It was Teresa. I had spoken to her just 2 hours before so I thought it was strange. Dave she said, I’m not sure of the details but another Survivor has come forward re Bennell, it’s on the internet, just search it and it comes up. I was gobsmacked and wanted to know everything, but I was stood outside a pub in Manchester with people waiting for me inside.
Finally it had happened, but again I was not with anyone who was aware of my situation, and I felt all alone and was desperate to know more.
The group I was with knew nothing of my Childhood sexual abuse, or my actual case and it was fairly early in the evening, so I had to sit on this and it was driving me mad.
Was it one of the two Survivors I was aware of that had come forward on the back of my conviction for Bennell, or was it someone new?
Why was it all over the internet?
Why were they allowed to talk to the press when I wasn’t? In fact, I was told NO way, it would ruin my case?
When the evening ended, we walked back to the hotel and I was just a little merry when I entered my hotel room in Manchester, I set up my internet connection on my laptop and searched.
Waiting for my connection was painful, search, search, WOW!! But as I read it, the story was telling that of an Ex-footballer, who was part of the group, along with 5 other boys that got Bennell sentenced in ‘97/’98 and not a new case after all.
So why was this big press, it was 20 years ago?
It had become a huge story because the same offender- Bennell was still out on license for his offences to myself.
Also, a new victims case was at CPS already waiting for a charge decision. This 20 year old story was very current indeed, the Offender was Barry Bennell, he was about to be charged again and still only out on license for his sentence to me.
The story was told.
However I was delighted, it was all I ever wanted, for all my hard work and fight to pay off and get him sentenced for many years, not just 12 months like he got for myself, and to help bring other Survivors out of the dark and get the support and help many would need.
I had told both police and CPS there could be 100’s of victims, I told them to open a full investigation in 2013.
I was tired and a little merry from our night out, and maybe I wasn’t reading it right, the following morning I’m sure things would seem much clearer, but I was still on my conference.
The media attention was going mad and the days after followed the same format. More and more footballers were coming forward regarding CSA within football, but NOT all Survivors of Bennell, and some big names too; including at least two International players, the football scandal was born. The biggest scandal to hit English football!
Teresa mentioned to me a few days after the story broke, that I needed to contact someone; “I know you have always wanted to tell the media, you’ve asked many times but it’s better you contact them under your terms, than someone finding out who you are – which will happen you know, after all you started all this. Someone will find you!”
I wasn’t sure; so many people in my life had no idea of what had happened to me, it was a HUGE step. My two children, who lived with their mum, were unaware; as were all my friends and work colleagues, as well as the rest of the World. I needed time to think, but I didn’t have time now, did I?
A day or two later, after more than a week of footballer’s coming forward, I arrived home from work and turned on my computer while Teresa was preparing tea, and I saw an email with the header Sky News.
The email spoke very briefly and privately about complete confidence, and asked would I like to speak about something of what they stated was of fundamental public importance; it came from the Head of Sky home news herself.
At first I was a little angry, how did they find out who I was? I had gone into Court under, so called special measures? My name was never released in 2015.
This lasted just seconds until I spoke to the voice of reason; Teresa, who was right and calmed me down after all, by saying, “I told you they would find you if you didn’t contact them first.
I told you, your case is the link between the past and the present, and your Truth started this process. You fought so hard to get the law changed without which this wouldn’t have happened.”
I was angry, excited, nervous and terrified, all at the same time.
I made contact though and before I knew it, everything was arranged and lunchtime the following day (Friday 25th), the interview was planned to be filmed on Sunday 27th November 2016, locally in Preston, at the Marriott Hotel; and to be shown at Peak time – 7pm the following day, Monday 28th November 2016, and would be shown every half hour thereafter.
This gave me just a few days to inform my children of what was about to happen, and what had happened to their dad, many years before they were born. I needed to have a very difficult conversation within the next 48 hours.
I also needed to speak to my boss at work and inform him (which I did on the Monday afternoon), that just a few hours later the story would be out. I had actually informed my boss a few days before my trial, a few years earlier. I asked him to please keep it between us two, which he did, and I am very grateful for that. I had never provided any details to him back then, of the case.
I asked my boss as i needed time off work, the rest of the week if possible, starting tomorrow [Tuesday] as Sky had warned me the World may go mad for a while, with many different press outlets also wanting this story as it started this Scandal.
Sunday afternoon soon came round and I was as prepared as I was ever going to be, to do my first ever TV interview about a subject I had never spoken publicly about.
I was to be interviewed by Paul Kelso, who ended up being a very professional member of the press; he was kind and considerate as well as being sensitive. I am very grateful to this day for how Paul held the interview, and also grateful for the way Sky planned and looked after myself and Teresa from start to finish.
Paul met us in the bar/lounge area, and we sat and talked over a drink for around 30 minutes, as he calmed me down and made me feel at ease. The crew then came and got us all, and we went into an upstairs room within the hotel to hold the interview. Paul opened up and asked a few things and then just let me speak; It was the first time since the Police interview, and then just 2 days later we recorded the videotaped interview, where I was able to speak about my Truth in full. It was very hard and draining and to do this in front of 3 other people, as well as Teresa, who was listening to my full accounts for the first time herself. It was very difficult and emotional, but I managed to get through it, and after Teresa and I filmed the final part we headed back, just a short journey to our house, just several miles away.
I was informed by Sky that they would keep me in the loop right through the day on Monday, which Paul and Sky did, and I was fully aware of everything throughout. I was nervous as I spoke with my boss that Monday afternoon; that was the last thing I had to do before heading home to watch the interview for the first time, just a few hours later at 7pm.
Trying to eat was impossible and from around 6.30pm onwards, they started to advertise the interview coming up, and finally my name was out there!
The two hours I spent doing the interview were cut to two versions. One was around 10 minutes long, the other around 3 minutes, but they were well done and sensitively put together. I came off social media for a short while but my phone was going mad with texts. How brave, well done, Top Man were some of the comments, no going back now Dave I said to myself. Everything happened so quickly. I had been ready, but not prepared for what happened next.
Paul Kelso had warned me that other press outlets may be interested, but within 2 hours Paul informed me that day time TV, then National papers were interested in speaking to me. I gave him permission to pass on my number to anyone, as all I wanted to do was tell my story to the World, after being silent for so long as well as raising awareness of CSA within football and sport.
Early on Tuesday morning, TV networks were arranging trains for interviews in London on Wednesday and Thursday, then the Guardian rang me, followed by Granada Reports for a broadcast that same evening. I was also contacted by several local media outlets too. This was all before lunch on Tuesday.
Teresa had gone to work on the Tuesday morning, but was sent home. We were both all over the place. Soon after we set off together to Manchester, and did the interview with the Granada Reports team, which was also a very professional and caring experience. The team there were so kind and considerate to us both. Thank-you!
As we travelled back home at just before 4pm, I started to receive calls, texts and emails, informing me that Barry Bennell had been charged for further offences, from the first Survivor to come forward in this case, who was already in the system well before any Ex-players went to the media.
A media block was then put in place to give this Monster a fair trial. It was introduced with strong instructions, if people did continue to report on Bennell they would be in trouble!
Everything was cancelled! I had waited for over 35 years to speak, I had done one interview that had gone out, and now I had to stop again and be silent!
All this happened just 21 hours after I had gone on TV, on a Network shown all over the World, informing everyone that the police and CPS had been warned by me, that there could be 100’s of Victims, way back in early 2013 and they did nothing.
For 11 days, footballers had poured their hearts out about the horrendous abuse they had suffered on TV and in the National media, without any issues. I speak out and just 21 hours later Bennell is charged!
Why charge now so a media block would go on for what ended up being for around 14 months?
What made this worse, is that I then found out that the CPS already had the complete case file for consideration of charges to be brought for the new victim, for over 2 months!!!
Bennell was already a 3 time convicted offender.
Over two months to charge him?
The prosecution guidance had already been changed too due to my case, and as we now know this brave Survivor suffered horrendous sexual abuse, serious charges. What on earth was the delay? He also had great evidence to support his case. He had gone to police 8 months before Bennell was released for his offences to me.
I had told everyone to open an investigation, and even asked them to inform the press of my Truth to bring others forward, they did nothing, just said it would ruin my case.
The next few days were very difficult. All my anger came back- I was so bitter again, and I found it very hard to concentrate on anything!
Lots of journalists were trying to find a way round the media block but without using names and mentioning future cases etc. My case was done, and already public, so I could speak – but had to be very careful not to ruin the other new cases coming in the future, nothing at all could be in the media or on social media.
I met with lots of media people, all wanting my Truth, but without being able to print at this time, although it was helping me cope being able to talk!
The next issue was while the last few days had been very difficult for me and my family, what many people were unaware of, was that just over 2 weeks after I had disclosed publicly on Sky News, Teresa and myself were due to marry, on December 15th 2016. This had been arranged just 11 months earlier and at the wonderful venue at Salisbury Hall. Plans were ongoing although most of the main planning had been done. It was so difficult to watch Teresa trying to support me in addition to arranging our final wedding plans. Again Teresa asked for none of this, and I am so sorry for the period that this broke being so close to the Wedding, yet she never moaned about that once.
Next, when things couldn’t get much worse, they arranged a new Court date, the day before our wedding, in which it was possible – although very unlikely,that things could change if a guilty plea was made by Bennell at that very early stage. Could the media block be removed just the day before the Wedding? It was a hard few weeks waiting to see if he did plea. In the end he didn’t.
Social media was back on the agenda for me now, so I began to go through the 100’s of messages, as I had been off social media for a few days since my interview. Many of the notifications were private messages too, on facebook – the only site I was on at that time.
To my absolute shock and horror, a total of 13 people in amongst the messages, disclosed to me that they had also been sexually abused as children. 13 as children that were now adults, who have in some way, shape or form shared a small part of my life disclosed to me via social media.
13, unbelievable; I thought I was always alone! I didn’t think I knew anyone else, again that’s because we all kept silent or certainly very private, to just a few family members etc. But this was never the case, the scale of Childhood sexual abuse is huge! These brave people who had told me privately were abused outside of football. I was shocked, if I’m honest, it terrifies me! Every single one of them was sexually abused by someone well known to them also. Family members, babysitters, friends of the family etc. The people least expected!
I had made a decision, with the support of Teresa, to actively raise awareness of CSA after my very public disclosure, and I signed up to twitter to help start this awareness, on a much larger scale than Facebook ever could in my opinion.
Our Wedding was fantastic! Such a special day! My son was my best man, and played a fantastic part and gave a very funny speech for which he will always have to watch his back for! Teresa looked stunning. I was a lucky man, and the surroundings and venue were beautiful, for our Christmas wedding. Close family attended at first, followed by friends later for the evening party. We now have so many special memories. My own speech was very emotional as I thanked everyone, especially Teresa for so much support recently, it was a fantastic day.
The next few weeks saw me start my fundraising campaign for the Manchester Marathon that I had entered. I would fundraise for Renaissance part of Drugline, the Charity which helped me with Counselling for 2 years after my disclosure!
Throughout the whole of 2017, I raised over £3,000 for CSA Counselling services through running 3 Half Marathons, 1 full Marathon, and doing a 24 hour non-stop walk which went horribly wrong!
The main reason however was not just to raise money, but that the events gathered publicity, and as such raised massive awareness about the scale of Childhood Sexual Abuse. At all the events I wore a very public top to help raise awareness of Childhood sexual abuse. In March 2018 I ran another Half Marathon for Save Association, formed by a group of Football Survivors who are trying to give back in so many ways.
The 24 walk non-stop walk that I did, in the Summer of 2017 went horribly wrong in the middle of the night, after around 10 hours of walking in the worst rain that year! By 7am, my blisters on my soaking-wet feet were agony. By 10am, I could walk no more! 8 hours short of my target, and just a few hours after my brother Steve had joined me, to support my walk to raise awareness. Steve joined me again the following Saturday – when I was far from right in doing the last 8 hours! I messed my feet up once again. The walk saw us go from Lytham through to Blackpool, and back up and down the busy Prom in mid-summer! Steve’s act of kindness was and will forever be appreciated. My son had also offered to walk with me for the last 8 hours, on the day I had to stop, which I am also very grateful for. Even though he couldn’t walk the week after due to prior commitments, the offer meant a lot to me. My family has been very supportive throughout. I know this has been hard for them all too and I am very grateful.
The case against Bennell however kept growing, as more and more Survivors came forward, and this case was eventually capped at 12 boys, for the next trial and a total of 55 charges!
The case eventually began in Liverpool Crown Court, on January 8th 2018. This time the Monster put the boys through court, as he did not plead guilty on the day.
Many more boys have come forward since and we wait to see what our wonderful (very sarcastic) CPS will do to get these strong boys – now men their justice. They all deserve justice in Court; that’s why I fought so hard! I also know most of them never will; however, far too many have come forward and disclosed abuse by Bennell, the number is close to another 100
I will always continue to speak out now, whenever and wherever asked to raise awareness, after doing my first public speech in February 2017 at a Voicing CSA Meeting near Manchester.
I did my first public speech (which was very emotional) at a Voicing CSA meeting, and was asked soon after to become an ambassador of Voicing CSA. Phil is a brilliant bloke, very honest and passionate, so I was delighted to be asked! Voicing CSA, like many other voluntary groups, does a fantastic job in helping Survivors take back control and find their strength and voice. I will be forever grateful for being asked by Phil.
So after my runs and walk, what next to raise awareness? A few of us got a group of Survivors together on social media, to raise awareness of CSA through a few twitter trends. But I so wanted to reach a younger audience, and if trending reaches some youngsters it would be brilliant! #CSAsurvivors was great but I wanted it to go much bigger !
I was also honoured to have been asked to speak at some wonderful events in the lead up to the 2018 Bennell trial. Police events and safeguarding events etc. I also spoke to the Voice project, and was invited over to Germany, to the final event and played an active role again. It was a fantastic event and I was honoured to be asked.
What people failed to understand in 2017/18, was that I was reliving it all over again! The lead up to the trial was the strangest feeling – like it was my own trial! It wasn’t until the first day of the trial in Liverpool, that it finally hit home that I would not actually be involved. I know that sounds weird, it does to me too, but this happened due to my case, and I never went through the trial so this felt like my trial.
I had been trying to keep busy in 2017, and it finally hit me how I could raise massive awareness of CSA, through an actual awareness day! How obvious, although you need massive support to progress! I was thinking it needed to involve all forms of Social media, but something that you could support in everyday life too. The idea was born, and with some very early support from some other dedicated Survivors, that had got involved and bought into the idea early on, the Campaign was launched; and it was to be called #purplefriday It would take place on 15/9/17.
It was about raising awareness of CSA but also Child Sexual Exploitation (CSE).
Not about raising awareness of a Charity – but trying to bring everyone together in a free campaign, that both sexes, and all age groups could get involved with, and also to raise awareness on social media and also in everyday life, without promoting a business either or asking people to buy a product.
The idea behind the simple campaign was just to wear any purple item of clothing, or item as bold or as simple as you like. The social media campaign was to use #purplefriday in all tweets or posts, and tweet or share purple photos. To turn social media purple for the day.
I had a deadline of just over 7 weeks to go, from maybe 5 or 6 people being aware, to a global awareness day! The power of Social media proved this was possible. What happened over the next 7 weeks is nothing short of amazing!
Countries all over the World had individuals involved, but in the UK, charities and Survivor groups, as well as social workers, NHS staff, and solicitors were all supporting! It was a brilliant day and #purplefriday also trended for hours on social media! The social media reach alone was massive.
It really was a fantastic day, and brought so many people together!
It was so good in fact, I thought why wait a year to raise awareness again? These serious issues of CSA and CSE were happening on a massive scale, everyday so let’s do this again much sooner. So #purplechristmas 15/12/17 was then born!
I also kept myself busy doing sponsored events, and during these runs, walks, awareness campaigns and speaking events, I tried to continue with my job as a Senior Leisure Manager, for Fylde Coast YMCA – as well as being a husband and dad. It was, and is still very hard actively campaigning while working full time. My life was very difficult, though I was putting a brave face on it all. The media block and waiting for the trial was painful! Unless you have been waiting for your CSA case to go to court, unless you have lived the pain, I don’t believe you will ever understand how slow the clock ticks, and how wrong the system is. At times it’s unbearable.
#purplechristmas however was again a huge success, and this time the Campaign even had two City Councils light up parts of the City. Main Council buildings, in both Stockton on tees and Darlington turned purple!
Thank-you to both of the above Councils for their fantastic support, and to everyone who joined in too, all to raise awareness of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Child Sexual Exploitation.
In 2018 we also held #purplesummer 15/6/18 and #purplechristmas 7/12/18 – both were huge successes. Each campaign took 7/8 weeks hard work for me though, so it certainly was no easy ride.
In 2019, we held two more campaigns, putting the dates out early, to help gain support. #purplewinter the final one this year, took place on December 6th 2019 . The campaigns in 2019 were all about raising awareness of all forms of Child Abuse now.
I do hope everyone who reads this will support the next #purple Campaign and wear, share and shine purple on Friday June 12th 2020, for #purplesummer and ensure they are talking about the subjects of Child Abuse and all its forms with their own children going forward. If you can help influence people to support it would be fantastic.
Childhood Abuse is happening all around the World, on a huge scale. It is often hidden as it’s a subject people do not wish to even think about, let alone discuss, but we need to.
With Childhood Sexual Abuse, the days of a guy with a shady mac on, hiding down a back alley – flashing are well gone. This is happening all around you today, and every day. It’s happening all around the Town or City that you live in today. It’s often a family member, or someone well known to family, in fact around 90% of the time. These are people who get the chance to build loving, caring relationships with Children before they start abusing them, it’s now known as grooming! These people who sexual abuse children are often professional people from all walks of life, and in many cases have positions of trust in the Community that you live. Often, this is the reason they get away with it for so long. So many are direct family members, a horrendous thought I know, but the Truth hurts sometimes!
They can be male or female, of all ages and can appear happily married, or in loving relationships!.Also they can be of any colour or religion, this affects every single Community, Worldwide.
But this is no longer 1980, and we have fantastic information – freely available on the internet to educate both adults and children. Support is available, as are experts in Safeguarding , So please do just that, educate yourself!
After reading this today, if it then gets people to look at the signs and symptoms of what to look for when a child is being abused, it has helped raise awareness. The scale of this is also much bigger than people understand too. Depending on who’s statistics you believe, its somewhere between 2/3 children in every single school class will suffer sexual abuse before they turn 18 years of age.
Sorry to go off on one ! But the World does need to wake up!
During 2017, I was invited to travel to London, to the FA’s Abuse within football inquiry, to give my evidence by Mr Clive Sheldon. I found him to be fair and he listened in difficult circumstances. Time will tell what comes from the inquiry. The truth it now appears is obvious, it certainly appears some professional clubs had other officials or coaches at the Clubs, that were fully aware that abuse was going on and did nothing about it. We await the outcome with interest.
Investigatory journalism continued, with at least one documentary filmed to help get to the truth, which involved 4-5 other Survivors and myself, called, The Wall of Silence, it has since won awards and was a great honour to be asked to be involved with. Deborah and her team were wonderful with Teresa and myself again.
I felt troubled and frustrated, so I felt I had to go back to attending Counselling sessions again in 2017 – funded through the FA. I was angry and reliving everything, yet again, it was certainly a very difficult period for myself and Teresa too. I am grateful to the FA and Sporting Chance for providing the sessions of support, it certainly helped me. Sporting Chance is such a wonderful Charity and has helped so many from the sporting world in so many different ways.
Bennell was surrounded by a media block still, yet I had waited over 35 years to speak and was shut down after just 21 hours in late 2016!
I was so angry and frustrated. The media block was to allow him a fair trial, yet the jury were informed about his past at the very start of the trial, so to me all it did is to keep it out of the media, which was having such a powerful effect on encouraging other Survivors to come forward, especially men at that time. Such a shame it dropped out of the media spotlight for 14 months at such a critical time.
During 2017, I had also heard you could claim compensation from the Criminal Injuries Compensation? I thought I would try after the way I had suffered. A few weeks later I was rejected, yet again!
The reason I failed ultimately, was for being honest! I told them I was unaware that I could claim, and the period I had to claim within had expired. They told me that not knowing was not an excuse, but it was the Truth! How can I apply if I don’t know you can? I had been let down again! Being honest – and certainly not chasing money, was no excuse! Again I appealed, I had to send in all sorts of proof about my situation over the last 4 years, including proving the death of my parents, and proof we were in Tunisia, the length of my case etc and in the end, I received just a very small pay-out. People get more in minor car accidents for whiplash! A whole life of flashbacks, lack of trust, horrendous memories and lots of triggers, for so little on the scale of things! Survivors, I can assure everyone – do not claim through Criminal injuries for huge pay-outs!
I wrote a lot of this Truth in October 2017, while sitting in a cottage on holiday in Whitby with Teresa, relaxing and awaiting for the Court case to start in January 2018 in the City of Liverpool! I then stopped and picked it up again in the Summer of 2019, and finished it in mid-December 2019.
Bennell was convicted in 2018 of 43 charges of Non recent sexual abuse against 12 boys – now men. His sentence was for 31 years, meaning he will serve at least 15 years or so in prison. It is currently possible that this Monster could leave prison one day, as it stands today.
From back in September 2012, when my mum’s devastating news that her cancer had been now diagnosed terminal, to my disclosure to the police on February 4th 2013, through to finally getting Bennell (or AKA Richard Jones) convicted in May 2015, and all the current ongoing situation right up to today, I have had my life taken over by memories, flashbacks and reliving things that you try so hard to forget, but never do.
Almost 7 years have passed now, since I dug a Tunnel in such difficult circumstances, and over such a long period to get Bennell convicted to encourage others to come forward. I spent around two weeks going to Liverpool for the 2018 trial, I found it almost impossible to function at work, so had to take a few weeks off. In all this time though, I only took 4 weeks off work during the 5 years since I disclosed to February 2018, which I am proud of, as I somehow managed to get through, and I believe working helped me do that.
I also attended Liverpool on the day of his sentencing, although I never went in court on any of the days. I never wanted to see his face. This time, I was in control of this, so I stayed clear of court, but just stayed in and around Liverpool Crown Court, talking to other Survivors nearby for some of the time. It helped me being around others who I had only recently met. It was a very strange feeling, but I sort of felt comfortable around other Survivors, most of whom I had never met until that trial, but we sort of bonded and they are very nice people.
The Bennell story may continue to run though, as many more men also came forward in late 2016, and in 2017. It is possible another set of charges for serious offences may be brought against Bennell for a 2020 trial.
If it’s deemed in the public interest to do so, THOSE WORDS AGAIN! I would always say it is, but we shall see what CPS believe now.
While on twitter I made contact with a Survivor of sexual abuse from Taxal Edge, a Children’s home where Bennell used to work. I always believed that was where my own abuse may have taken place by Bennell in April 1980, and after reading reports in the National papers in December 2016, I actually travelled to the Children’s home to view it, as I always believed if I saw it again I would know if it was the location.
I did just that, and believe it or not – on December 31st 2016, as Teresa was working and I was just going to be sat around all day until she got home. While I was there, the site was under development, and no longer a Children’s home and although it rang a few bells I could not be certain, so I took a couple of quick photos of one view, and got back in my car and left and came home.
However, while talking to this brave man we exchanged some photos of the premises of the home, and he then sent me a photo that shook me to the core, while I was sitting in my front room at home.
The photo is of the staff flats at Taxal Edge, and I am now finally, after 38 years absolutely certain it is the location of my abuse. I saw the photo on January 23rd 2018, for the first time. It was a very strange feeling but one I know will help with closure when all this is done.
My truth though is not over. While I stood outside of Liverpool Crown Court, on the day of Bennells sentencing in 2018, a journalist told me that when I came forward in 2013, other Survivor’s not used from the 1998 case, could have been brought forward and used alongside my case, that were not used in the 1998 case, and that if that had happened, my case would never have been dropped in the first place. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, was it true?
I was supposed to be having a drink with the brave Survivors after their trial had finished, a case that my conviction had started and yet again, I was angry and upset. When I arrived home, I emailed the police to start a possible complaint. I asked about several concerns, mainly though was it true, could others have been used to strengthen my case in 2013, before it was dropped ?
In March of 2018, the Senior Investigating Officer (SIO) from the last Bennell case, came to see me at my house. We had exchanged a few emails prior, and she explained that she had been asked to look into my concerns. During the conversation she informed me that all the 23 Survivors that reported allegations in 1997, were used in some way with that case. 23? I had no idea it was 23! I thought it was 6.
Although a plea deal had been put to Bennell in 1998, and he made the deal – which meant he would plead guilty to around half of the 45 Offences, and again on the day the case was supposed to start, Bennell gave a plea of guilty, was sentenced to 9 years in prison, to which in the end he served just 6 inside a prison cell. The other charges were left to lay on file, which basically means that they can’t be used again in future cases. Again, another amazing fact that I was learning about and again found astounding. So even though they were on file when I came forward in 2013, they can’t be looked at again. Crazy!
Then the bombshell……. the Officer then very calmly just added, however this did not include the prison list of additional names provided by Bennell after he had been sentenced! What list? I immediately asked, and was told straight away, well it’s in the public domain. I stated I didn’t think it was, I have learnt so much over the last 6 years or so, and I have never heard about this list.
So now you have told me, can you please tell me why these people were not contacted in 2013? She went on to inform me that, just one month after Bennell was convicted in 1998, at Bennell’s own request, Bennell asked to see police. Bennell asked for assurances before the interview started, that if he gave additional names of boys he admitted sexually abusing, he would not face further charges. These assurances were then given!
Bennell then gave police 9 further names that were not part of the 1998 case, and the police did absolutely nothing with them. This is a monster, who at that stage had 23 Survivors come forward in the UK, and had also been prosecuted in America. Bennell then named nine more victims and the police did nothing. I was obviously wanting to ask questions, so I did.
Why were they not contacted when I came forward in February 2013?
Why did police not help build a case around mine?
Why did they not help these boys disclose in 2013, by contacting them ?
Did the boys know they were even on a list?
Did they know a multi-offending paedophile had informed Police that he had admitted to sexually abusing them 20 years earlier?
I just could not believe my ears. So again, I asked why were they not contacted in 2013? The answer was brief and repeated about five more times, before she left my house. It would have been seen as a fishing trip, as trawling, going looking for victims? How could this be the case, I went over and over, how? Bennell had named them, he told you their names. These boys had never had justice. She then went one better, she informed me that the boys they could find, were then contacted in late 2016, and early 2017 and some had taken the opportunity to disclose.
So it was OK to contact them 3 years later, but not with my case? She explained that this was because the case in 2016/2018 was growing out of control in late 2016- early 2017, and she was sure the media would find out about the list, so they contacted the boys, or the ones they could trace.
To this day and for the rest of my life, I will never forgive Cheshire police for this. I went through two and a quarter years of hell – getting Bennell convicted, it involved going through my case being dropped and having to appeal, and everything else I went through. Remember, I had told police and CPS there would be hundreds of Survivors in 2013, I asked them all to let me go to the media. Nobody did anything and now I know they had a list with 9 other Survivors names on it, provided by Bennell himself, 20 years earlier. They knew others!
We went round and round, over and over the same thing while she was still at my house. She added nothing to this, other than it would be seen as trawling. After a while we agreed to disagree, and she told me her findings would be put in writing; and I thought I should wait to see what she puts before I complain anymore. Then as She went to leave my house, she told me – Anyway, I should be very proud of myself because of what myself and the other lads had done, if a child was sexually abused by their football/sports coach in the future, she felt they would go home and tell their parents.
Absolutely clueless, in my opinion, no idea of how hard it is to disclose!
The power and influence, as well as possible fear, embarrassment and control the coach (or any person in a position of trust), or loved by the child, has over that child – it could take years, if ever, before many Children would ever disclose. We live in hope that in the future, services and systems will be massively improved to help disclosure, as well as all levels of professional support however, I can honestly see people who have been sexually abused as a child still disclosing in adulthood, and some never disclosing in 50 years’ time, such is the shame and embarrassment, along with many other issues to deal with including threats and fear, I only hope I am wrong.
I immediately complained again about her explanation of it being seen as Trawling, and this complaint overlapped with her reply, which stated what she had already told me – that it would have been seen as trawling, and that was that, in her eyes anyway.
The next eight months running, from March 2018 to November 2018, were just a series of complaints and replies, going back and forth – first with Cheshire police, and then with Cheshire police professional standards department. All of which has driven me to lose the plot on three or four occasions. How you are expected to function as an individual during all this, as well as work and have a family life is beyond me; well actually I think that’s the point, I am sure they aim to wear you down and you give up. No chance of that happening with me, I was so angry and upset. The amount of accounts that have changed during this eight month period is incredible. I have had apologies but then accounts changed. I have been left 100% convinced they are hiding the truth.
I was so upset that I contacted the police crime commissioner for Cheshire, and he very kindly offered to see me. I explained everything I had been through with my case, then everything that had happened recently. Both he and his colleague were supportive and kind, and even at this early stage, said they would help me and run an independent review of my case, but only when everything was over with the complaints that were ongoing. So in late 2018, I contacted the office and gave them the full overview of my version of events. As of December 2019, I am still awaiting for the review of my case to commence – looking at how my case was handled by police and police professional standards, as we are waiting to see if further criminal charges will be put to Barry Bennell. We will have to wait and see whether it is seen (once again) as In the public Interest! Either way, when any new case is concluded, I have been promised my case and its handling will be independently looked at.
Whatever happens in the future, I know that in February 2013, when I walked into Macclesfield police station, I told them he would have abused 100’s. I now know the police knew the scale of all this, so why did they do nothing to look further? Why did CPS really drop my case when it ticked every single box in favour of public interest? What was everyone scared of? Did they not want to open this can of worms again? Why?
I am happy to speak about what happened, my twitter account is @DavidLeanLeano if you feel you wish to contact me.
Moving forward , I am now half way through my Level 3 Counselling Course, and in around 2.5 years I hope to give back and help to support people to move forward with their own life, as others have done for myself, which I am extremely grateful for.
I have been working in my new job with AFC Fylde Community Foundation, for around the last 13 months, after I was made redundant from the YMCA – after dedicating over 35 years of my life too, which sees me now help and support many adults with barriers to move forward with their own life , looking for jobs, or re training or getting back into education, which is a great help in what I hope to do in the future, lots of these people just need some support.
Finally, I will be running the London Marathon 2020 Sunday 4th October, for the Sporting Chance Clinic, who have helped so many, including myself.
My fundraising page is my pinned tweet on twitter @DavidLeanLeano Please help me raise both money and awareness of this brilliant Charity, who have helped so many get their lives back on track. I hope to raise massive awareness of Childhood Sexual Abuse while running too. You are not alone, be brave and come forward if you can. Let’s try and help stop this happening to others !
I would like to thank Jason Holyhead for his support, dedication, time and effort in helping me put this Truth together, all free of charge!
Thank you to Teresa, for absolutely everything since day one. I love you so much!
My family and friends for all your love & support, I couldn’t have done it without you !
All the Brave Survivors of abuse, we are stronger Together!
Finally to my Mum, Dad and Step Dad Norman, who I have lost during my fight, I love and miss you all every day. Dad your evidence has now helped so many, and Mum, I kept my secret promise!
My Dad, Martin
Mum, and Step Dad, Norman
“IT WAS ALWAYS IN THE PUBLIC INTEREST, NOW I’VE PROVED IT”
Thankyou to everyone who is about to take the time to read My Truth. Barry Bennell is the biggest paedophile in British Sport, and this story needs to be told. It’s a very frank, detailed and honest account of what happened and my feelings throughout. I would never wish to trigger or upset anyone in any way, so please take good self care while reading and afterwards. The feeling of knowing this monster may have sexually abused a hundred more boys after myself, is something I have to live with every day. I hope you find it interesting. Please share it and use it to educate others!
Regards
David
I first I heard of David’s story while I was researching another CSA article I as writing. When I contacted David I was amazed at his strength and courage, but also by his generosity and his willingness to share his story, despite the pain and suffering it undoubtedly caused him to live through it all again. He is relentless in his quest to inform, help and protect others, working tirelessly on projects such as his purple events. It is an absolute honour to be given the opportunity to work with David in bringing you his story.
Jason Holyhead.
The Power and influence of a Junior Football Coach
My Truth
How the Abuse within Football Scandal started!
My Truth
How the Abuse within Football Scandal started!
It was Always in the Public Interest!
My earliest memories are always of me playing football and I’m told that from being a very young boy I was a good little player. I was very lucky having 2 very active older brothers who would chase me around and play all sorts of different sports with me since I could walk. I was born on August 30th 1967, so maybe even from then !
My older brothers took (or were given) the nickname Leano, so from as young as I can remember I was known by many as Little Leano, then just Leano as I grew up, then somehow around 16 years of age, lots of lads on the football field started calling me Leany. No matter what I was known as growing up in Lytham St.Annes in the ‘70s and ‘80s, we were a well-known family in the area, probably because all of us lads were sporting, plus there were 4 of us, and my parents had been living in Lytham St.Annes since before they got married.
I had always played football and for as long as I can remember it was all I had ever wanted to be!
A professional footballer! I used to dream about singing the National Anthem stood on Wembley, getting ready to play in a big Final or for England or both. It was my biggest wish, probably still is, although I am a little old now!
At Primary school I was improving daily and quickly established my place in the top local junior team and also in my school team, Sydney Street – as it was known.
I looked forward to every single training session and every match, like it was my first!
I loved football and everything about it. It gave me a feeling nothing else did, it’s hard to explain but I loved it.
Along with many others in those days, I used to pretend I was a Top football star, and copy their every move, while providing my own commentary. “Lean goes past one, past two, shoots and scores ! What a great goal by the youngster!”
In those days the only thing that came close to dragging me away from friends and the football pitch was my annual family holiday!
I loved my family holiday.
Family holidays to Butlins came around once a year, every year and I have so many wonderful memories of these holidays.
In May 1979 we were packed and ready to head off for our family break at the Butlin’s holiday camp in North Wales. My family consisted of my mum and dad (Margaret and Martin), along with myself and three brothers, two which were older than me, Steve and Graham and then my younger brother Ric or Richard. I was just 11 at the time we set off to Butlin’s and coming to the end of my first year at Lytham St.Annes High School.
On this trip to Butlins though my eldest brother Stephen didn’t come as he had probably moved on to greater things with lad’s holidays, as he was now around 18 years of age. I used to love hearing his stories when he returned from his holidays abroad.
So my parents, Graham (No 2 son), myself and Richard [youngest] crammed into the car for our self-catering break. The car was rammed and we sat with our feet up and on top of the boxes of food and drinks that were to help keep a family of five going for 7 days away self-catering holiday at Butlin’s in a small town called Pwllheli. The car roof rack was also on top for its annual visit to our car for holidays only!
My family life growing up was brilliant. We were so loved and such a close family.
At that stage, all I knew was that my Dad went to work all day working with fridges, and Mum worked part time, in shops or with disabled adults needing support, but she also did all the cooking and cleaning after us 5 guys, so she was very busy all of the time.
Things were very different in 1979. When I was not at school we were out on the park playing football or another type of sport, or I was at my local YMCA playing table tennis/badminton more football or the like…
I was so excited as I loved being away, as any boy did but also I would have a chance to play football all week under the influence of a different football coach and try and win a trophy for the “Boy of The Week”
Butlin’s made a huge thing of this at the time, it was sponsored by the Daily Express. Professional footballers used to visit the camps for a day and help run a session too. Butlins sold holidays on this alone , I have no doubt.
My claim to fame at this stage of my life was that my primary school teacher had said to my parents at parents evening that, My effort and behaviour were great BUT… unfortunately my brains were in my feet!!
When I was told later that same evening as I was sat down by my parents I was buzzing ! What better compliment? My parents however thought a little differently about the comment, although secretly I think my dad also loved it!
My mum however……. but never mind, I thought it was great!
I was always a good kid though, well raised and always kept out of trouble and tried my best in class. I think I was just naturally thick !
My dad always used to say it was because I was the youngest in the year, maybe true; thanks Dad !
I was already having a tremendous holiday, on the fairground, roller skating, shows and the cinema all playing a part, when the first football session came around and I arrived early with my dad to watch my younger brother Ric in his session which was directly before mine.
I was a talented footballer having already represented my Blackpool Town Team, I had also represented my school, as well as a top local club – the YMCA and had also attracted interest from Blackpool Football Club at just 11 years old. This seems old now – being 11, as kids are picked up now and watched by clubs from around 5 years old! But in 1979, to be attracting a football club’s interest at 11 years of age was a big thing! Blackpool had selected local top players and we trained one night a week even back then, it was a great achievement as no other boys from my YMCA team at the time had been chosen for the sessions.
Within seconds of arriving at the huge field at Butlin’s I came across this very passionate, enthusiastic and energetic coach who was buzzing around showing off the most amazing skill set of tricks with a ball I had ever seen. He could flick the ball over his head , do keep ups on his shoulders etc, and did this amazing skill which he called the magnificent seven, which involved taking the ball around his body touching 7 different body parts, including both shoulders! He looked the part, had the latest football kits on and was physically fit in stature. A real man’s man! With a great tan too! I had to double take as I thought it was Kevin Keegan at first.
I couldn’t wait for my sessions to start!!
The little ones session ended soon after and it was time for my session to start which was for 10-14 year olds, so by now some bigger boys had arrived. However it was clear within maybe just 15 minutes that the coach had taken a real shine to me, and by the end of just the 2nd session he was telling me and my dad about a junior team that he ran, that had links directly to a top professional club, and that he wanted me to go and play for them and that I was a future star.
I was so happy, in fact I was buzzing!!
The coach’s name was Barry Bennell.
But just Barry to me!
The sessions were fantastic and he joined in so much to show his skills. I loved every second of them. During the last few days of my holiday he praised me more and more and even gave me a new football shirt. Presents like this for me were only given at Christmas or birthdays, so I was absolutely buzzing.
I was however surrounded by older and bigger, and if I’m honest, better boys so I did not win the Boy of the week award at Butlins, which gave you a chance to compete for the Boy of the Year. However, I had gone one better; I was told that I was a future star, and was being asked to play for a junior team with links to a professional club, Manchester City and the coach Barry, even took my home address to contact me to play for his team!
From the moment I arrived home I started to practice my skills, and do everything I had been asked to work on over the Summer to improve my game, but more importantly before we left Butlins I had managed to pester my parents enough to persuade them to take us back the first week in September that same year, two holidays in one year, unknown !!
I had now become obsessed with Barry if I’m honest, but I was not alone in my feelings, my dad was too.
My dad knew he had the links and if I’m honest, it was both of our dreams to see me playing professionally, not just mine. My dad was never a pushy parent though, I would never want to give that impression, but he wanted my dream just as much as I did.
This football coach had worked his charm (now better known as grooming) all over my dad along with myself, and as any good parent, my dad just wanted what was best for his son.
I received my first letter from Barry shortly after returning home, and then we wrote to each other all summer, backwards and forwards, at least twice each every month. My letters were addressed at that stage to Barry Bennell, football coach, and sent to Butlins Holiday Camp in North Wales, directly.
I couldn’t wait to get back to Butlin’s Holiday camp and train again. My skills had improved over the Summer, I worked very hard and I was ready to impress Barry, it was all I wanted to do.
Car packed, roof rack on, feet up on food and drinks again, and off we went. Just the 5 of us, Steve again stayed at home. I think he liked having the house to himself too!
I was so excited.
The first week in September 1979 and we were off on our 2nd holiday of the year!! That just never happened!
I had just turned 12 years old, days earlier and was ready to excel in doing what I loved for Barry.
He was very excited to see me, and if it’s possible lavished me with even more praise, gave me another football top, used me for all the drills demonstrations and made me feel so special in front of the other boys.
All week this continued and I knew I was going to win Boy of the week, as not as many older boys were attending the sessions this time and I had improved too.
On the Friday morning straight after the final session he told me that I had won Boy of the week privately, which meant, I had won a Huge trophy, my photograph with Barry in the paper (my first ever). I had also won a free weeks holiday to try and win the boy of the year again at Butlins and best of all, my hero had just voted me Boy of the week. The Manchester City dream was very much alive too!!
When I came back home, Barry kept in touch with me, asking for me to travel to his home and to play for his feeder junior football team. He had the links to a top club that could make my dreams come true.
For one reason or another though, the trip never happened – with me playing school football, an honour and almost compulsory in 1979/80, and for my Junior side YMCA all season, as well as for Blackpool school boys and a Blackpool representative team – it just never happened, until sometime early in 1980 he wrote suggesting I could attend a full day soccer skills course in Macclesfield in the Easter school holidays in April that year.
By this stage he had been writing to me since I first met him in May the previous year.
Everything was always done professionally by him. Letters were polite and always showed a huge interest in my football, and asking me if I was training hard and working on my skills. Always signed with, Yours in Sport, NOT, yours faithfully, or yours sincerely, I loved the way he did this. Nobody signed letters off like this, except Barry.
This was brilliant and everything I wanted, I couldn’t wait for the course.
A few days before, he even phoned my house to confirm everything with my dad, who had got to know him fairly well after spending 2 weeks now talking to him at every opportunity, while he stood watching me train.
He spoke to my dad and confirmed arrangements and directions. This was 1980, no computers or mobile phones, no AA route finder! Due to the distance and the course being run for a full day and his property being around 90 minutes’ drive away, it made sense to travel up after my dad finished work Thursday tea time, and collect me Saturday morning in his own leisure time, as the course was a full day and started early on the Friday morning. Barry advised my dad to not rush and get me after work on a busy Friday evening, as he would have done that on the Thursday evening when dropping me off, so it was the sensible thing to do, get there the night before and collect me on the Saturday morning.
So the day came and I was so excited I couldn’t get there quick enough. I didn’t sleep much the night before.
Two nights at my hero’s house!
Two nights away from home!!
I loved learning soccer skills and the thought of attending a brilliant course!!
None of my friends had ever attended this course. Nobody even ran full day football courses around Blackpool in 1980.
Barry could start the process to make my dream of being a professional footballer come true!
My parents thought the world of him too, he had been the football coach at Butlins, so my parents had the utmost respect and trust for him!
All my Christmases had come at once!
Except I was the present, gift wrapped and delivered!
We arrived around mid-evening, I think. A few words were exchanged between Barry and my dad, then I was shown into the property and directed up some stairs to the first floor.
Barry’s 11 months of hard work, handwritten letters (2 or 3 a month), building a relationship with my dad and myself, the City dream being dangled, had finally paid off! He had a physically fit, young and promising footballer, all alone for two nights at his property, alongside this, whose parents had full trust and respect for him and he just knew it.
The property, which I now believe to have been a first floor staff flat, at Taxal Edge Children’s home, consisted of a kitchen/dining room, a front room or lounge with a bed behind the door?
There was another proper bedroom, and a bathroom.
Within seconds of me arriving though, it became sort of strange – he never seemed to leave me alone, he spent hours that evening, giving me his full attention never leaving me alone for more than a few seconds. Always touching me in some way or other.
As I have previously mentioned during interviews, I have two older brothers so it was the sort of stuff I would do with them, play fighting, wrestling, pinning me down and tickling me etc. He also played a fun whip game with wrapped up tea towels, sort of flicking each other on the bum etc while we were washing and tidying up.
After we had eaten, we sort of cuddled up watching TV for what seemed a few hours, while we talked. Everything was close attention; he even on 3-4 occasions when pinning me down rubbed his facial bristle on my cheeks, which was sort of weird, I had never had this done to me by my brothers. And all the time he was telling me what a good player I was and talking about the course and his links to Manchester City, and that I had great potential.
I told the police it felt like he was obsessed with me.
Everything was brilliant though, and I was having a great time, until I came back from the bathroom after going to get my PJs on as it was now bedtime. It was already very late for me.
I jumped into my bed for the first of two nights, which was in the lounge behind the door. He was still sat on the couch in the same room, and remained there for a few minutes chatting, and then he left the room. The big light (I’m from the North of England) was on, as was the TV. Just a few minutes later he bounded into the room turning the light off as he entered, and literally jumped into my bed!
At first he just laid there on his side, talking to me, which went on for some time. I was tired now, this was a very late night for me already. After a while he began this tickling game which involved him tickling the underside to my forearm to the inner side of my elbow, he couldn’t go beyond as my P.J. top sleeve would roll no further up my arm. This again went on for a while, till he asked me to remove my top. He also had no top on from entering the bed, just some bottoms. The tickling game progressed very slowly indeed covering all aspects of the top half of my body around my nipples, neck, and waist as well as all over my back, as after a while he asked me to turn over. He also started asking me to close my eyes while he drew numbers and words on my body with his finger on both front and back, and I had to guess what they were etc. Again, this went on for some time. This then progressed, as I was instructed to do the same to him.
After doing this over and over for some time, we then progressed by him then telling me to mirror his tickling to follow him with my hand on him. So following where his hand went on my body I had to do the same to his body. This straight away started low down in the stomach area with us tickling each other around the belly button.
Again this progressed slowly, eventually to below our P.J.s trousers, slowly at first then returning back above my bottoms, then ultimately going below again and staying below playing with each other. I kept pulling away over and over but he would start the process again, slowly and eventually we would end up below trousers again.
He would be reassuring me it was OK, eventually staying in this area for what seemed a very long time, I was asked to copy/mirror him all the time, eventually carrying out mutual masturbation.
I eventually after moving my hand away for the 5th/6th/7th time, got the reaction I was after, it stopped, although I never said a word. He began just ticking my torso and almost whispering in my ear, again for some time and this is the last I remember as I fell asleep.
This still haunts me to this day. Did anything else happen after? Did he continue to play with me, did he do or try anything else? I will never know! It’s one of the hardest things I have had to try and deal with over the years, I just hope nothing did! How and why did I have to fall asleep?
I woke sometime in the night, and he was in the bed asleep, then in the morning I awoke to find myself alone in bed and minutes later he came buzzing into the room, acting his normal, enthusiastic, happy self. Everything was back to normal. Well it was for him!
But I was lost, scared and unsure of what the next 24 hours had in store for me. I was 90 minutes in a car away from home, no phone, and no social media back then, and all alone!
Soon after breakfast we set off to the football course at Macclesfield College, which both my now abuser and another coach led. I was back doing what I loved, and if I’m honest, forgot what had happened the night before and as the day went on, the praise towards myself from him and his football coach friend, Tony grew.
Tony knew I stayed at Barry’s house, as he made comment on our arrival as Barry and I had all arrived early to set up.
Tony had arrived to prepare and they both seemed close and good friends, but between them they made my worries all go away to the extent I was happy to be around him again.
Even after I had finished the skills course, and we got some food, I felt great. The course had gone well and I felt fine. Barry was telling me how much I had improved and how well I had done, and that I should have no problem getting into his team and when could I make the trip over again? I was still good enough to play for his team, the City dream was still very much alive.
It was only after we had arrived back at his flat and the door closed that I began to start to worry again!
It suddenly dawned on me that I had another night there, and was alone again. This feeling has never left me if I’m honest.
How a child deals with that feeling, knowing they are about to be abused, knowing it’s coming and can feel they can do nothing about it, is such an upsetting feeling for me now.
Is it any wonder the effects on children’s mental health follows them for the rest of their life after a prolonged or any period of sexual abuse.
The evening followed a very similar pattern to the night before, except there was massage involved on the second night, to my thighs, calves and feet, just him to me at first then me to him, then both together as we sat facing each other on the couch, our backs against the two couch arms. He was praising me the whole time, and being so friendly I felt so loved by him. I believed everything he said about me being a star of the future!
This time after I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed, I was frightened – no it was far worse than that, I was terrified, and for whatever reason I just knew it was about to happen again, so it took me a long time to even leave the bathroom. I just hoped I was wrong. He had been so nice all day, surely it wasn’t going to happen again – I tried to convince myself. I left the bathroom.
On leaving the bathroom I entered the front room/bedroom to find the big light already out and just the light from the TV lighting up the room. As I went behind the door to get into bed, Barry was already in it!
I was asked to remove my top and get into bed.
Other than being on opposite sides of the bed to each other this time, the abuse developed much quicker this time, he seemed very keen to speed the process up, we progressed through the tickling and games, and although I rejected his advances in my body actions, by turning away on numerous occasions, when I turned the opposite way, I could feel him hard and pressing against my bottom, over the top of my P.J. bottoms. Eventually, after some time, it ended up with us tickling and playing with each other again, which led to mutual masturbation for a second evening, again for a prolonged period of time. I kept stopping and again it started. This happened on many occasions, it stopped then just started yet again, then when I finally turned away he continued on himself pressing against my behind on occasions as he pleasured himself. I could feel the movement and the sound, again something that has never left me.
The following morning, I awoke and had breakfast and then basically felt that I spent (what seemed like) hours, stood at the window, looking out ,praying for my dad to arrive any time soon! Barry again was acting completely like his normal self, never mentioning the night before, but he was spending a lot of time going over how he could help me get on the football ladder and praising me, reminding me about his City feeder team.
Finally, Dad arrived in the small car park which was down a short way away from the property. I had never been so pleased to see someone in my life and I grabbed my bag, basically said bye and ran out to meet my dad, before he could get out of his car fully and walk up the path. I wanted to go home not go back inside, so although my dad wanted to speak to Barry, I think they managed a brief wave to each other and we were off. I was safe!
Later, when interviewed by the police in 2013, my dad stated that when he collected me from the house, as we were driving off , he had said he had asked me if I was OK and if I had enjoyed myself?
I don’t remember saying these words to my dad even to this day, but I am told I said “Barry tried to get into bed with me dad, but I wouldn’t let him dad !! So he slept on the floor!”
It was my cry for help probably, I have been told since by a Counsellor, which went unheard. My dad told police that after it first came out about Bennell in 1997, he had wanted to ask me about my comments from April 1980 but was scared of hearing the answer. My dad had wondered for years had I been abused? He just never knew and he never asked, how could he? I wish he had. But I never, ever blamed my parents.
But I was safe now with my dad in the car. I would be home soon, then rip up Barry’s letters to me and never write back again. He had never been to my house before and I lived 90 minutes away in a car. I would never see him again. I was safe!
When we got home I ran upstairs and got all my letters, ran out the back of my house, down the alley and ripped them up, then went into my local YMCA, just 100 yards further up the alley and threw them all in the bin. I kept my trophies, my photograph and certificates, as I was so proud of these, but the letters; as he was no longer my hero, they had to go and there would be no more writing!! Who needed letters?
I was lost, alone and very confused. My Grandad had recently died too (my mums dad), several days earlier I think, and my mum was a bit of a mess. Maybe this is why my changed behaviour was not noticed at home. My mum was grieving badly at the loss of her dad, while my dad was trying to be supportive towards her.
I spent a lot of time alone over the next few months, upstairs in my bedroom.
I started having some strange thoughts during this period too, was I now gay? I wasn’t even sure what being gay was, but I knew it was two men kissing at that stage, so I must be gay right? But we hadn’t actually kissed. What had we actually done?
I had no idea what a sex offender or paedophile was. I didn’t understand what had happened to me, I had never heard of sexual abuse. I was 12 back in 1980, but probably only as educated and street-wise now, with the internet and social media etc, as an average 8 year old is, in relation to anything around abuse, basically completely naïve, I was lost and alone!
I had never played with myself before.In fact, before I stayed at his house, I think the only time I had ever touched myself, was to clean it in the bath, yet now I was spending time exploring my own body at just 12 years old. I was going upstairs most evenings to be alone to masturbate. This only made me think though that I must have also enjoyed my abuse too, did I ? I was doing it to myself now! It felt nice, so I must have enjoyed it right?
Just a few weeks after I arrived back home from his flat, I came home from school one day to find my mum sat in the front room of the house, the best room, the room which was just for when we had guests. I expected to find a relative in the room with her, or one of mums friends. As I walked in the house my mum said, “is that you David?” In a very excited tone, “come and see who is here to see you!”
Excited, I bounded into the room to find my now abuser sat on the couch to my right, directly in front of the window, and yet sat with an attractive looking lady of similar age. This confused me even more. He was gay right? So why was he with a lady? I didn’t understand gay, I just knew it was that men liked men, wasn’t it? But after what had happened and what I had done, I was now gay, wasn’t I?
After entering the room, I sat on the floor by my mum, very unlike me, and never left her side. We spoke for 10-15 minutes about me and football, then the words came from my mum that would horrify me for many, many years.
Mum said “why don’t you take Barry upstairs and show him all your trophies and medals.” Oh my god, no way out of this… But why wouldn’t my mum suggest this? It was a very normal thing to say, I was and am still to this day, very proud of my collection, and she knew it would normally make me very happy. I was just 12 years of age after all. In fact, normally I didn’t need mum, or anyone else for that matter to ask for me, visitors were normally dragged upstairs by me on their arrival.
The plan which came to me very quickly, was to get upstairs, show them to him, and get back down as fast as possible! A great plan, well I thought so.
My plan was all going fine, until I went to leave my bedroom and head back downstairs. He stood in the doorway of my room and in, not an aggressive manner just looked at me and said…
“Don’t worry I won’t tell your mum what you did to me.”
I sort of brushed past him as I shot back downstairs as fast as I could, to get back with my mum.
All the time thinking, What had he just said…….?
What I did to him?
Would I now get into trouble?
What did I do?
It was his fault right?
He made me, didn’t he?
I didn’t have any choice did I?
Who would believe me?
He was a respected coach? He worked for Butlins!
My parents thought the world of him!
He was a coach for a professional football club!
Was it my fault ?
Please don’t tell my mum, I thought, as I re-entered the room and sat back on the floor next to my Mum.
Just minutes after we got back downstairs they both left.
His excuse for coming was to drop off my badge and certificate from the Skills Award course, which I had passed. My Silver Coca Cola silver skills award, a course endorsed by the FA – which he told me at his house he would post to me.
So why come to my house? To ensure I was OK?
To help ensure I stayed silent?
To show me he could find me anytime he wanted?
To show me that my parents thought the World of him?
Maybe he was worried, as he did not have the same control over me week to week, as it turns out he had with almost all the other Survivors as I later found out.
But I didn’t need to impress him anymore to stay in any team, I had never actually played for his team, and I was already at Blackpool FC.
I didn’t need him anymore, although he was my hero until I stayed with him. I thought the absolute world of him, he was cool, so good at football skills, gave me so much praise and confidence, I was so confused.
As my mum came back inside the house, after she had seen them both out, and while I was stood near to the bottom of the stairs, she asked me was I ok?
I didn’t seem happy to see Barry? Did anything happen at his house when I stayed? I said no mum, and ran upstairs, quickly.
Days became weeks, weeks became months, and each day seemed to get a little easier, but it was months before I was easy about coming in from school again. The first few months were terrifying, I had honestly convinced myself he would come back!
He did write again, very soon after he visited my house. I ignored his letter, ripped it up, and again put it in the bin at the YMCA.
I hoped I would never see him again, although it took a long time before I believed this fully, many months in fact.
These few months were very difficult for me and trust me when i say you never forget that feeling of worry as a child. Or as an adult!
I continued to spend time alone in my room when I wasn’t playing football or at school etc..
As time went by, life seemed to continue, with the exception of my mixed emotions and my lack of trust in many people; well basically men, as well as feeling unsure about who I was.
I spent several years hanging around with younger boys, some 2 or 3 years younger than me,as my own school friends and I started approaching 13 then 14 years of age, as boys my age were starting to get girlfriends, and if I’m honest, I felt a little lost. I had all the feelings and was attracted to girls, but was embarrassed and had no one to talk too and wondered still, as I had got aroused myself during my abuse and by what happened that must mean I was gay, right? I must have enjoyed it, right? Did I enjoy it? I started doing it to myself on my return home so I must have enjoyed it?
It was a difficult period for me, having to deal with it alone.
As time went by, I stored it away in the back of my head. I still had trust issues, but tried to move on. I still had all the nightmares and flashbacks, but started to live a sort of normal life, or what was now normal to me.
I kept reliving it over and over in my head, every single day, many times each day! I wanted to tell someone, but how? Who? Nobody would believe me, would they?
I was sexually abused twice over two evenings, yet this has without doubt had a massive impact on my whole life. I can only try and imagine what the effects of long term sexual abuse are on a Child’s mental health.
As I grew older, I would have more good days than bad, but I did have bad! It is difficult to stop thinking about things when so many things remind you of him. Just the words Manchester City or Macclesfield, or watching someone practising football Skills and tricks with a ball, especially on their shoulders, or even me practising this, always reminded me of him, or just the mention of American Soccer teams, as he had given me one of their shirts while I was on holiday at Butlins. Everything takes you back, makes you think. It is now over 40 years ago, yet I can still take myself back to the room.
As I became an adult, certain aspects of foreplay and tickling with my girlfriends, as well as conversations around Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) were always very difficult.
I attended a Childcare Course with work in my early 20’s, which had a subject area covering Sexual Abuse. I found this incredibly difficult for me, but I had to cope alone. The rest of the class had no idea how hard that session was for me to sit through.
Also, teaching children how to play football, something I did for over 30 years after I left school (in fact I’ve done a little in my new job too), always reminded me of him, although people until I disclosed, had no idea of the bad memories it brings back to me, and always has to this day. It has had a huge impact on my life and continues to do so.
Although I have loved every second of coaching children how to play football, to let them enjoy and progress in the game we all love, I have however had many occasions when I have had flashbacks/triggers while actually coaching!
It probably doesn’t help that I always tried to coach the way he coached me. Buzzing around showing loads of passion and enthusiasm, I even do keep ups on my shoulders that he taught me! To this day, I am very good at them. I just want children to enjoy the game we all love and be safe. I did my best to make this happen. To have the good side without the bad!
I did eventually go on to spend three seasons at Preston North End and captained the Youth and A team, as well as the Reserves on occasion and ended up playing over 50 games in the reserves during this period. In those days most of the games were played on the actual first team pitch, so I have played on around 30 professional football pitches, many of which sadly are no longer around, as modern stadiums have replaced them.
These are still to this day, three of the best years of my life. I loved every single minute of almost achieving my dream. Which was always to play first team football.
A fan letter (the only one I ever received), from a lady when I played away at Notts County (then in the football league) is still my most precious item. Signing autographs and feeling like a professional footballer was the best feeling in the World.
Previously, I had spent my last 2 years while at school with Burnley FC, but just weeks before I left school they informed dad and myself that I wasn’t going to get the 2 year YTS they had verbally already offered me. I was heartbroken. I had managed to even get a game for their reserves before I left school too, at just 15 years of age.
I left school at the end of May 1983, and started work at Fylde Coast YMCA on July 4th 1983. To this day, that’s the only period of my life when I have not been on a payroll, working, around 6 weeks in total, I am very proud of this, almost 37 years of non-stop employment working within the local Community, where I was born and raised.
The YMCA was the place I had spent most of my life growing up, and where I certainly had strong connections. At this time my brother Graham was already working there too. I would teach children sports, run holiday clubs, run youth groups, organise and run discos, work in the café and on reception; what a brilliant job, and I loved every second of it. All my friends used the facilities too.
Around the middle of September, I was spotted playing for a men’s Saturday team by a Preston North End scout, I had just turned 16 and was taken in for trials and then joined them from the end of October 1983.
I also still worked at the YMCA most evenings from 3pm-7pm, as well one day during the week and also some hours at the Weekend on a Saturday evening. I also worked at the YMCA full time for the 2 months Summer break from football too. Things were very different back then.
The dream never went any further though after Preston. Although I spent time in non-league, I played mainly at a comfortable level for me, in the West Lancashire League after that for several different teams, as my work at the YMCA was difficult to manage around Saturday football, as the travel time was difficult, so I generally played my football across the North West of England only. Maybe I should have hung around at North End for another year, as they had offered me guaranteed Reserve team football again for another season on non-contract forms in ‘86/’87, but I walked away as I needed to dedicate myself to the YMCA and my career.
After 3 seasons, my time at North End was done.
I continued to work at the YMCA from July 4th 1983 until the end of November 2018, serving the local sports and Community of Fylde Borough for over 35 years. In late 2018, I even won the award for Lifetime Achievement from the Borough I grew up in, which I am also extremely proud of.
Keeping the abuse I had suffered well secure at the back of my head was OK most of the time, but in or around 1997 I caught sight of a programme on TV that would blow my mind, a programme that was highlighting a football coach who had been convicted of Sexual Abuse offences abroad in America and then to boys in England too, he faced new charges in this Country.
It was the same man. Bennell had abused other boys!
By this stage in my life (I was now 30), I was obviously fully aware what Sexual Abuse was, but had no idea of the huge scale of sexual abuse. I never thought there would be others until that day. I had just never given thought to it that way. I was special, he told me, wasn’t I?
This was mind-blowing;
But now there were others!
But how many others, as nobody was aware of me.
How many more ME’s were their?
This flagged everything up for me, yet again. Another very difficult period of my life.
A day or so after the programme, I went to collect my young son, Daniel from my mum’s house, and could not believe it when mum asked me if I had seen the programme?
I sort of tried to get off the subject, but mum asked me again, for a final time, after she had also asked me all those years ago, after Barry had left my house in 1980. Did anything happen to me when I stayed at his house, I said no again.
Then she said the words that would ultimately keep me quiet for many more years to come. As I had been struggling with everything over the last day or so, I felt ready to disclose. I felt strong and knew there were now other boys who were sexually abused by this Monster. I was ready to tell everyone, including police.
I also knew now there would be many more boys.
It would be so hard to tell though. Embarrassing and would I be believed, and once you tell all your family and friends, your girlfriend or wife, even your own children, there is no going back!
I knew now that we could be talking 100’s of Victims, this man coached for like 20 years. I knew he had been obsessed with me in that house all those years earlier, he never left me alone.
Mum’s reply after I answered her NO was clear, “Thank god, as I am not sure how or if I could have coped if it had!”
As I put my son in my car outside her house, I made up my mind that I would now never disclose until after my mum had passed away. His punishment for his offences towards myself would have to wait, and that could and hopefully would be many years away. It hurt, but I wanted to protect my mum.
I had managed to wait this long, I would just have to wait even longer.
For many years after that day, it ate away at me, and as I grew older and wiser it hurt so much to stay silent, but I continued to keep my Secret Promise to my mum.
Life went on and I had many good days, but also some bad. My career at the YMCA was going well, and life was ok.
I now had two fantastic children, who I loved and cared for so much. My daughter had joined the family now in April 1998, with my son, being 2 years and 3 months older to the day.
Some of the hardest times have been around my own children, as I was fairly obsessed with looking after them, to keep them safe when they were little, without obviously anyone knowing. This all came to a head however, when the children were 12 and 10 and my marriage broke down with their mum.
Later a man started living with my children.
It was at this stage I almost lost the plot. That period of my life was so difficult, as I had gone from being a dedicated dad, to not seeing my children for days on end, knowing they were sleeping in the same house as a man I didn’t know anything about. My son was the same age as me when I was abused, he was just 12 , and I was struggling to function.
Hopefully now, everyone understands why I was losing my mind. Although not officially diagnosed by a doctor, I believe during this period I had a breakdown. I could not sleep or concentrate on anything for at least a year, maybe as long as 18 months. I was a zombie walking. I did have depression for which I was treated.
Several years later, In around June 2012, my mum called her sons to her house and dropped the bombshell that she had been diagnosed with Cancer, which we had all suspected for some time, as tests had been going on for what seemed a very long time, and this was eventually changed / upgraded to terminal cancer just several months later in September that same year.
At this horrifying stage of my life, with this horrendous news having just been dropped on us, all I was starting to think about was disclosure, how, where and when?
I was devastated. I had grown so close to my mum over the last 10 years or so, yet all I could think of was disclosure. It haunts me now, although I hid it as well as I could at the time. I had waited for justice for over 32 years at that time.
I spent at least an hour a day with my mum from September 2012 until January 20th 2013, when she sadly finally passed away, surrounded by her whole family at home. My mum and dad had split up when I was 18. Her passing was a very difficult time for my 3 brothers and I, as well as my own children who loved Grandma very much. My mum was very much like their second mum.
Yet all the time I was watching her waste away through this horrible and cruel disease, I was looking for photos, my trophies, certificates, anything from Butlins, anything that linked me to Bennell; Evidence which would eventually help get him convicted.
How wrong is that? I feel terrible even now writing this, as I was watching my mum die each day, hiding this secret promise that I made to myself, that I would never disclose while she was alive.
At the funeral service, I even read a long sort of poem that I had written. It included a line in the middle which said, “I promised I would keep it secret mum, but it’s almost my time”.
I did get asked about this at the wake but ignored the questions mainly, or just answered saying maybe one day I will tell you all. It was mine and mums secret to keep. My son was concerned but went along with my reply.
Just 5 days after the funeral on Monday February 4th 2013, I walked into Macclesfield police station alone. Why Macclesfield when I was living in Lytham at the time of disclosure? Simply, I didn’t want to walk into a police station close to home, so where else should I go? So I went to where it happened. By chance, that was a good thing to have done, as the County it happened in could now carry out the investigation. This is helpful although I had no idea about that at the time.
After parking, I set off trying to find the police station on foot, two or three times I almost went and got back in the car, but I was determined to do this, so in the end I had to ask where the station was, as I couldn’t find it. It turns out I was very close, but now as I approached, I took a few deep breaths, walked up to the counter and stated that I would like to report a case of Non recent Childhood Sex Abuse.
My heart was bouncing! I had never felt anything like the way I felt at that time, but I was ready.
I had told Teresa who had now become my fiancée, that after my mum’s funeral, as we both had a week off work, that I needed the Monday to go somewhere and do something, I couldn’t tell her what it was now, but I would tell her as soon as I got back.
Teresa was obviously worried, but agreed.
In the police station, after I spoke to the man on the front desk, I was taken to an interview room and told to wait while he contacted a trained officer.
Two lady officers walked in, around maybe 20/30 minutes later.
I had no idea what to expect or how hard it would hit me, but Alison from the police was great. She asked me for brief details initially, and what information I could provide about my abuser.
This was incredibly difficult – as I am sure you can imagine reading this, I gave little detail of the abuse that day however, just enough that they understood what had happened.
They took copies of my photos and certificates that I had taken with me, as evidence.
They told me they would start to look at the case and keep in touch with me. Alison also told me they would want to videotape my full interview and this would be done soon. I mentioned I was off work that week, so it took place just 2 days later in the end.
It was however in my naïve eyes, very simple now;
Go and arrest him!!
Oh! how naïve was I back then!
I can honestly say that I had zero experience of the criminal justice system, and just how badly it can treat people. The effects of poor treatment from all those professionals has affected me badly, for almost 7 years now. I know it has also affected 100’s of other Survivors across the UK, I have spoken to since.
The Public Interest test that the CPS uses to determine whether a case should go to court, was never mentioned on that trip to the station that followed on the Wednesday, just two days later, when I did my taped video evidence – where I had to go into full detail for the very first time ever with anyone.
As I left the police station, on Monday February 4th 2013, after disclosing my abuse for the first time, I got back to my car, which I had parked in the multi-story car park close by, and finally just fell apart.
Sobbing all alone for around 30 minutes – it was probably less – but honestly felt much longer. To this day I have never felt a feeling like it.
I was certainly hit by a wall of emotion.
I drove home with tears in my eyes still, and the next part was going to be equally as hard, if not harder. I would be telling my fiancée, a loved one for the first time,my secret. It was now dawning on me what was in store for the next few weeks, as surely this would all be over very quickly; Bennell had been previously convicted for the Sexual Abuse to boys twice before in America and in England, and in total to 7 other boys, or so I thought at the time, it was 7 anyway. One in America and six in England.
I arrived home and text Teresa, who was still a short time away from home. It was incredibly hard but I somehow managed to tell Teresa shortly after she arrived home. She has since told me that it was a million miles away from what she thought I had been doing. She felt I might have gone around and spent some time at some of my other family members graves, after just losing my mum.
We spent a very emotional evening together, and it wasn’t until after I told her, that I started to think what if she leaves me?
It had never even entered my head until then. She was brilliant with me though, very strong and supportive, although we had a good cry together. Teresa by now had qualified as a Mental Health nurse, and was working at times with offenders of Childhood Sexual Abuse.
Sex Offenders !
I had found this very hard but until this day had said nothing at all. I just never wanted to talk about Teresa’s work, now she understood why. Teresa changed her employment not long after, but stayed working within Mental Health services at that time.
Her experience though, and her support were much needed! I didn’t go into much detail, she didn’t need to know everything did she, so I kept the abuse brief.
Teresa is very close to her sister and has 3 children (all now adults) of her own, from a previous marriage, and the one thing I asked at that stage was that she told no one.
So much to ask I know, but at that stage I was keeping it a secret until I saw where it was all going.
I honestly thought at the time that it would just be for a few weeks.
This was hard for her, as I now know she wanted to talk to someone other than me, and I wouldn’t let her, for which I am sorry, as in the end it went on for months and months, before I allowed her to tell her parents and sister. I am so sorry for this, even to this day. I left her alone like I had been for all those years without anyone to talk to. How could I do that? I just didn’t want anyone to know at that stage. I just thought if she needed to talk, she could talk to me. Everyone needs someone, I was wrong, I know that I just wasn’t thinking right!
On the Wednesday, just 48 hours after I had travelled to Macclesfield to disclose, we travelled back to Macclesfield together; Teresa by my side, for me to do my taped interview, which is when I think I found out about the two tests that must be met for prosecution from the CPS.
Evidence was always going to be hard, as it was so long ago, but I had things that proved I had met Barry Bennell and attended the course in Macclesfield, and stayed at Butlin’s twice on holiday.
Also, it would have been impossible for me to even know about the small one-day football skills course in Macclesfield in April 1980, had we not kept in touch with Barry – writing backwards and forwards over those 11 months too, as there was no social media in those days, to inform us about a 1 day soccer course in Macclesfield.
In 1980, Macclesfield was for me like the other side of the World.
I also had my own, very detailed personal memories of the Abuse and I did think at that stage my dad would surely remember taking me to his house in 1980, and be a witness, although I wasn’t certain.
But the 2nd CPS test, which was public interest, was a given; surely. I never gave it a second thought.
How could it not be in the public interest to send back to prison, a what would be then, a 3 time convicted Child Sex Offender? Of course it would be in the public interest, no problem!
How wrong would I be? I would later found out!
The next few weeks, which turned into months, were quiet; just some emails going backwards and forwards with the police and the occasional call. The way I saw it was, there was only my dad and Bennell to interview, once I had done my taped interview, so it would be over in days or a few weeks surely?
The police as it turned out, had no idea who Bennell was when I disclosed, even though Bennell had been on TV years before from his previous cases and had been convicted in the same area years before too.
To be fair, all this had happened before the officers I was dealing with would have even joined the police, so how would they know him.
When the police eventually travelled down South, to where Bennell now lived to interview him, Bennell denied everything, it was him in the photographs with me, he agreed that, but said that he didn’t know me at all. He said he had coached lots of kids, 1000’s. He did admit that it was his M.O. to sexually abuse boys around the age of 12, good young footballer’s etc but that was it. He would not admit to anything else!
When I was informed of this, it made me so angry. I was fuming, how dare he!!!
I was already going out of my mind, but it wound me up so much the night I was informed. To this day, it still gets to me! It just made me more determined to prove him a liar, to get him to court and then into prison.
It turns out (as I later discovered) that you can deny all charges and plead Not Guilty all the way through a case, put Survivors through Hell, then plead guilty at the very start of the trial and get a pat on the back and be thanked for pleading guilty at that stage, and still get time off your sentence!
What about over 2 years of lying, and the Hell that survivors go through to get to Court?
The British Justice system… At that stage, in my opinion, you should not get a reduced sentence, if you plead guilty on the day of the trial!
Give Offenders a strict deadline, say 3 months before the start of Court as a last chance to plead to get a reduced sentence. This would often speed up cases, and save Survivors from going through so much pain.
Still allow Offenders to plead guilty on the day, if they wish but at this stage, do not offer them any sentence reduction. Why should they get the reward of a shorter sentence for a plea on the day?
Just a few weeks after I disclosed, my dad was interviewed. He told me afterwards, that when the Lady PC from Blackpool police walked in to his house and asked if he was Martin Lean and did he have a son called David? – for a few seconds he thought he was about to be told I was dead! Although to be fair though other than that, my dad said she was very kind and I thank her for that.
My dad was by that stage a frail old man, although his brain and memory were great and still very active. His brain in fact, was the only thing working well at that time, if I’m Honest!
I never wanted to disclose while my dad was alive either. I knew it would break his heart too, but I knew he would remember taking me to his house, and me staying over while I attended the course, which he very clearly did as it turned out. Thankfully!
He also told police on interview that after it came out about my abuser in 1997/98, that it often made him wonder about my comments, when I got into his car as he collected me from his house in 1980. My dad told me later he thought something had happened , but was scared to ask.
My dad also told me to talk to my three brothers, and my Step dad, as my dad said he wanted to be able to talk freely about it with my brothers – his 3 other sons.
My dad was very upset and blamed himself. I told him on many occasions before he passed away, that it was never his fault, never! The last time was during our very last conversation, alone together, a day or so before he passed away. My dad apologising on his deathbed. It hurt so much, still does. Was I selfish to disclose while he was still alive? I needed my dad, he was there for me, I will never forget that dad x
I truly believe that too – it was never my parents fault – even today. My abuser was so clever, he groomed me and my parents so well, I never blamed my parents. There was NO education to raise awareness in 1980!
They both loved me very much, and it was never their fault. Child Abusers were in those days, seen as very strange people, who lived alone and they most certainly were not talented young football coaches with girlfriends in their mid 20’s.
I had now disclosed to around 6 or 7 family members and was telling nobody else until I saw where it was heading. That included my two children and all my other family and friends, as well as work colleagues.
My first ever counselling session started around 6 to 8 weeks after my disclosure, and continued for 2 years, on almost a weekly basis.
I am very grateful to the police and Alison for arranging this. I am not sure I could have got through it without Helen, Sarah and Jo as well as Rachel from Drugline in Blackpool, who helped sort everything out for me, and they were all lovely throughout my sessions. I was mixed up and angry and so needed to talk each week, as I was driving everyone else I had disclosed to mad.
It was also a subject nobody was comfortable around who I had disclosed to, and I needed to talk about very sensitive issues with someone too.
Finally, in late May 2013 the file was handed in to the CPS, but the police seemed happy with the evidence. They said my accounts of the abuse were almost exactly the same as previous boys – from the ‘97 case [To clarify I had not spoken to any of the boys from the 1997 cases until 2017, 2 years after my own case was complete].
My case was obviously in the public interest also as all Child Sex abuse cases should be, so I was confident charges would be issued on Bennell.
Then I received the CPS letter, followed up by a call from my police officer. They would ultimately end up changing my life; for what has now been almost 7 years since I walked into a police station, back on February 4th 2013.
My case was being dropped by CPS as it was not seen as in the public interest to prosecute a Child Sex offender, even though they thought I was credible and that I had passed their own evidence test!
It stated that due to his previous convictions for offences that took place around the same time (early 1980’s) as mine, they felt he had served his time. If I had come forward with the others in 1997, my offences may not have added any time to his sentence then!
What?
What about justice?
What about these horrible things he had done to me?
What about the impact on my life ?
How could additional offences to me not add time to a sentence ?
I was in shock, I was angry, I was bitter and I was so upset and emotional. What’s worse, I was about to go away for 2 days with Directors from work that same morning, who were completely unaware of anything and as such, I would be unable to speak to Teresa properly. I was going out of my mind. Those two days were horrendous!
When I got back home I set about with real vigour, questioning and trying to appeal this decision with the CPS, as it was surely wrong! I began the process by looking very carefully at the CPS website, from top to bottom and looking for every key detail to do with public interest.
The police were sorry, but didn’t feel they could help me with my appeal in anyway.
I began sending daily emails to the CPS, asking for the appeals process. I was told in my decision letter I could have a meeting with CPS officials, but that the decision would not be changed. How could this be right? How can such a huge decision be made and have no right to appeal? Why would anyone bother to go to a meeting if the decision will not be changed? I guess 99% wont, which is I guess just how the CPS liked it.
Why would I possibly want to take a day off work, travel to Liverpool, and meet with the people who had now, I felt, ruined my life, if I had no hope of re-opening my case?
When I received my letter there was also a hand-out from the CPS enclosed, which clearly stated that from time to time – for special reason, cases can be reopened.
Well this has to be one, as he is a twice convicted sex offender, and they say I am a credible witness and the evidence test is ok to go forward, so what’s the problem?
But I had nothing to lose and I was very determined and at the end of the day – how could this decision be right?
There was also nothing more certain than the lady who had made this decision for the CPS, would have to sit in front of me and explain her actions to my face, and not behind a letter or a keyboard. She would have to face me!
In the meantime, I was also starting to get responses from the CPS, that were unclear and unprofessional in certain aspects. After a period of time, this got to be such a concern, that I started a complaint against the CPS, with regards to my treatment outside of my decision regarding my case, but about their professionalism in general.
The day had come for my meeting with CPS and Teresa and I travelled down to Liverpool. The meeting would be held in the Liver buildings and run by two Senior Officials and a secretary from the CPS, in July 2013.
The lady who made the decision about my case, was not at the meeting.
Why? I wondered, and still wonder.
I remained professional throughout, and went through what I considered to be a tick box meeting. The two men were very nice, but not interested in what I had to say.
I was told my Offender had been rehabilitated!
I was told he had already served his time!
I was told it would cost around 20-30 thousand pounds for Crown Court!
I was told that there comes a point when regardless of the number of offences, a line must be drawn on sentence.
Finally; so this was about money!
Never mind that they said they believed me!
Never mind that they felt I had passed the evidential test!
Never mind he was a twice convicted Child abuse offender!
Never mind that he had over 20 charges still left on his file from previous cases!
Never mind they thought I was a credible witness!
It was not seen as in the public interest, and would not be reopened!
At the meeting I told the CPS that they needed to open a full investigation into my Offender.
I told them they needed to look, as I believed there would be 100’s more victims/survivors, not just a few!
They again told me NO. They would not reopen my case, but I could appeal to the National Childhood Sexual review panel, which had literally just been established.
It took them over 3 weeks to tell me about this panel, even though we were in daily contact at that stage, and they knew I was going out of my mind.
So I went and looked at every aspect of my case again, and put together a detailed letter explaining all the reasons for my appeal. Most of which, I had already fully explained to the CPS, but they were not interested.
On the CPS’ own website at the time, it stated that, Public interest was almost always met if….
The Victim was 12 years or under at the time, (I was 12 years old when I was sexually abused).
If there was a significant age difference between Offender and Victim, (well he was double my age at the time of my abuse).
If they are in a position of trust, (he was my coach and I was staying at his house).
If it was planned in advance, (he was writing to me for 7 months to get me to his house. I was GROOMED! Altogether it took 11 months to get me to his property from meeting him at Butlin’s in the May of 1979)
Finally, did the Offender have similar convictions ? (yes!)
Every single item of criteria mentioned as in the public interest on the CPS’ own website – I ticked every box! Yet the CPS still dropped my case against Barry Bennell.
I appealed to the panel in July 2013, and the first ever meeting of the new National panel was set for mid-September. My case would be a test case as one of the very first batch.
In the meantime I continued my complaint against the CPS service in general.
I eventually had my complaint looked at by an Independent complaints assessor into my case against the CPS, and my case was upheld. They were made to apologise.
My appeal case was heard by the National panel. You are not allowed to attend the meeting, they just look at the case again, through fresh eyes.
The people on the panel include a very senior member of the Police, and a representative of the CPS, along with 2-3 other key agencies. The wait seemed like years from July to mid September, and then you wait around 10 more days for the outcome letter. I had been through, and continued to go through hell, trying to cope at work was hard; trying to keep my mind in the game at home and with my kids and family was even harder!
Eventually the letter arrived and I just could not believe what it said!
“They could not make their blinking minds up!!!!” – Was my first thought.
This was completely unexpected; it was only ever going to be a yes or no answer surely?
What happens now?, surely not more waiting?
Believe me the public want Child Sex Offenders locked up!!
Public Interest was always met! What was the delay ?
What chance have you got if people don’t agree with this within our Justice System ? Surely sex offenders where the evidence test is met should go to Court!
The Panel wanted to speak to professional agencies, speak to others and look at feedback; then take it to the next meeting of the National Panel in January 2014.
It hurt, it hurt so much!
The worry was so hard for me at this stage! I did often wonder what was there to consider?
Was it ok for a man to do this to a 12 year old boy, and walk free? I was absolutely gutted but had got to the stage where I trusted nobody whatsoever, and particularly the CPS, who had treated me so badly in making the initial decision!
I’m not sure how I got through that Christmas, but I did. Towards the end of January 2014, again around 10 days after the meeting, which was set for mid-January 2014, I received an email from the panel.
I could not bring myself to open the email. I remember it like it was yesterday, even now. Teresa was sat in the room when I broke the silence, as I checked my emails. Teresa had been fantastic the whole time although like me, we both believed now that the case would not be reopened, and we were just awaiting the written confirmation.
I announced to her excitedly that I had received the email then opened it. It took a while for me to begin reading from the top, as I scanned straight to the bottom to get the answer!
I saw the outcome, but didn’t understand it? Yet again?
Then I began to read it out loud to Teresa.
Bla,bla,bla It has been decided that due to NEW guidance being issued that the case has been referred back to the CPS to relook at the case, under the new guidance.
What does this actually mean in English please?
What the same bleeding CPS that dropped it?
New guidance?
What new guidance?
I followed it up when I phoned the next day, and spoke to the panel secretary.
Basically he stated excitedly; that my case had changed the guidance in England – in terms of prosecuting people in cases similar to mine where only a nominal / short sentence or other punishment were maybe available. Effectively he told me, my case had changed the law of the land and could help 1000’s of people in the future.
The panel does not have the power to charge, but in light of the new guidance, the CPS will re-look at the case and as the evidence test was met – they should now charge, but it was down to the CPS dealing with it. The gentleman apologised for the time it had taken. I now fully understand the delay and am so proud to have pushed through this change in the guidance. I have huge respect for the National Panel and what it stands for and has achieved. Giving people a second chance through fresh eyes is so important, they do a brilliant job.
However my case was now going back to the CPS, In whom I had zero trust!
I waited around a month (don’t worry about my health), before I received an email from the CPS, stating that they had instructed Cheshire Police to charge my Offender!!
I had finally done it!!
I would get Bennell to Court.
This was just the start, I always knew it too! When Bennell got to Court, and the press were finally made aware and run a huge story, and the rest would be history, as it was never in doubt that there would be many, many more Victims!
I had already asked the police if I could go to the press and was told it would ruin my case. Then my case got dropped anyway!
It didn’t sink in until a few weeks after though, properly.
Justice was about to be served on a Child Sex Offender! Shouldn’t justice be served on every single person who sexually abuses a child if the evidence test is met?
Although I was very happy, it then started to hit me for the first time, that what if in court, they find him Not Guilty?
How would I cope with that?
Could I cope with that?
But I knew that even if that happened, which I very much believed would never be the case, I was still sure that 100’s more would come forward if it hit the media.
My case getting the guidance changed everything for many more victims coming forward in the future too.
Soon after, he was officially charged. How I wish I had been a fly on the wall that day! He must have known that many more would find the courage to come forward this time – He must have known that this was just the start!
Then it was about waiting for a Crown Court date, as he would go on to plead not guilty all the way along as it turned out.
I know these things can take a while, but it was way over a 12 month wait until the date came through. My dad was getting more unwell day by day, and again I appealed to the Courts and they agreed to move the Trial date at Crown court, 3 months earlier to April 2015 – still a long way off, but now I had something to plan towards. It was much better having a date than not, even if it was so far away.
The wait was so hard the Court system and powers that be, just don’t care. They have no idea how hard it is to carry on everyday life for 12 months, while you wait for your day in Court, that could (and did) end up to be one of the worst days of my life!
Remember during this period only around 7 or 8 people were aware of what was going on in my life.
It had finally arrived.
Tuesday April 7th 2015.
I drove to Chester alone, on the Monday afternoon – the day before court, and stayed overnight at a local hotel, just outside the City Centre. I am much better alone at times like this, and did not want Teresa to go through the Court case. My brother Graham was meeting me first thing Tuesday at the Chester racecourse car park across the road from the Crown Court.
I was fired up, ready to go, nervous of course – but ready for my day in Court, and to finally tell the world what this Monster had done to me!
If he’d had the nerve to plead Not Guilty all the way for the last 2 years I was ready to set the record straight.
And I would look the jury in the eye while doing so.
His Not Guilty pleas had hurt so much!
I had been advised to stay close, but not enter the Crown Court at Chester at all until I was called by Alison, the police officer who had handled my case. I was attending under special measures. I had made it very clear from day one, to everyone involved with the case, that although I wanted to enter Court, I never wanted to see Bennell, Never !
I wanted to give evidence behind a screen. I have issues and flashbacks with my memories and didn’t need to see his new current appearance to stay in my mind for the remainder of my life too. So I would go into the courtroom and give evidence behind a screen, so that I wouldn’t see Bennell.
Graham and I went for a brew, and a walk around. It was a lovely day, so we walked around by the river Dee. I am to this day forever grateful to Graham, for being with me that day. I received the odd text from Alison, they had some delays in Court and then eventually my phone started to ring – it was late afternoon by now.
It was a relief that we were just a few hundred yards away, as we started to walk in the direction of the court, as I answered the phone.
It’s sort of a blur, and I don’t remember much from that call, but I clearly remember the words “He’s pleaded Guilty, it’s over!” Then basically, you can go home!, I will be in touch with the Sentencing date later.
To say I was devastated would be an understatement! I was ready to go. I wanted my day in Court, wanted the press to report on the story, if any press were present that is; but I always knew the longer the case went on, the more the press would gain interest in this monster and my Truth!
I also knew even then, that he would get a pat on the back for a Guilty plea. Even at this late stage, and after the hell I had been through and was still going through, this makes it worse, over two years of pleading NOT guilty, and then he can just decide when he changes his plea and still get a pat on the back, it’s so wrong!
I spent that night at my hotel alone; I had booked the room for a few nights, as I expected to be there for a few days with the trial. I said goodbye to Graham and went back to my hotel and had long telephone conversations with Teresa, my dad and my other brothers. Everyone seemed happy except me, I was far from happy, which may seem strange to some people, as he could have been found not guilty had it gone to trial, but I wanted my day.
Everyone seemed happy except me. I was lost, upset and angry all over again. Little bits of press started to appear online later that evening; this grew to more online sites in local papers over the next 24-48 hrs. Fingers crossed other Survivors would see these. I knew there would be more! I told the police and CPS there will be 100’s, and I Just knew there would be. It just needed to let people see this and the Can of worms would open, it was just going to be a matter of time before the lid blew off this !
I received more information about the Sentencing hearing set for Friday May 8th 2015. Again it would be at Chester Crown Court. I was always unsure previously about reading my personal Victim Statement out in Court, as I was aware how hard it would be, but after being denied my day in Court, I would again under special measures attempt to go into Court to read my statement behind a screen.
I had stated from day one that it was very important to me that I never saw him in the flesh, as I knew it would mess with my head – and leave me long term new memories, that I didn’t need moving forward with my life after the trial .
I had made it crystal clear to everyone, that I never wanted to see this Monster or his current appearance, to give me new Nightmares I had lived my life with the old ones!
Again I drove alone to Chester, and was met by an official of the court at the side door at Chester, as arranged through special measures, and taken to a private room upstairs, as arranged. Eventually, after what seemed like a lifetime, an elderly gentleman came and told me they were ready in Court and to follow him. I took a huge deep breathe and began to follow him down stairs and through passageways, to a large wooden door with some glass in it.
As we approached the door I could see a figure, with the back of his head towards the door, and as the man who had been escorting me opened the door, this person whose head I could see turned our way, it was my Offender!!
It was Bennell. I instantly recognised him, even though I hadn’t seen him for around 35 years.
I was ushered in and told to sit to my left, on a chair near a large door several yards away. I quickly kept my head down and did as I was told to do and sat, head down but watching this figure to my right around 6-8 yards away out of the corner of my eye, if I’m honest I didn’t know what to do. We were alone, how could this have happened ?
I was starting to get angry when within a few minutes the door to my left opened, and a man looked at me as my eyes met his, and said Mr Richard Jones, I said “No! That’s not me!”
He asked me again, Mr Richard Jones, I said again louder that’s not me, I kept my head down !!
At this time I could sense, and then I looked and saw a figure heading my way, eventually standing next to me just a yard to my right, he then stated that he was Richard Jones!
Richard Jones AKA Barry Bennell was the name that this Multi Offending, sex offender had taken after his release from prison in 2004. Trying to create his new life. What about the Survivors? we can’t create a new life as easy can we? Offenders move to new areas and hide amongst the residents they live beside, who have no idea of who they really are, hidden in plain sight .
A short conversation between them took place as I was sat, with them talking over the top of my head and although I tried not to look at them, I did ! He was close enough to touch the whole time.
Within seconds he was gone and led into Court, how could this have happened? The one thing I had stressed from day one – that must not happen, I did not want to see him. I knew the effect it would have, and continues to have on me to this day, I only ever asked for one thing during all this, I never wanted to see him ! Never !
I fell apart! I was very angry, upset and emotional!!
How could this happen, how could they get it so wrong?
I had spelt it out loud and clear from day one!!
I never wanted to see him! I began to cry. I was alone for only another minute when the door opened again, and the same man appeared and asked me to follow him into Court.
I was angry but tried to remain professional. I told him, “I can’t go in now, I’m a mess!! I was never supposed to see him!!” But he was heartless, and just told me I needed to follow him in, now! I was trying to calm down and get ready for what would be the hardest thing I had ever done. The man had no idea how it affected me and not a care in the World, just doing his job and getting Court started, just ticking his box ! I was just a reference number to him!
As I felt I had been all the way along, no care was shown my way, except from by police officer Alison, who had been supportive – until the CPS dropped the case anyway, then things seemed to change from her too.
Nobody cares for Survivors, the process we go through, the time we wait , the disgraceful decisions, the impact it had on me or my family, the fact that I was trying to carry on working, and with my life, it had been so hard already.
I took a few seconds and I stood up ready to enter Court just as I got to the door I asked “The screens are up though in Court, as I had requested them aren’t they?”
To which I was almost man-handled out of the door, and the door closed again! I could hear commotions within Court, and my offender was told that he had to be led out of another door and out of Court as I had to walk from my door, to where the screens start, around 10-15 yards away. They had failed to erect the screens in Court too. If I had just walked in I would have been able to see him again, it was just unbelievable, but it actually happened.
I was then asked to go back in. How on earth could I be expected to deal with this and then carry on as normal? Nobody gave a stuff, nobody gave me any time! Nobody even asked if I was ok. I just had to get on with it!
With everything that had gone on, and then reading out my 5-6 page statement, I was very emotional and much of what the judge said is still a blur still to this day.
I do remember though, very early on in his Sentencing summing up, hearing the Judge state, “you will be getting a Custodial sentence today , you will be going to Prison!”
I had no idea who was in the Courtroom; I was whisked in behind the screen and spent most of the time looking at the judge.
It seemed to happen very quickly and before I knew it, he was talking about the actual sentence. I listened to how he was to have time knocked off his sentence for a guilty plea, as expected!
What a bad joke this is, to allow a Monster time off his sentence, when he had pleaded innocent for over 2 years, and along the way had denied even knowing who I was, is nothing short of a scandal. It didn’t stop me from going through anything either – his guilty plea; I wanted to go into Court, I wanted my day in Court!! Again it just saved time and money! Never mind what effect it had on me.
He was eventually handed a 2 year sentence and told he must serve a minimum of just one year in prison; this had started with the judge mentioning 4 years but soon became two years. 12 months of which was knocked off for that guilty plea, 25% of his possible sentence.
How do they work out sentences ?
I am now sure that it’s how the judge feels on the day, but Bennell was going to go to prison, there was always a huge possibility that he wouldn’t! It was such a great result, even though I knew he would be out in 12 months probably.
In fact Bennell started making strange noises behind the screen and his barrister stated he had not brought his feeding tube? Why not I thought? Did he think a guilty plea on the day would keep him out of prison, what a shame !!
Unlucky. He was lucky it was just 12 months behind bars in my opinion.
Barry Bennell aka Richard Jones was then taken down after some moaning about not having his feeding tube with him again! Then someone appeared and told me I could leave court now, it all happened very quickly.
The next thing I remember was getting a hug from Alison from the police and walking out of court, back to the same passageway I came from. I started to tell Alison what had happened but she seemed to just want to talk about if I was happy, and would I be ok? I was sort of happy but lost in my feelings.
How is just 12 months behind bars for him ever going to make me happy? It was such a short sentence but at the end of the day after what I had been through, the case being dropped and having to fight so hard and then what had just happened outside Court, at least he was going to prison, surely the press must have been in Court?
Please tell me the press were in Court? I asked Alison if she knew? She replied that yes there was definitely a journalist in Court!
I knew with more press, would come more survivors, I never doubted it for a minute! Over the next 7 days lots of local press came out about the case, online and in local papers, I was sure this would be enough to encourage others forward.
As it turns out I am now fully aware that both Andy Woodward and the first new Survivor to come forward to start the 2018 case had both seen these press releases and both did what they did on the back of this conviction for his offences to me. Without my conviction of Bennell, none of this would have started.
I wrote a complaint Chester Court as soon as I had got home and after their internal investigation, I was informed that, rules of escorting Victims under special measures was reviewed and had changed on the back of what happened to me. I also received an apology. Hopefully it would never happen to anyone else again.
No apology was ever going to be enough though, as now I see his current look everyday but nobody cares, it should never have happened but that’s my feelings with so much of my case; I had gone through so much – I was tired and frustrated of the fight and by this stage needed a break.
Around 5-6 weeks after the trial we went on our planned break, just Teresa and I, for 2 weeks away to Tunisia, to the beautiful resort of Port El Kantaoui, to relax and recover from the last 2 years and 3 months of hell, and to show my appreciation for all Teresa’s support and love.
We flew out on June 17th 2015 and were having a brilliant holiday when it happened, and being so close to the terrorist beach attack was very scary indeed. We were just 800 yards further down the beach and although safe and well, we heard the emergency services and had a military helicopter right above our hotel and witnessed the after events starting to unfold.
We were informed as we had just gone up to our room – to stay in it, as it was believed that the offenders at that time had not been caught. It did however put an end to our wonderful peaceful holiday, but it certainly took my mind away from Court and the other concerns I had at that time, which I couldn’t get out of my head until then, even though we were on holiday in a beautiful Country in the sun. What happened to those on holiday was horrendous and my thoughts will be with them till the day I die. Teresa and I were blessed that day.
I sat and checked my emails every day, after we got back and kept checking google and the papers for some sort of updates about possible Survivors coming forward – as surely there must be some, I always knew there would be.
Around 11 months after his conviction in April 2016, I could not believe that nobody else had come forward, surely police would contact me if they did, surely the press would be involved if they did, I had just about given up and if I’m honest, I could not believe that nobody else had come forward, when I emailed the police to ask about Bennell’s release date from prison.
I’m not sure why, but I just needed to know the date this Monster was going to be released, so I thought I would ask the obvious question for me to Alison. As it turns out I should have been informed by witness services about his release date and about him eventually being put back in prison in November 2018, as he was still on license for his offences to me after the scandal broke. I later received another apology from an area of the Criminal Justice system
Has nobody else come forward Alison? I also asked.
I waited a while for the reply and could not believe my eyes when the reply came. Although I had always expected more to come forward, I was blaming the lack of press interest for nobody else actually coming forward. When the reply came back I was shocked.
I could not believe that Alison said she had no idea when he was being released, BUT if he is, it won’t be for long as two more Survivors had come forward!! RESULT!
Oh my God! Incredibly, I was not informed, I suppose I had no right to be, but I had been going out of my mind. It now turns out that the first Survivor went to police just 4 months after Bennell was convicted for his offences to me, he told the police everything in September 2015.
I received this email in April 2016, some 7 months prior to the story breaking in the media about abuse within football in November 2016, others had already gone to the police and reported abuse by Bennell after seeing his conviction for me.
Sadly, my dad had also passed away just 7 months after Bennell was convicted so he never saw just how far his evidence helped so many. My dad has helped 100’s, as I know without him my conviction of Bennell would never have happened, and as such this would not have started.
No further details were provided in the police email to me, so for me it was just a waiting game. I knew the press would grab it this time, they had to!
Bennell would finally get what was coming to him, and if two more had come forward on the back of this small amount of local press, imagine what would happen when the National papers get hold of the story – which they eventually did in November 2016.
So I waited and I waited, yet nothing. I couldn’t understand what was going on. Then I remembered my own case, and how slow things were moving so I just had to try and stay calm, it would happen it – was just a slow process Dave, I kept reminding myself!
Then on Thursday 17th November 2016, I was asked to attend a two day work conference in Manchester and was at my Networking evening (basically in the pub) after the first day, when my phone started to ring, It was Teresa. I had spoken to her just 2 hours before so I thought it was strange. Dave she said, I’m not sure of the details but another Survivor has come forward re Bennell, it’s on the internet, just search it and it comes up. I was gobsmacked and wanted to know everything, but I was stood outside a pub in Manchester with people waiting for me inside.
Finally it had happened, but again I was not with anyone who was aware of my situation, and I felt all alone and was desperate to know more.
The group I was with knew nothing of my Childhood sexual abuse, or my actual case and it was fairly early in the evening, so I had to sit on this and it was driving me mad.
Was it one of the two Survivors I was aware of that had come forward on the back of my conviction for Bennell, or was it someone new?
Why was it all over the internet?
Why were they allowed to talk to the press when I wasn’t? In fact, I was told NO way, it would ruin my case?
When the evening ended, we walked back to the hotel and I was just a little merry when I entered my hotel room in Manchester, I set up my internet connection on my laptop and searched.
Waiting for my connection was painful, search, search, WOW!! But as I read it, the story was telling that of an Ex-footballer, who was part of the group, along with 5 other boys that got Bennell sentenced in ‘97/’98 and not a new case after all.
So why was this big press, it was 20 years ago?
It had become a huge story because the same offender- Bennell was still out on license for his offences to myself.
Also, a new victims case was at CPS already waiting for a charge decision. This 20 year old story was very current indeed, the Offender was Barry Bennell, he was about to be charged again and still only out on license for his sentence to me.
The story was told.
However I was delighted, it was all I ever wanted, for all my hard work and fight to pay off and get him sentenced for many years, not just 12 months like he got for myself, and to help bring other Survivors out of the dark and get the support and help many would need.
I had told both police and CPS there could be 100’s of victims, I told them to open a full investigation in 2013.
I was tired and a little merry from our night out, and maybe I wasn’t reading it right, the following morning I’m sure things would seem much clearer, but I was still on my conference.
The media attention was going mad and the days after followed the same format. More and more footballers were coming forward regarding CSA within football, but NOT all Survivors of Bennell, and some big names too; including at least two International players, the football scandal was born. The biggest scandal to hit English football!
Teresa mentioned to me a few days after the story broke, that I needed to contact someone; “I know you have always wanted to tell the media, you’ve asked many times but it’s better you contact them under your terms, than someone finding out who you are – which will happen you know, after all you started all this. Someone will find you!”
I wasn’t sure; so many people in my life had no idea of what had happened to me, it was a HUGE step. My two children, who lived with their mum, were unaware; as were all my friends and work colleagues, as well as the rest of the World. I needed time to think, but I didn’t have time now, did I?
A day or two later, after more than a week of footballer’s coming forward, I arrived home from work and turned on my computer while Teresa was preparing tea, and I saw an email with the header Sky News.
The email spoke very briefly and privately about complete confidence, and asked would I like to speak about something of what they stated was of fundamental public importance; it came from the Head of Sky home news herself.
At first I was a little angry, how did they find out who I was? I had gone into Court under, so called special measures? My name was never released in 2015.
This lasted just seconds until I spoke to the voice of reason; Teresa, who was right and calmed me down after all, by saying, “I told you they would find you if you didn’t contact them first.
I told you, your case is the link between the past and the present, and your Truth started this process. You fought so hard to get the law changed without which this wouldn’t have happened.”
I was angry, excited, nervous and terrified, all at the same time.
I made contact though and before I knew it, everything was arranged and lunchtime the following day (Friday 25th), the interview was planned to be filmed on Sunday 27th November 2016, locally in Preston, at the Marriott Hotel; and to be shown at Peak time – 7pm the following day, Monday 28th November 2016, and would be shown every half hour thereafter.
This gave me just a few days to inform my children of what was about to happen, and what had happened to their dad, many years before they were born. I needed to have a very difficult conversation within the next 48 hours.
I also needed to speak to my boss at work and inform him (which I did on the Monday afternoon), that just a few hours later the story would be out. I had actually informed my boss a few days before my trial, a few years earlier. I asked him to please keep it between us two, which he did, and I am very grateful for that. I had never provided any details to him back then, of the case.
I asked my boss as i needed time off work, the rest of the week if possible, starting tomorrow [Tuesday] as Sky had warned me the World may go mad for a while, with many different press outlets also wanting this story as it started this Scandal.
Sunday afternoon soon came round and I was as prepared as I was ever going to be, to do my first ever TV interview about a subject I had never spoken publicly about.
I was to be interviewed by Paul Kelso, who ended up being a very professional member of the press; he was kind and considerate as well as being sensitive. I am very grateful to this day for how Paul held the interview, and also grateful for the way Sky planned and looked after myself and Teresa from start to finish.
Paul met us in the bar/lounge area, and we sat and talked over a drink for around 30 minutes, as he calmed me down and made me feel at ease. The crew then came and got us all, and we went into an upstairs room within the hotel to hold the interview. Paul opened up and asked a few things and then just let me speak; It was the first time since the Police interview, and then just 2 days later we recorded the videotaped interview, where I was able to speak about my Truth in full. It was very hard and draining and to do this in front of 3 other people, as well as Teresa, who was listening to my full accounts for the first time herself. It was very difficult and emotional, but I managed to get through it, and after Teresa and I filmed the final part we headed back, just a short journey to our house, just several miles away.
I was informed by Sky that they would keep me in the loop right through the day on Monday, which Paul and Sky did, and I was fully aware of everything throughout. I was nervous as I spoke with my boss that Monday afternoon; that was the last thing I had to do before heading home to watch the interview for the first time, just a few hours later at 7pm.
Trying to eat was impossible and from around 6.30pm onwards, they started to advertise the interview coming up, and finally my name was out there!
The two hours I spent doing the interview were cut to two versions. One was around 10 minutes long, the other around 3 minutes, but they were well done and sensitively put together. I came off social media for a short while but my phone was going mad with texts. How brave, well done, Top Man were some of the comments, no going back now Dave I said to myself. Everything happened so quickly. I had been ready, but not prepared for what happened next.
Paul Kelso had warned me that other press outlets may be interested, but within 2 hours Paul informed me that day time TV, then National papers were interested in speaking to me. I gave him permission to pass on my number to anyone, as all I wanted to do was tell my story to the World, after being silent for so long as well as raising awareness of CSA within football and sport.
Early on Tuesday morning, TV networks were arranging trains for interviews in London on Wednesday and Thursday, then the Guardian rang me, followed by Granada Reports for a broadcast that same evening. I was also contacted by several local media outlets too. This was all before lunch on Tuesday.
Teresa had gone to work on the Tuesday morning, but was sent home. We were both all over the place. Soon after we set off together to Manchester, and did the interview with the Granada Reports team, which was also a very professional and caring experience. The team there were so kind and considerate to us both. Thank-you!
As we travelled back home at just before 4pm, I started to receive calls, texts and emails, informing me that Barry Bennell had been charged for further offences, from the first Survivor to come forward in this case, who was already in the system well before any Ex-players went to the media.
A media block was then put in place to give this Monster a fair trial. It was introduced with strong instructions, if people did continue to report on Bennell they would be in trouble!
Everything was cancelled! I had waited for over 35 years to speak, I had done one interview that had gone out, and now I had to stop again and be silent!
All this happened just 21 hours after I had gone on TV, on a Network shown all over the World, informing everyone that the police and CPS had been warned by me, that there could be 100’s of Victims, way back in early 2013 and they did nothing.
For 11 days, footballers had poured their hearts out about the horrendous abuse they had suffered on TV and in the National media, without any issues. I speak out and just 21 hours later Bennell is charged!
Why charge now so a media block would go on for what ended up being for around 14 months?
What made this worse, is that I then found out that the CPS already had the complete case file for consideration of charges to be brought for the new victim, for over 2 months!!!
Bennell was already a 3 time convicted offender.
Over two months to charge him?
The prosecution guidance had already been changed too due to my case, and as we now know this brave Survivor suffered horrendous sexual abuse, serious charges. What on earth was the delay? He also had great evidence to support his case. He had gone to police 8 months before Bennell was released for his offences to me.
I had told everyone to open an investigation, and even asked them to inform the press of my Truth to bring others forward, they did nothing, just said it would ruin my case.
The next few days were very difficult. All my anger came back- I was so bitter again, and I found it very hard to concentrate on anything!
Lots of journalists were trying to find a way round the media block but without using names and mentioning future cases etc. My case was done, and already public, so I could speak – but had to be very careful not to ruin the other new cases coming in the future, nothing at all could be in the media or on social media.
I met with lots of media people, all wanting my Truth, but without being able to print at this time, although it was helping me cope being able to talk!
The next issue was while the last few days had been very difficult for me and my family, what many people were unaware of, was that just over 2 weeks after I had disclosed publicly on Sky News, Teresa and myself were due to marry, on December 15th 2016. This had been arranged just 11 months earlier and at the wonderful venue at Salisbury Hall. Plans were ongoing although most of the main planning had been done. It was so difficult to watch Teresa trying to support me in addition to arranging our final wedding plans. Again Teresa asked for none of this, and I am so sorry for the period that this broke being so close to the Wedding, yet she never moaned about that once.
Next, when things couldn’t get much worse, they arranged a new Court date, the day before our wedding, in which it was possible – although very unlikely,that things could change if a guilty plea was made by Bennell at that very early stage. Could the media block be removed just the day before the Wedding? It was a hard few weeks waiting to see if he did plea. In the end he didn’t.
Social media was back on the agenda for me now, so I began to go through the 100’s of messages, as I had been off social media for a few days since my interview. Many of the notifications were private messages too, on facebook – the only site I was on at that time.
To my absolute shock and horror, a total of 13 people in amongst the messages, disclosed to me that they had also been sexually abused as children. 13 as children that were now adults, who have in some way, shape or form shared a small part of my life disclosed to me via social media.
13, unbelievable; I thought I was always alone! I didn’t think I knew anyone else, again that’s because we all kept silent or certainly very private, to just a few family members etc. But this was never the case, the scale of Childhood sexual abuse is huge! These brave people who had told me privately were abused outside of football. I was shocked, if I’m honest, it terrifies me! Every single one of them was sexually abused by someone well known to them also. Family members, babysitters, friends of the family etc. The people least expected!
I had made a decision, with the support of Teresa, to actively raise awareness of CSA after my very public disclosure, and I signed up to twitter to help start this awareness, on a much larger scale than Facebook ever could in my opinion.
Our Wedding was fantastic! Such a special day! My son was my best man, and played a fantastic part and gave a very funny speech for which he will always have to watch his back for! Teresa looked stunning. I was a lucky man, and the surroundings and venue were beautiful, for our Christmas wedding. Close family attended at first, followed by friends later for the evening party. We now have so many special memories. My own speech was very emotional as I thanked everyone, especially Teresa for so much support recently, it was a fantastic day.
The next few weeks saw me start my fundraising campaign for the Manchester Marathon that I had entered. I would fundraise for Renaissance part of Drugline, the Charity which helped me with Counselling for 2 years after my disclosure!
Throughout the whole of 2017, I raised over £3,000 for CSA Counselling services through running 3 Half Marathons, 1 full Marathon, and doing a 24 hour non-stop walk which went horribly wrong!
The main reason however was not just to raise money, but that the events gathered publicity, and as such raised massive awareness about the scale of Childhood Sexual Abuse. At all the events I wore a very public top to help raise awareness of Childhood sexual abuse. In March 2018 I ran another Half Marathon for Save Association, formed by a group of Football Survivors who are trying to give back in so many ways.
The 24 walk non-stop walk that I did, in the Summer of 2017 went horribly wrong in the middle of the night, after around 10 hours of walking in the worst rain that year! By 7am, my blisters on my soaking-wet feet were agony. By 10am, I could walk no more! 8 hours short of my target, and just a few hours after my brother Steve had joined me, to support my walk to raise awareness. Steve joined me again the following Saturday – when I was far from right in doing the last 8 hours! I messed my feet up once again. The walk saw us go from Lytham through to Blackpool, and back up and down the busy Prom in mid-summer! Steve’s act of kindness was and will forever be appreciated. My son had also offered to walk with me for the last 8 hours, on the day I had to stop, which I am also very grateful for. Even though he couldn’t walk the week after due to prior commitments, the offer meant a lot to me. My family has been very supportive throughout. I know this has been hard for them all too and I am very grateful.
The case against Bennell however kept growing, as more and more Survivors came forward, and this case was eventually capped at 12 boys, for the next trial and a total of 55 charges!
The case eventually began in Liverpool Crown Court, on January 8th 2018. This time the Monster put the boys through court, as he did not plead guilty on the day.
Many more boys have come forward since and we wait to see what our wonderful (very sarcastic) CPS will do to get these strong boys – now men their justice. They all deserve justice in Court; that’s why I fought so hard! I also know most of them never will; however, far too many have come forward and disclosed abuse by Bennell, the number is close to another 100
I will always continue to speak out now, whenever and wherever asked to raise awareness, after doing my first public speech in February 2017 at a Voicing CSA Meeting near Manchester.
I did my first public speech (which was very emotional) at a Voicing CSA meeting, and was asked soon after to become an ambassador of Voicing CSA. Phil is a brilliant bloke, very honest and passionate, so I was delighted to be asked! Voicing CSA, like many other voluntary groups, does a fantastic job in helping Survivors take back control and find their strength and voice. I will be forever grateful for being asked by Phil.
So after my runs and walk, what next to raise awareness? A few of us got a group of Survivors together on social media, to raise awareness of CSA through a few twitter trends. But I so wanted to reach a younger audience, and if trending reaches some youngsters it would be brilliant! #CSAsurvivors was great but I wanted it to go much bigger !
I was also honoured to have been asked to speak at some wonderful events in the lead up to the 2018 Bennell trial. Police events and safeguarding events etc. I also spoke to the Voice project, and was invited over to Germany, to the final event and played an active role again. It was a fantastic event and I was honoured to be asked.
What people failed to understand in 2017/18, was that I was reliving it all over again! The lead up to the trial was the strangest feeling – like it was my own trial! It wasn’t until the first day of the trial in Liverpool, that it finally hit home that I would not actually be involved. I know that sounds weird, it does to me too, but this happened due to my case, and I never went through the trial so this felt like my trial.
I had been trying to keep busy in 2017, and it finally hit me how I could raise massive awareness of CSA, through an actual awareness day! How obvious, although you need massive support to progress! I was thinking it needed to involve all forms of Social media, but something that you could support in everyday life too. The idea was born, and with some very early support from some other dedicated Survivors, that had got involved and bought into the idea early on, the Campaign was launched; and it was to be called #purplefriday It would take place on 15/9/17.
It was about raising awareness of CSA but also Child Sexual Exploitation (CSE).
Not about raising awareness of a Charity – but trying to bring everyone together in a free campaign, that both sexes, and all age groups could get involved with, and also to raise awareness on social media and also in everyday life, without promoting a business either or asking people to buy a product.
The idea behind the simple campaign was just to wear any purple item of clothing, or item as bold or as simple as you like. The social media campaign was to use #purplefriday in all tweets or posts, and tweet or share purple photos. To turn social media purple for the day.
I had a deadline of just over 7 weeks to go, from maybe 5 or 6 people being aware, to a global awareness day! The power of Social media proved this was possible. What happened over the next 7 weeks is nothing short of amazing!
Countries all over the World had individuals involved, but in the UK, charities and Survivor groups, as well as social workers, NHS staff, and solicitors were all supporting! It was a brilliant day and #purplefriday also trended for hours on social media! The social media reach alone was massive.
It really was a fantastic day, and brought so many people together!
It was so good in fact, I thought why wait a year to raise awareness again? These serious issues of CSA and CSE were happening on a massive scale, everyday so let’s do this again much sooner. So #purplechristmas 15/12/17 was then born!
I also kept myself busy doing sponsored events, and during these runs, walks, awareness campaigns and speaking events, I tried to continue with my job as a Senior Leisure Manager, for Fylde Coast YMCA – as well as being a husband and dad. It was, and is still very hard actively campaigning while working full time. My life was very difficult, though I was putting a brave face on it all. The media block and waiting for the trial was painful! Unless you have been waiting for your CSA case to go to court, unless you have lived the pain, I don’t believe you will ever understand how slow the clock ticks, and how wrong the system is. At times it’s unbearable.
#purplechristmas however was again a huge success, and this time the Campaign even had two City Councils light up parts of the City. Main Council buildings, in both Stockton on tees and Darlington turned purple!
Thank-you to both of the above Councils for their fantastic support, and to everyone who joined in too, all to raise awareness of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Child Sexual Exploitation.
In 2018 we also held #purplesummer 15/6/18 and #purplechristmas 7/12/18 – both were huge successes. Each campaign took 7/8 weeks hard work for me though, so it certainly was no easy ride.
In 2019, we held two more campaigns, putting the dates out early, to help gain support. #purplewinter the final one this year, took place on December 6th 2019 . The campaigns in 2019 were all about raising awareness of all forms of Child Abuse now.
I do hope everyone who reads this will support the next #purple Campaign and wear, share and shine purple on Friday June 12th 2020, for #purplesummer and ensure they are talking about the subjects of Child Abuse and all its forms with their own children going forward. If you can help influence people to support it would be fantastic.
Childhood Abuse is happening all around the World, on a huge scale. It is often hidden as it’s a subject people do not wish to even think about, let alone discuss, but we need to.
With Childhood Sexual Abuse, the days of a guy with a shady mac on, hiding down a back alley – flashing are well gone. This is happening all around you today, and every day. It’s happening all around the Town or City that you live in today. It’s often a family member, or someone well known to family, in fact around 90% of the time. These are people who get the chance to build loving, caring relationships with Children before they start abusing them, it’s now known as grooming! These people who sexual abuse children are often professional people from all walks of life, and in many cases have positions of trust in the Community that you live. Often, this is the reason they get away with it for so long. So many are direct family members, a horrendous thought I know, but the Truth hurts sometimes!
They can be male or female, of all ages and can appear happily married, or in loving relationships!.Also they can be of any colour or religion, this affects every single Community, Worldwide.
But this is no longer 1980, and we have fantastic information – freely available on the internet to educate both adults and children. Support is available, as are experts in Safeguarding , So please do just that, educate yourself!
After reading this today, if it then gets people to look at the signs and symptoms of what to look for when a child is being abused, it has helped raise awareness. The scale of this is also much bigger than people understand too. Depending on who’s statistics you believe, its somewhere between 2/3 children in every single school class will suffer sexual abuse before they turn 18 years of age.
Sorry to go off on one ! But the World does need to wake up!
During 2017, I was invited to travel to London, to the FA’s Abuse within football inquiry, to give my evidence by Mr Clive Sheldon. I found him to be fair and he listened in difficult circumstances. Time will tell what comes from the inquiry. The truth it now appears is obvious, it certainly appears some professional clubs had other officials or coaches at the Clubs, that were fully aware that abuse was going on and did nothing about it. We await the outcome with interest.
Investigatory journalism continued, with at least one documentary filmed to help get to the truth, which involved 4-5 other Survivors and myself, called, The Wall of Silence, it has since won awards and was a great honour to be asked to be involved with. Deborah and her team were wonderful with Teresa and myself again.
I felt troubled and frustrated, so I felt I had to go back to attending Counselling sessions again in 2017 – funded through the FA. I was angry and reliving everything, yet again, it was certainly a very difficult period for myself and Teresa too. I am grateful to the FA and Sporting Chance for providing the sessions of support, it certainly helped me. Sporting Chance is such a wonderful Charity and has helped so many from the sporting world in so many different ways.
Bennell was surrounded by a media block still, yet I had waited over 35 years to speak and was shut down after just 21 hours in late 2016!
I was so angry and frustrated. The media block was to allow him a fair trial, yet the jury were informed about his past at the very start of the trial, so to me all it did is to keep it out of the media, which was having such a powerful effect on encouraging other Survivors to come forward, especially men at that time. Such a shame it dropped out of the media spotlight for 14 months at such a critical time.
During 2017, I had also heard you could claim compensation from the Criminal Injuries Compensation? I thought I would try after the way I had suffered. A few weeks later I was rejected, yet again!
The reason I failed ultimately, was for being honest! I told them I was unaware that I could claim, and the period I had to claim within had expired. They told me that not knowing was not an excuse, but it was the Truth! How can I apply if I don’t know you can? I had been let down again! Being honest – and certainly not chasing money, was no excuse! Again I appealed, I had to send in all sorts of proof about my situation over the last 4 years, including proving the death of my parents, and proof we were in Tunisia, the length of my case etc and in the end, I received just a very small pay-out. People get more in minor car accidents for whiplash! A whole life of flashbacks, lack of trust, horrendous memories and lots of triggers, for so little on the scale of things! Survivors, I can assure everyone – do not claim through Criminal injuries for huge pay-outs!
I wrote a lot of this Truth in October 2017, while sitting in a cottage on holiday in Whitby with Teresa, relaxing and awaiting for the Court case to start in January 2018 in the City of Liverpool! I then stopped and picked it up again in the Summer of 2019, and finished it in mid-December 2019.
Bennell was convicted in 2018 of 43 charges of Non recent sexual abuse against 12 boys – now men. His sentence was for 31 years, meaning he will serve at least 15 years or so in prison. It is currently possible that this Monster could leave prison one day, as it stands today.
From back in September 2012, when my mum’s devastating news that her cancer had been now diagnosed terminal, to my disclosure to the police on February 4th 2013, through to finally getting Bennell (or AKA Richard Jones) convicted in May 2015, and all the current ongoing situation right up to today, I have had my life taken over by memories, flashbacks and reliving things that you try so hard to forget, but never do.
Almost 7 years have passed now, since I dug a Tunnel in such difficult circumstances, and over such a long period to get Bennell convicted to encourage others to come forward. I spent around two weeks going to Liverpool for the 2018 trial, I found it almost impossible to function at work, so had to take a few weeks off. In all this time though, I only took 4 weeks off work during the 5 years since I disclosed to February 2018, which I am proud of, as I somehow managed to get through, and I believe working helped me do that.
I also attended Liverpool on the day of his sentencing, although I never went in court on any of the days. I never wanted to see his face. This time, I was in control of this, so I stayed clear of court, but just stayed in and around Liverpool Crown Court, talking to other Survivors nearby for some of the time. It helped me being around others who I had only recently met. It was a very strange feeling, but I sort of felt comfortable around other Survivors, most of whom I had never met until that trial, but we sort of bonded and they are very nice people.
The Bennell story may continue to run though, as many more men also came forward in late 2016, and in 2017. It is possible another set of charges for serious offences may be brought against Bennell for a 2020 trial.
If it’s deemed in the public interest to do so, THOSE WORDS AGAIN! I would always say it is, but we shall see what CPS believe now.
While on twitter I made contact with a Survivor of sexual abuse from Taxal Edge, a Children’s home where Bennell used to work. I always believed that was where my own abuse may have taken place by Bennell in April 1980, and after reading reports in the National papers in December 2016, I actually travelled to the Children’s home to view it, as I always believed if I saw it again I would know if it was the location.
I did just that, and believe it or not – on December 31st 2016, as Teresa was working and I was just going to be sat around all day until she got home. While I was there, the site was under development, and no longer a Children’s home and although it rang a few bells I could not be certain, so I took a couple of quick photos of one view, and got back in my car and left and came home.
However, while talking to this brave man we exchanged some photos of the premises of the home, and he then sent me a photo that shook me to the core, while I was sitting in my front room at home.
The photo is of the staff flats at Taxal Edge, and I am now finally, after 38 years absolutely certain it is the location of my abuse. I saw the photo on January 23rd 2018, for the first time. It was a very strange feeling but one I know will help with closure when all this is done.
My truth though is not over. While I stood outside of Liverpool Crown Court, on the day of Bennells sentencing in 2018, a journalist told me that when I came forward in 2013, other Survivor’s not used from the 1998 case, could have been brought forward and used alongside my case, that were not used in the 1998 case, and that if that had happened, my case would never have been dropped in the first place. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, was it true?
I was supposed to be having a drink with the brave Survivors after their trial had finished, a case that my conviction had started and yet again, I was angry and upset. When I arrived home, I emailed the police to start a possible complaint. I asked about several concerns, mainly though was it true, could others have been used to strengthen my case in 2013, before it was dropped ?
In March of 2018, the Senior Investigating Officer (SIO) from the last Bennell case, came to see me at my house. We had exchanged a few emails prior, and she explained that she had been asked to look into my concerns. During the conversation she informed me that all the 23 Survivors that reported allegations in 1997, were used in some way with that case. 23? I had no idea it was 23! I thought it was 6.
Although a plea deal had been put to Bennell in 1998, and he made the deal – which meant he would plead guilty to around half of the 45 Offences, and again on the day the case was supposed to start, Bennell gave a plea of guilty, was sentenced to 9 years in prison, to which in the end he served just 6 inside a prison cell. The other charges were left to lay on file, which basically means that they can’t be used again in future cases. Again, another amazing fact that I was learning about and again found astounding. So even though they were on file when I came forward in 2013, they can’t be looked at again. Crazy!
Then the bombshell……. the Officer then very calmly just added, however this did not include the prison list of additional names provided by Bennell after he had been sentenced! What list? I immediately asked, and was told straight away, well it’s in the public domain. I stated I didn’t think it was, I have learnt so much over the last 6 years or so, and I have never heard about this list.
So now you have told me, can you please tell me why these people were not contacted in 2013? She went on to inform me that, just one month after Bennell was convicted in 1998, at Bennell’s own request, Bennell asked to see police. Bennell asked for assurances before the interview started, that if he gave additional names of boys he admitted sexually abusing, he would not face further charges. These assurances were then given!
Bennell then gave police 9 further names that were not part of the 1998 case, and the police did absolutely nothing with them. This is a monster, who at that stage had 23 Survivors come forward in the UK, and had also been prosecuted in America. Bennell then named nine more victims and the police did nothing. I was obviously wanting to ask questions, so I did.
Why were they not contacted when I came forward in February 2013?
Why did police not help build a case around mine?
Why did they not help these boys disclose in 2013, by contacting them ?
Did the boys know they were even on a list?
Did they know a multi-offending paedophile had informed Police that he had admitted to sexually abusing them 20 years earlier?
I just could not believe my ears. So again, I asked why were they not contacted in 2013? The answer was brief and repeated about five more times, before she left my house. It would have been seen as a fishing trip, as trawling, going looking for victims? How could this be the case, I went over and over, how? Bennell had named them, he told you their names. These boys had never had justice. She then went one better, she informed me that the boys they could find, were then contacted in late 2016, and early 2017 and some had taken the opportunity to disclose.
So it was OK to contact them 3 years later, but not with my case? She explained that this was because the case in 2016/2018 was growing out of control in late 2016- early 2017, and she was sure the media would find out about the list, so they contacted the boys, or the ones they could trace.
To this day and for the rest of my life, I will never forgive Cheshire police for this. I went through two and a quarter years of hell – getting Bennell convicted, it involved going through my case being dropped and having to appeal, and everything else I went through. Remember, I had told police and CPS there would be hundreds of Survivors in 2013, I asked them all to let me go to the media. Nobody did anything and now I know they had a list with 9 other Survivors names on it, provided by Bennell himself, 20 years earlier. They knew others!
We went round and round, over and over the same thing while she was still at my house. She added nothing to this, other than it would be seen as trawling. After a while we agreed to disagree, and she told me her findings would be put in writing; and I thought I should wait to see what she puts before I complain anymore. Then as She went to leave my house, she told me – Anyway, I should be very proud of myself because of what myself and the other lads had done, if a child was sexually abused by their football/sports coach in the future, she felt they would go home and tell their parents.
Absolutely clueless, in my opinion, no idea of how hard it is to disclose!
The power and influence, as well as possible fear, embarrassment and control the coach (or any person in a position of trust), or loved by the child, has over that child – it could take years, if ever, before many Children would ever disclose. We live in hope that in the future, services and systems will be massively improved to help disclosure, as well as all levels of professional support however, I can honestly see people who have been sexually abused as a child still disclosing in adulthood, and some never disclosing in 50 years’ time, such is the shame and embarrassment, along with many other issues to deal with including threats and fear, I only hope I am wrong.
I immediately complained again about her explanation of it being seen as Trawling, and this complaint overlapped with her reply, which stated what she had already told me – that it would have been seen as trawling, and that was that, in her eyes anyway.
The next eight months running, from March 2018 to November 2018, were just a series of complaints and replies, going back and forth – first with Cheshire police, and then with Cheshire police professional standards department. All of which has driven me to lose the plot on three or four occasions. How you are expected to function as an individual during all this, as well as work and have a family life is beyond me; well actually I think that’s the point, I am sure they aim to wear you down and you give up. No chance of that happening with me, I was so angry and upset. The amount of accounts that have changed during this eight month period is incredible. I have had apologies but then accounts changed. I have been left 100% convinced they are hiding the truth.
I was so upset that I contacted the police crime commissioner for Cheshire, and he very kindly offered to see me. I explained everything I had been through with my case, then everything that had happened recently. Both he and his colleague were supportive and kind, and even at this early stage, said they would help me and run an independent review of my case, but only when everything was over with the complaints that were ongoing. So in late 2018, I contacted the office and gave them the full overview of my version of events. As of December 2019, I am still awaiting for the review of my case to commence – looking at how my case was handled by police and police professional standards, as we are waiting to see if further criminal charges will be put to Barry Bennell. We will have to wait and see whether it is seen (once again) as In the public Interest! Either way, when any new case is concluded, I have been promised my case and its handling will be independently looked at.
Whatever happens in the future, I know that in February 2013, when I walked into Macclesfield police station, I told them he would have abused 100’s. I now know the police knew the scale of all this, so why did they do nothing to look further? Why did CPS really drop my case when it ticked every single box in favour of public interest? What was everyone scared of? Did they not want to open this can of worms again? Why?
I am happy to speak about what happened, my twitter account is @DavidLeanLeano if you feel you wish to contact me.
Moving forward , I am now half way through my Level 3 Counselling Course, and in around 2.5 years I hope to give back and help to support people to move forward with their own life, as others have done for myself, which I am extremely grateful for.
I have been working in my new job with AFC Fylde Community Foundation, for around the last 13 months, after I was made redundant from the YMCA – after dedicating over 35 years of my life too, which sees me now help and support many adults with barriers to move forward with their own life , looking for jobs, or re training or getting back into education, which is a great help in what I hope to do in the future, lots of these people just need some support.
Finally, I will be running the London Marathon 2020 Sunday 4th October, for the Sporting Chance Clinic, who have helped so many, including myself.
My fundraising page is my pinned tweet on twitter @DavidLeanLeano Please help me raise both money and awareness of this brilliant Charity, who have helped so many get their lives back on track. I hope to raise massive awareness of Childhood Sexual Abuse while running too. You are not alone, be brave and come forward if you can. Let’s try and help stop this happening to others !
I would like to thank Jason Holyhead for his support, dedication, time and effort in helping me put this Truth together, all free of charge!
Thank you to Teresa, for absolutely everything since day one. I love you so much!
My family and friends for all your love & support, I couldn’t have done it without you !
All the Brave Survivors of abuse, we are stronger Together!
Finally to my Mum, Dad and Step Dad Norman, who I have lost during my fight, I love and miss you all every day. Dad your evidence has now helped so many, and Mum, I kept my secret promise!
My Dad, Martin
Mum, and Step Dad, Norman
“IT WAS ALWAYS IN THE PUBLIC INTEREST, NOW I’VE PROVED IT”
Thank you for this. It means so much to so many, and I know how hard it must have been writing it. I feel honored to have met you (in Germany at the Voice conference). You have been so brave!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your Truth in this way, David. I highly commend you for your perseverance, bravery, and courage! Many similarities to how the Justice System here in Nova Scotia, Canada has treated me and five other "victims" during the 2019 trial of Arthur Chestnut who sexually abused me in 1969 when I was 9-yr old. He was one of my Cub Scout leaders at the time. He abused me eight times, including attempted anal penetration. He also allegedly abused several other of the Cubs in my Cub Pack. I use the word "allegedly', so I am not breaking the law. I came forward then in 1969 and told. All that was done to him was he was kicked out of the Cub Pack as a leader. The whole issue was swept under the carpet. Fast forward to June 26, 2018, when I went into the Truro Police Service and made formal allegations of his sexual abuse of me in 1969. An investigation followed and several more victims came forward. He was arrested and charged the first time on Nov 30, 2018. Fast forward again to Nov 20, 2019 when he was convicted and sentenced for sexual assault offences against six young children, male and female, spanning the years 1968-2014—46 years. In exchange for pleading guilty through a negotiated plea bargain, he was sentenced to 13.5 months, yes months, in Provincial jail, of which he will serve only nine months. Upon release the first week of September 2020 he will be on strict probation for three years. That's it, case closed...six victims are the official number...a few media articles...end of story. BUT, is it? Not if I can see to it otherwise! There are many, many more victims known who would not participate in the criminal litigation against the Offender. I respect their choice. And the offender was given several awards between 1995-2018 for Exemplary Fire Service as a volunteer firefighter, including the highest honour in Canada—the Governor General of Canada exemplary Fire Services Medal in 1995, with a first bar in 2004, and a second bar in 2015. He also attended Church faithfully every Sunday, the very same Church where our Cub Pack had its weekly meetings and within which he sexually abused me. He even read the word of God twice monthly from the pulpit I have been told. He was a very highly respected and trusted member of our community...but secretly he was sexually assaulting children all the while right under everyone's noses. I lived a horrific nightmare in my mind for 50 years. It is time MY TRUTH is fully told as well in an effort to help other survivors of Childhood Sexual Assault, to get our laws changed so sentences better reflect the horrific nature of such crimes against innocent children, and to educate others! My 'hat's off' to you David for telling YOUR TRUTH and your advocacy work. And to Jason Holyhead for writing your story in this blog post. If anyone is interested in learning some more about my story, just Google search "Arthur Chestnut Nova Scotia" or "Kevin Sibley Nova Scotia" and many items will appear for your reading. I AM A SURVIVOR! Kind regards to all, Kevin.
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your story and wanted to say thank you for saying, it's so brave to speak out and it helps others more than you realise. By being a voice of truth and speaking out about child sexual abuse you make others feel stronger about telling their story too. I will be supporting all your purple days from now on, purple is one of favourite colours along with green,
ReplyDeleteTake care
David, I have never read your story until today. We are so lucky that there are people out there like yourself still fighting, and still challenging unacceptable floors in the safeguarding system.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as we stop challenging the system the peadophiles get free rain. Keep raising awareness and take some inner peace knowing the good you are doing for our kids.
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ReplyDelete