Waiving your anonymity

 

Waiving your anonymity, you can’t take it back…

It’s now a long time since I waived my right to anonymity, and even longer since I disclosed the sexual abuse I suffered as a 12-year-old boy - at the hands of my football coach Barry Bennell to police, and I suppose, although I have written about my experiences, I feel the time is right now to write this short blog on this important subject, as I feel it’s very important for people to understand how difficult this can be and to ensure you give this some serious thought before you even consider doing so.

I suppose I have seen both sides of this; as after I initially disclosed to the police I kept my anonymity right from 04 February 2013, up until my interview with Sky News, which was shown for the first time from 7pm on Monday, 28 November 2016, with the build-up to the interview starting around an hour before. That day, things massively changed for me.

So why did I do this, why change my mind?

Well, I made the decision initially to keep my disclosure private, as I didn’t feel the need to tell all my family - including my two children and friends, etc. I did offer to go to the media, as far back as February 2013, as I always knew there would be many more victims, but at that stage, I offered to speak anonymously. The police would not let me, and in fact, they said that it could actually ruin my case, so I kept my anonymity right through until he was finally charged, in March 2014. My case was initially dropped by CPS in June 2013, as not seen to be in the public interest to prosecute Barry Bennell.

At this stage, I again thought long and hard about waving my anonymity but one of my children was still under 18, one had literally just turned 18 and at the end of the day, did I really want them to know and go through a possible court case? The simple answer was no, I didn’t. So again, I remained anonymous.

The period for me from disclosure to his court date of April 2015, spanning 2 years and 2 months, and all the twists and turns during this period without being really able to talk about it with many people was difficult. Not many people actually want to talk to you about childhood sexual abuse - believe it or not; amazingly, it’s not a subject you talk about around the family table. I was seeing a counsellor once a week and this obviously helped, as although my fiancée at the time, Teresa, was a great support, understandably, not even she wanted to talk about anything in detail. It’s weird, but for me, once I had disclosed, I wanted to talk about it more and more. In fact, I needed to get everything off my chest, my thoughts, my feelings, and emotions of almost 33 years had to come out.

Things like his date in the magistrate's court, where two of my brothers attended and I was at work, worrying and trying to just get through the day, waiting to hear from them. Unless you have gone through it, how do you explain that to someone, knowing the police are interviewing your offender and waiting to hear what happened, etc?

 I was trying to cope and carry on with life without anyone knowing, and at times, I went home and broke down.

Even reading the press releases, which appeared in many local papers after his conviction and after his sentencing hearing, I remained anonymous. It’s a very strange feeling, reading all about your case and knowing that individual is you. At that stage only around ten adults - all immediate family, in the World knew what I had gone through to get Barry Bennell finally convicted.

I was aware that an individual from the media was in court for his sentencing hearing when I read my impact statement behind a screen in court. I knew this would be enough to bring others forward, and it did.

Things started to move forward as of April 2016, after he had served 11 of his 12 months prison sentence, as I was aware that he would then be released and serve the final 12 months of his two-year sentence on license and out in the community (don’t get me started on that one.)

I was finally informed by police that he was under investigation again.

This was again, another extremely difficult period for me, knowing from April 2016 things were going to blow up again, and yet as we went into November 2016, nothing. Over 6 months and nothing. He was now out of prison - released in May 2016, for his offences to me. The days were going extremely slowly, and I had no further contact from the police.  I knew the media would pick up on him this time. I knew the story would be much bigger this time around. This monster coached at several different professional football clubs, including obviously Manchester City, a premier league club. Knowing what was about to happen but having no control over if-and-when; I found this very hard. It was like a ticking time bomb and not in any way under my control.

So, I was on a 2-day work conference, in Manchester, when during the evening on Thursday, 17 November 2016, Teresa rang me and told me that Bennell was in the news. At that stage, she said a guy is on TV, saying he was abused and telling his story.

I couldn’t understand that, as I was not allowed to go to the media. Anyway, several hours later, I saw that it was not a new case at all, it was an ex-footballer, who was part of the 1998 case. His story was written after 18 years, as when he went to the media, he was fully aware that Bennell had been released again from prison - for the offenses to me, earlier that year, and was currently on license. He was also aware that another serious case of child sex abuse was sat on the CPS desk awaiting charges after he had disclosed to the police in September 2015, after seeing his conviction for myself. So, this 18-year-old story of his was now relevant to highlight a new case, and the abuse within football scandal was born.

 

The next week was a whirlwind of emotions, imagine going to work every day, seeing and hearing about men being sexually abused as children by their football coach, and not being able to speak out. Day after day, others came forward. They included International players as well as youth-team players at professional clubs. I found it very hard, hearing of other victims of Bennell, who were abused after April 1980, and I found this extremely hard - as If I had spoken out, then maybe I could have stopped so many boys being sexually abused and raped.

Teresa told me almost immediately that I needed to contact the media and tell them. ‘You have always wanted to tell them, I think you need to tell them, as part of your recovery process. It’s eating you up inside, watching this day after day.’ She told me that, ‘They will find you! It’s better to contact them.’ But hey, how does a bloke contact the media and tell them he was sexually abused as a child, who do you contact? Which media outlet? Which reporter?

I had no idea, so I did nothing at all.

Again, I found this period so difficult, trying to function, trying to stay silent, but I suppose by now - getting frustrated and angrier every day. I had fought so hard to expose this. My case eventually led to the prosecution guidance in this country being changed. Effectively, I was informed it changed the law to help convict Bennell.

Then on Thursday, 24 November 2016, a full week since I initially found out about the media around the abuse within football, I came home from work to an email from Sky News. At first, I thought I was being sold something - that It was some kind of advert, however, I soon realised that it was much more than that. It was an email that would go on to effectively change my life. It was an extremely sensitive email, asking me if I would like to tell my story, as they put it - they felt it was a matter of fundamental public importance. Always makes me smile this, after being told in June 2013, by CPS that It was not in the public interest to prosecute a serial paedophile!

I suppose this is the whole point of this blog now. It’s so easy to get carried away with the situation and get sucked into a media campaign. Fortunately, although I had no idea exactly what would happen, I was professional and mature enough to know and prepare for what was about to happen. For me, it must be for the right reasons, and anyone who knows me will hopefully by now, tell you that this has always been about raising awareness of childhood sexual abuse. Of course, I am not going to say that I wasn’t frustrated by what was going on all around me, of course I was; but for me, it’s always been about the truth, and what was in the media at that stage, and in some cases still is not the full truth.

So, its Thursday, 24 November, here I am sat reading an email to Teresa, from Sky News, as she is preparing tea, how surreal.

Was I ready to go public? 

What would I say to someone now in this situation?

Well, first I’d say, you can’t take it back. It will stay with you forever. Everyone locally will soon become aware of the situation, whatever it may be. I have not received anyone giving me anything other than positive comments personally, but this is possible, so be prepared for negative comments. At times, I have walked into rooms and conversations have stopped. I was prepared for this type of reaction, so again be prepared for people to talk about you.

I would also say, that when it’s all gone, and the news is tomorrows chip paper - as they say, don’t forget, everyone will still be aware of your truth - you can’t take it back.

Think about it, long term also. Will you be OK with people being aware of this situation, years after its all blown over? As it will. Think about how that may feel for you.

So, the interview was arranged for the next day, Sunday, 27 November, and would be shown on the Monday evening, at 7pm. I spoke with my boss on Monday and told him the situation, but what I wasn’t expecting that day, was for one of my colleagues to basically jokingly say, ‘You used to go to Butlins as a kid, didn’t you? You were a talented young footballer, didn’t you come across this Barry Bennell?’  Incredibly, just hours later, I would be disclosing my abuse to the world and dropping my anonymity, and here I am now in a situation by complete chance. I just shrugged it off and carried on doing my work. My colleague later apologised for what he said, and of course I had absolutely no issue at all with what he said.

Many people have asked me, how much I have made through my interviews etc?

The answer is simple, not a penny. I have given lots of talks at conferences and for many of these I have had to take annual leave from work and travelled long distances, and I think at this time I have been paid expenses really for four or five of them. As I said, it's always been about raising awareness, for me. I have been very public on Twitter in particular, and have even gone very public about an individual in my local area, who was found guilty of sexual communications with a child, who was actually my first ever junior manager as an 8-year-old boy. This reflected badly on my old junior football club, and the charity I worked at for many years; but what happened on that occasion, was wrong. It should never have happened, and that club allowed him to continue to watch junior matches, even after he had been charged and was awaiting to go to court. Of course, a part of me wanted to stay silent on this matter, but, how could I?

So, would I do it all again?

Absolutely I would. It’s taken over 8 years of my life now, and do I believe it’s made a difference? Yes, I do. I feel that being able to talk freely and openly, and by dropping my anonymity, I have been able to keep child sex abuse in the public eye, to the best of my ability. I believe It has led directly to many more disclosures and not just within football or sport, and especially by men coming forward.

In fact, within 72 hours after the interview, 13 people who have shared some part of my life, disclosed to me over social media, that they had been sexually abused as children. More have followed since. Knowing this, and the effect my disclosure had, has certainly driven me over the last 5.5 years.

As with disclosure, but even more so with dropping your anonymity, I would strongly suggest you take time to think about this. I would also suggest you talk to family or friends, and ensure you have daily support around you, before you consider even thinking about this, and more importantly that these people will stand by you and support you afterwards too.

I have had incredible support from Teresa, my family, and friends, I know I have been lucky and of course I am extremely grateful, but it’s been a long and draining road, with many difficult days along the way.

I will now, always be seen as a survivor of sexual abuse within football, and I’m good with that, but please ensure you would be too…

It goes without saying that with around 90% of childhood sexual abuse being carried out by a family member, or someone well known to family, any disclosure will be extremely difficult for the survivors and their families for so many reasons. So obviously, both disclosure & the waiving of anonymity could also cause serious difficulties within the family environment. Again, please make sure you have some support available, if at all possible prior to taking any type of action. This is certainly not saying in any way don’t take action, absolutely not, just consider the outcomes.

Current ongoing abuse needs to be reported to authorities immediately. 

 

I would like again to thank Jason for all his help and support with this blog. A brilliant bloke who has helped me also with my main blog “It was always in the public Interest” find the free link below to my whole Truth. Thank you, Jason. Very much appreciated.

 

https://aitpi.blogspot.com/2020/04/david-lean-my-truth-it-was-always-in.html?spref=tw&m=1

 

 

 

David